Correction

I wrote about "the other one" saying he got fired.
I heard tonight, that he actually resigned.
Saying he wants to sue his business partner.

Resigning was probably his best bet.
And maybe was forced to do it.
Or get fired.

Tonight, I watched a pretty good movie.
It's called "First Kill."

It's about a guy who takes his son on a hunting trip
and a bunch of crazy stuff happens...

Plot twist stuff.
Which made it pretty good.

My two all-time favorite movies are:
"A Perfect World" and "Happy Go Lovely."

A Perfect World is about two guys
who escape from jail and take a kid as a hostage.

The kid's a Jehovah's witness, in the movie.

In "First Kill" the kid gets taken hostage, too. 

Those are my ONLY spoilers for those.

In Happy Go Lovely, the dancing is... Wow.

The story line is that one of the dancers in a show
hitched a ride to the theater because she was going to be late.
For practice, or something like that...

The guy who picked her up with the private driver
of some hot-shot rich guy.

So she accidentally left her purse in the car.
The driver goes back to the theater to give it back
and somehow some people got the idea
that she was dating the rich guy.

She wasn't and she and the guy hadn't met.
But for whatever reason she went with it
(the rumors) thinking she'd get a better part in the show.

The rumors got back to the rich guy
so he went to the theater to find out who she is.

A reporter was supposed to be interviewing her
so she assumed the rich guy was the reporter
and for whatever reason, he let her think he was.

Then she kept up the charade
that she was actually dating the rich guy.

And the theater owner wanted to arrange dinner
with her and the rich guy.

So she asked the rich guy to pretend to be the rich guy
because she still thought that he was the reporter.

So he was to act like "himself" at the dinner
because nobody knew it was actually him.
And he played along like he was actually himself.

It's a good movie, and like I say, the dancing!

The actress wears a really shiny sparkly dress
and how the dress moves with her spins...

So those are my top two
and I'm adding the one I watched tonight to my top three.

It's supposed to rain the next few days, I think.
Tonight, it was raining.

I walk from my folk's 'hood and tonight I got soaked.
It's not a bad walk.
I liked the walk from where they used to live
before they moved to where they are, now.

My mother's birthday's tomorrow and I went over for dinner.
I already gave her the present I made for her.

Her little dog is a hyper 'lil thing when I come over.
The dog's just a pup, still, but they got her registered
as a "service" dog with the vest and certificate. 

I mentioned to my step father about starting a dog blog
for her and if dogs in the 'hood want to join in...

And he says: "Nobody reads blogs anymore."
Then he says: "Blogs were so 20 years ago!"

I got over 60k views last month.
Probably the highest I ever had, to be honest.

And it's just to write...
I had thought about the adsense thing, 
but my blog's not in any niche, just a personal blog.
And I'm not going to "monetize" it.

The other blog is to do some affiliate marketing stuff.
To promote hosting and domains.
And possibly other stuff.

Just want to try to make it "easier" 
to set up a wordpress site.

Whether it's a dog blog or whatever.

Anyway, lots of people like dogs.
My mother takes her dog to go see the neighbors.

Everyone thinks the fur ball is cute.
She's all grrr and fur.

The guy I met in the 'hood, that time, has a dog.

Dog blogs can promote dog stuff.
Dogs like having stuff.

Whoever thought up Bark Box is a genius.
A guy I'm friends with on FB makes videos
"Bark Box Day"
where he shows what came in the box
and how excited his dog gets for his toys and treats.

I don't know if Bark Box has an affiliate program, 
but that would be a good offer to promote
SINCE DOGS DEFINITELY GET EXCITED ABOUT IT.

I love watching those videos.

Speaking of videos, it was just a short clip, 
and I forget what the glasses are called, 

but it turns sounds into captions.
And the person wearing the glasses
can read it from the inside of the lenses.

How cool is that?

It's right up there with the glasses
that help color blind people see colors.

It's pretty emotional for them
to get the glasses and the first time they see colors!

That's even something that most of us take for granted.
Being able to see, period, but to see colors.
To be able to hear, too.

When I was a janitor at the college, 
there was a guy there who's deaf.

I don't know many signs, but I know most of the alphabet
so I'd just "spell" the words to talk with him. 

And up until I started doing it, 
nobody talked to him at all.

Then another girl started talking with him, too. 

There's a show I watched for a bit.
I didn't finish up the series, 
but it was pretty good.

It's called Switched At Birth.
Where two families find out that their daughters
were switched at birth
and they are trying to get used to their birth families.
One of the girls is deaf.

It's geared for a teen audience
which could be why I only got so far.

