A Bit Each Day

Every day, I've been doing at least something to do with it.
I have certain pages to create, then adding links etc.

That's what I've been working on, lately.
Then, getting my posts ready...

So, something every day, until I'm caught up.
That way, I'll actually catch up.
It's just not as fast as I'd like.

But the longer I wait to do anything, 
THE LONGER IT WILL TAKE.
AND THE LONGER IT WILL BE.

So, each day. Even if it takes HOURS.

Partnership's been on my mind, 
business-wise, not dating-wise.

It'd be nice, to be able to WORK with someone
on something...

WITH THE GOOD THINGS.
LIKE TRUST AND RELIABILITY.

*Rainbow reveal*
Ac -count- ability.

Dang cold in here, my hands are frozen.
My feet are warm, 3 pairs of socks lol.

The pigeons are back for the winter.
They made a nest, but no eggs yet.

Unless another raccoon came and ate them...
Or THE raccoon I already chased away.

Definitely wasn't expecting that...
But they hibernate at some point.

I feel like hibernating, already, and no snow yet...

Supposedly it's been said that Canada is set to deport 4M + people.
"On good faith" Politely ask them to leave?
And they get mad at being "asked" to leave
so they try to create some form of destruction?

Like the MIRROR SMASHER
WHEN I TOLD HIM TO GTFO.

You think they'll be like:
"Canada has rules and we should follow them?
And respect them as a country?"

They're already trying to fight deportation....
AND THEN... 
11 MILLION 'MIGRANTS' FROM THE USA...

WHERE DO YOU THINK THEY'LL TRY TO GO?
DO YOU THINK CANADA CAN HANDLE 11 MILLION?
WHEN EVEN 1 MILLION A YEAR
IS F*CKING US UP
SINCE WE CAN'T SEEM TO "KEEP UP."

We only have THREE detention centers.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THOSE GET FULL?
IF EVERYONE IS EVEN ACCOUNTED FOR?


Then.... We have Trump "suggesting" tariffs.
JT literally called it a "suggestion." Ffs.

Because Canada should have CONTROL 
OF THEIR OWN BORDERS?

To keep people OUT of here,
and to keep people from coming here
JUST TO ENTER THE US
WITH BAD INTENTIONS ETC.

Which is the point Trump's trying to make
ABOUT OUR BORDERS.

But the deportation thing's going to be a nightmare.
Might have them RECONSIDERING THEIR POLICIES.

MIGHT HAVE THEM RECONSIDER
BORDER CONTROL.

I think we're headed for an even bigger crisis.

Housing and food... Where are the WAGE INCREASES?
That's what I'd like to see.

Maybe the fact that people with 2 jobs are struggling....
MAYBE THERE'S AN ISSUE?

And there was a woman who was posting
that unless she is married, she can't have kids
because she has 4 jobs and needs twice the income
and half the expenses etc.

I was trying to tell her
THAT EVEN WHEN WE GET WHAT WE WANTED
IT DOESN'T TURN OUT THE WAY WE WANTED IT.

Or I would have been married a long time ago...
And everything would have been GREAT.

But just BECAUSE I WANTED IT THAT WAY,
DOESN'T MEAN I GOT IT THE WAY
THAT I WANTED IT.

Anyway, and the other bullsh*t...
Well, the most recent bullsh*t.

The most recent... Sigh.
Sums it up about right...

Because there's always something?
Why? I don't know why.

To learn? I'll just go with that.
Probably for more reason than one.
That's as good as any.

I can at least say that it's been disappointing.
Not that I had a right to expect "better than that"
or feel entitled to it? I dunno.

Just disappointed.  

Because had things not gone the way they did, 
IT COULD HAVE JUST BEEN SIMPLE.

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT VERY MUCH.

NOT AS MUCH AS ANYONE WHO THINKS
THAT THEY ARE ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING...

BUT LOSING THEIR SH*T FOR NOT GETTING THEIR WAY
SHOULDN'T GET THEM WHAT THEY WANT!

When it doesn't work, they stop doing it.
BECAUSE? IT DOESN'T WORK!


That goes with people WHO TRY TO PLAY GAMES.
NOT SO FUN PLAYING BY THEMSELVES.

