Just Weird To Me

It's just weird having a friend
look at you as whatever he was hoping
that I "still" was, I guess.

Because I used to do stupid things
that there isn't a way to undo
as though it never happened
because it did.

And that WAS me.
In my 20s LOL.

Now I'm too old for that sh*t.
And learned between real and fake.

Why suggest that to me
other than being drunk?

Because when I drank, 
I wasn't thinking enough
about certain things
I should have been thinking about.

Was too focused on drinking.

I had my drink with me, outside, 
as he was showing me around.

I had set my drink on top of the fridge
to have both hands free
to remove my boots
by the back door
from being outside...

And since I am not in the habit
of placing drinks on top of the fridge,
I couldn't remember where I put it.

My friend took a look outside
because I might have left it in the trailer
since I remember drinking in the trailer.

My friend wanted to see if his goats would go for beer.
One sniffed it and was like fk this.

She kept nibbling on my pants and my sleeve.
Whenever I was checking out the birds, 
the goat tried to have a nibble at me.

He says that he's hoping that the goats
end up mating and having babies.

Lol he could start a goat yoga thing lol. 

They were saying that because of his knee
he won't be going back to construction work, 

but he's being given an opportunity to study something
that could lead to another employment opportunity.

He's having a hard time choosing.

When you've just stuck to one thing
for so many years and there's so much more out there?

I know there's so much more out there than just what I've seen.

Janitorial jobs, they were okay. Steady pay etc. Honest work.
But that's not what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I find coding kinda challenging, but rewarding.

It's more tedious than anything.

The good thing is that the "elements"
or "components" are already out there.

A lot's already been built.
A lot of styles already exist.

It's knowing where to paste something. 
It's more or less switching stuff up, 
to "customize" it.

More or less, if you can "read" the code, 
you can "work within it" and even design your own stuff. .

But it has more to do with knowing how to read it
and how "it should read" than remembering
all kinds of different code stuff. 

My document has over 5k lines of code.
I use the find "thing" to jump
to specific parts of the code
so that I don't have to scroll
through all of it, 
skimming the whole time
that I'm scrolling.

Makes it easier.

I don't know why I'm so whipped tonight.
Maybe a couple of hours, then get to doing stuff?

The kid upstairs screaming, again. 

I found my curtains. They got sun-bleached
and they'll need to be re-dyed.

I used to dye silk scarves with my Grandmother.
When I was a kid.

I set aside my son's baby blankets.
He's coming tomorrow
so he gets to say what he wants to keep
and what he doesn't, 
and if he can help me sell some books, 
he's more than welcome to help me do that.

Also, I told him that he can keep the money
from whatever books he can sell. 

Was a surprise to hear from him. 
Usually is a surprise to hear from him.
Wish that wasn't the case,
but you tend to appreciate surprises, 
if they are good surprises.

Obviously, a lot of "unpleasant" surprises
that I didn't and don't appreciate.

But gotta roll with the punches, I guess.