I've read some books geared to teens.
Like "13 Reasons Why."
Which was pretty well written. 
I read it twice.

I borrowed a couple of books from the library.
They auto-renew it up to 5 times.
At 3 weeks each time. 
15 weeks should be long enough to read a book, eh?

The book I'm reading now is kinda geared towards teens.
It's a light read.

It's about some kids who have a radio broadcasting class.
So I've been reading a few chapters before bed.

I've got enough of my own books I have yet to read.
Just have to get into a habit, again.

For a while, I had a debt at the library and I went to pay it
but they looked and saw it was from so long ago
that they cleared it for me and gave me a new card.

So I used it to get that book from the book bus
that swings by my 'hood.

Since the closest library is by the other mall
and there's one by where I used to go to AA.

The book bus comes by every week. 

Last time, I missed it and was going to the other one
near that church...

But I met up with that guy and got him some food.

I don't have much, but I know what it's like
to be stuck in a situation. 

I did tell the guy I'd help him get his ID.
It's just that he got mad that I don't want to kiss etc.

WHY CAN'T THEY JUST SEE ME AS A PERSON
AND NOT AS A FEMALE THEY LOOK AT
LIKE "THAT."

The guy who was trying to get me to marry him, 
he brought it up, again, today.

EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY TOLD HIM
THAT I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

LIKE AT ALL ANYMORE.
NOT JUST WITH HIM, 
BUT NO ATTRACTION THERE.

I don't really trust myself with that.
BEEN TREATED LIKE SH*T
OVER LIES ETC

THE LAST THING I WANT IS ANY BS.
Not from JERKS and not from jealous HAUX.

IS IT MY FAULT ANYONE'S INSECURE?
IS IT ANYONE'S FAULT FOR MY INSECURITIES?
NO? WHY IS THAT?

But to be soooo insecure that they have to LIE ABOUT ME....
Just to get people to look at me
AS THOUGH I DID THINGS I DIDN'T.
AS THOUGH I'M SOMETHING/SOMEONE I'M NOT
AND NEVER WAS...

But to believe it and to participate in it...
HOW WOULD THAT BE ATTRACTIVE TO ME?

Pretty much have to let people
SLAM THE DOOR IN THEIR OWN FACE.

To go that FAR because they didn't want me
TO BE WITH HIM?

DID HE DO HIMSELF ANY FAVORS?
THE ONLY FAVOR HE DID HIMSELF
WAS TO F*CK RIGHT OFF.

He can enjoy what he chose.
And I can enjoy what I choose.

If he wanted me to see him in a good light
HE COULD HAVE TREATED ME BETTER.


Speaking of slamming doors...
I had talked to a guy for a bit...
After I spoke with him, one night,
I had a dream that he was in. 
I never met the guy or seen a picture of him, 
but for whatever reason, I knew it was him. 

In the dream, I was going to meet him at a cabin. 
When I got there, to see him, there was another female
and I got mad like "you invited me here, just to have her here?"

It wasn't like we were dating, but it felt like a slap in the face.
I don't know why. 
Maybe because I thought it'd just be him and I.

So I left there, angry, and there was a part in the dream
where I was at a school type of building or something...
I opened a door to walk through the doorway...
And when I opened the door, he was right there.

I was so angry and he was trying to explain something to me, 
but I was so angry that I didn't want to listen to him
and I SLAMMED THE DOOR IN HIS FACE.

Which is unlike me in "awake life."

The next time we spoke, I brought up the dream I had.

Before I got into ANY details about the dream...
The guy asked me if it involved a cabin.
I said yes. 

He got quiet for a moment and said:
"You didn't have to slam the door in my face!"

And I hadn't told him about that part...
That freaked me out and he told me
that he was trying to tell me that the other female
was just a projection. 
Because it was a dream...

Another dream I had where I got angry...
I was going on a date with someone
AND HE BROUGHT A DATE ON OUR DATE.
AND I PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE.

Maybe it was a projection, too. 

But I guess it "felt" like "just my luck"
OR WHY CAN'T ANYONE
JUST F*CKING VALUE ME?
EVEN IN MY DREAMS???!!!

But it did freak me out that the guy knew
those two details about the dream I had about him. 
And I didn't tell him anything about it.

I only told him I had a dream about him. 
THAT was wild, I must say.
That was the only time that happened.

But how would he have known?
That's what I want to know.

He didn't explain it.
Probably because I didn't listen
and slammed the door in his face...

I was angry because that was a shitty thing to do.
To invite me up there, to be with him
only for him to be there with someone else...

But he wasn't really there with someone else, 
IT WAS A DREAM.

A PROJECTION, HE SAID.

In "real life" I do get angry, 
but I don't do stuff like that.

I do have self-control. 
OR I WOULD BE IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.

AND NOBODY I'VE WANTED TO
TEACH A LESSON TO
ARE WORTH THE CHARGES.

If they want to come at ME, 
I could do some damage.

Just because I haven't been in a fight
in a really long time, 
doesn't mean that I couldn't.

When that guy was here, he had a needle
and I put him in an arm lock to make him drop it.

He did drop it and I let him go.

He was p*ssed that I did it
because he was helpless to the fact
that he couldn't get out of it, himself.
I had to "release" him. 

That's what p*ssed him off.
Not that I did it.

It was probably that he didn't see it coming
and couldn't move his arms.

I hadn't actually done that "move" before, 
but apparently it "works."

And if he didn't want me to do that
HE SHOULDN'T HAVE PICKED UP THE NEEDLE.

AND IF HE RESPECTED THE FACT
I DIDN'T WANT HIM BRINGING THAT SH*T
INTO MY HOME, 
HE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD IT.

BUT WANTED TO BE SELFISH
At the height of my alcoholism, I was pretty selfish.

Outgrowing it is realizing how selfish I was...
At the point of being sick of my own BS.

AT WHAT POINT ARE OTHERS
SICK OF THEIR BS?

SO THEY CAN JUST.... NOT BE ABOUT IT?
Because, that'd be cool of 'em. Y'know?

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE
GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY
TO F*CKING HELP THEM...
*SIGH*

And if someone doesn't UNDERSTAND
WHAT I WAS SAYING AND WHY
IS THERE A POINT?

I can't understand things for others.

But it was more a REFUSAL.
To listen, and to "learn" apparently.

BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO
GO OUT OF MY WAY
TO F*CKING DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE.

LET ALONE FOR THEM...

BUT THE HEAUX MADE IT WORSE
FOR THEMSELVES
BY TRYING TO COME AT ME...

AND IF THEY KEEP TRYING ME, 
THEY'LL FIND OUT!

I saw the BS miles away.
AND WHEN THEY SEE HOW I HAVE HANDLED IT,
THAT WILL SPEAK FOR ITSELF. 

Don't you LOVE when people try to make you look
LIKE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT?
JUST TO TRY TO GET SOMEONE
TO NOT LOOK AT YOU?

That's high school sh*t, for one.

I didn't start that sh*t, but I don't have an issue
WITH FINISHING THAT SH*T.

I already saw what I saw. I called it.
IF PEOPLE WANT TO NOT LISTEN
WHEN I STRAIGHT UP TOLD THEM
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY GOING ON...

AND WANT TO LISTEN TO WHO?
PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ME AND NEVER DID?

Gee, WHY IS IT THAT THEY DON'T KNOW ME?
One, because of this immature BS.
Two, I DON'T WANT TO "FIT" IN
WITH A BUNCH OF BULLSH*TTERS.

Why? To waste more time? Than I already have?

I WAS THERE TO F*CKING HELP HIM
AND HE KNEW THAT, 
BUT WANTED TO DO THAT SH*T ANYWAY?
AND ALLOW THAT SH*T TOWARDS ME?

Can't be surprised when I want them all to gf themselves.
Because they can, for all I care.

But no, believe the "gossip" and lies and whatever.
DO I GAF WHAT ANYONE BELIEVES ANYMORE?

But SHE didn't want me to be there for him. 
Because SHE wasn't.

And wanted him all to himself
and tried pushing me out of the way, more than once.
IT WAS ONGOING.

And she outted herself by interjecting into our conversation.
WHILE WE WERE HAVING IT.

And then tried to act "sorry" like she didn't do anything.
And tried to act "thankful" that I was helping HIM.
WHICH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.

DID I EVEN WANT HER TO TALK TO ME?
AFTER ALL THAT BS?

Then she came at me FOR KICKING HIM OUT.
BECAUSE SHE KEPT INTERJECTING.
AND HE KEPT LETTING HER DO IT.

AND HE KEPT BEING F*CKING IMMATURE.

SUCH A "TURN ON" *NOT!*

She was reading all my messages to him
TO TRY TO COPY ME LOL.


And I told him that she was not ABOUT him.
She cheated on him while she was pregnant.
And cheated more than once.

If she was actually about him, 
SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN LOYAL TO HIM.

PROBABLY CHEATED AND GOT PREGNANT
AND TOLD HIM THE BABY WAS HIS.

Projecting HER sh*t onto me.
AND I TOLD HIM THAT.

BECAUSE WHY DO THAT?

AND WHY F*CKING STAY WITH HER?
SHE ALREADY CHEATED MULTIPLE TIMES.
SHE ALREADY LIED. 
SHE STOLE, ETC.

He literally hid something under the mattress
FROM HER
AND SHE WENT AND TOOK IT.

If you have to HIDE SOMETHING
FROM SOMEONE SO THEY WON'T TAKE IT
AND THEY TAKE IT ANYWAY....
WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT "TRUST"?

If you can't trust someone, 
DON'T F*CKING BE WITH THEM!

And if someone's so selfish that they'd steal...
They'd be selfish enough to try to block someone.
BY LYING ETC.

Anyway, not that it matters much...
It's that I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH.
What I was doing WAS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

AND HE HAD THE CHOICE
NOT TO LISTEN TO THE LIES ETC.
NOT TO TREAT ME LIKE SH*T
BECAUSE OF ANY OF THAT...

HE COULD HAVE ENDED THAT SH*T.
HE COULD HAVE JUST F*CKING LISTENED TO ME.
COULD HAVE CARED, JUST A LITTLE BIT.

But again, I can't understand it FOR anyone.
And it is NOT MY FAULT
IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GET IT.
IF THEY REFUSE TO, THAT'S ON THEM.
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

However, what does have to do with me
IS HOW I CHOOSE TO SPEND MY TIME.

On someone who'd do that?
Who'd allow someone to do that?
Who'd accuse me of things I wouldn't do?
Who apparently never knew me at all?
NOT THAT ANYONE WANTED HIM TO!

AND IF HE WANTED TO
NONE OF THAT WOULD HAVE MATTERED.

AND NOBODY WOULD HAVE INTERFERED
BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
ALLOWED TO.

AND HE WOULD HAVE JUST
F*CKING GOT HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS @SS
HADN'T I GIVEN HIM ENOUGH CHANCES
TO JUST DO THAT?

Enough chances vs too many chances.

Dating someone who screws their co-worker
WHILE PREGNANT...
ISN'T THAT TOO MANY CHANCES?

WHY WOULD HE GIVE HER ANOTHER AFTER THAT?

Telling me how unhappy he was etc.
All the things SHE did
That I wouldn't...

BUT YOU CANNOT DO ME LIKE THAT
AND THEN TRY TO COME BACK
LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

LIKE WE CAN SWEEP EVERYTHING UNDER THE RUG
AND BE LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED.
BECAUSE IT F*CKING DID.  

Who would want that? Why would that be attractive?

Y'know what's mature? Accountability.
RESPECT. HONESTY.
INTEGRITY.
HAVING THE BACKBONE
TO STAND UP FOR ME.
AND THEMSELVES.

THE ABILITY TO TELL HAUX TO GF THEMSELVES.
SELF-RESTRAINT, SELF-RESPECT.
DECENCY.

COMMON SENSE.
A BRAIN IN THEIR HEAD.
AND USES IT.

INSTEAD OF REFUSING TO USE IT...

But when I have TOLD PEOPLE
TOO MANY F*CKING TIMES
THINGS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL THEM...
NOT TO F*CKING DO.
THAT I WOULDN'T DO.

That sh*t gets OLD.
AND I'M TOO F*CKING OLD FOR THAT SH*T.

I'M NOT 16 ANYMORE.
I'M NOT 24 ANYMORE.

I'M 40 FREAKING YEARS OLD,

AND ANYONE MY AGE,
SHOULD BE ACTING LIKE IT.

I gave him enough chances
JUST TO GET HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS @SS.

Because WHY would I STAY for THAT?
And all that BS just turned me off.
And the BS before that...

It gets to the point that I don't even want to be
WITH ANYONE
BECAUSE IF THEY COME WITH BS
THEY CAN TAKE THAT BS SOMEWHERE ELSE.
TO SOMEONE ELSE.

If I'd be looking for ANYTHING...    
It'd be an ACTUAL PARTNERSHIP.
I don't want ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT.
OR OTHER THAN THAT.

IF THERE ISN'T THAT, 
I JUST DO NOT F*CKING WANT IT.
WHY WOULD I?

Has someone acted SOOOOO immature with you
that it completely turned you off?


The worse thing is that he's be on and off with her
INSTEAD OF KICKING HER TO THE CURB
FOR HER IMMATURE BS...

And I'm not an on and off person. 
It's either on or off, decide.

And why should it be ON with me
when it's OFF with her?
Or OFF with me
when it's ON with her?

Why would I do that back and forth BS?
Why would I want to?

For money?
For appearances?
For what?

I'll tell you what I won't do it for:
MY SELF-RESPECT.