ONLY FUN WHEN I LET THEM.
Since they know that I DON'T HAVE TO...
AND THEY DON'T SEEM TO GET THAT
OR THEY WOULDN'T EITHER...

I don't have to let them. Like I used to.
THE ONLY THING I WAS SHOWING THEM
BY STAYING THERE FOR THEM TO
KEEP F*CKING DOING IT...

WAS THAT THEY COULD KEEP DOING IT.
AND NOTHING WOULD CHANGE.
THAT I'D JUST BE THERE
NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY TREATED ME...

BECAUSE OF WHAT? HOW I USED TO FEEL
WHEN I SAW THEM IN A BETTER LIGHT?

Maybe I saw them the way I wanted to, at the time.
AND IGNORED HOW EVERYTHING
ACTUALLY WAS.


AND I KNEW IT WAS F*CKING BS.
I WAS CONSTANTLY P*SSED
THAT IT WAS F*CKING BS.

So why go back to that?
LET ALONE GIVE MORE CHANCES?

Like my ex wanted to get back together.
After he punched me in the head.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE SAYING
THAT "COOL, THINGS CAN BE THE WAY THEY WERE."

When no, there's no going back to the way
anything was before

AFTER THAT.
AND THAT WAS A CHOICE.


JUST LIKE NOT KNOCKING HIM OUT
WAS A CHOICE ON MY BEHALF.

BECAUSE HAD I WANTED TO, 
I COULD HAVE.

But even when you want to
YOU STILL HAVE A CHOICE.


Just like ANYONE WHO WAS ABOUT ANY BS
TO ME, TOWARD ME...

HAD THE CHOICE.

And the choice to MAKE that choice.

Did they STILL go out of their way, though? Yeah?
Did they have the choice NOT to? Yeah?

LIKE EVEN REFUSING TO JUST DO THE RIGHT THING.
JUST DO WHAT LITTLE I ASK
LIKE GET YOUR THINGS OUT OF MY PLACE
YOURSELF
SO YOU CAN'T BLAME ME
FOR ANYTHING "MISSING."

OR ACCUSE ME OF "STEALING"
WHEN I WANT NOTHING OF YOURS.
FOR ANY REASON.

OR ANYTHING YOU REFUSED TO COME GET.
AND REFUSING - BECAUSE I ASKED YOU TO.

Because JUST ASKING FOR THAT
WAS OF COURSE ASKING FOR TOO MUCH.

JUST LIKE ALWAYS.


But the point was, they had a choice.

Because could he have come to get his stuff?
When he did come, to clean up the shards, 
I asked him: Am I doing anything to you?
Am I jumping down your throat?

No. I wasn't. 

AND HE DIDN'T HAVE TO ACT
LIKE IF HE HAD JUST DONE WHAT I HAD ASKED
I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING "CRAZY."

Says what about me?
Says what about anyone saying it?


Because I already could have, by now, correct? Did I?
So anyone projecting that sh*t onto me, says what?

But these are things for a CONVERSATION
THAT HE REFUSED TO HAVE.

BECAUSE HE'D HAVE TO ADMIT
AND HE'D ACTUALLY HAVE TO CONSIDER THINGS.

But when you don't actually LISTEN
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I SAID.
AND YOU CAN'T MAKE SH*T UP.

THAT YOU THOUGHT I SAID.
THAT I NEVER SAID.

THAT I WOULDN'T SAY
BECAUSE I'M NOT ABOUT THAT SH*T.


And maybe what I needed, the whole time, 
WAS TO CHANGE MY PERSPECTIVE.

BECAUSE HOW MANY TIMES
AM I GOING TO BE PUSHED TO REACT
IN A WAY THEY COULD SAY THEY WERE RIGHT?

WHEN THEY NEVER WERE?

I'm justified to walk away from that sh*t.
It was justifiable a long time ago.

Why didn't I? 
BECAUSE I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD CHANGE.
FINALLY, BUT DID IT?

And what do people do best? Talk?
Talk about someone NOBODY KNOWS LOL.

And in that case ANYTHING COULD HAVE BEEN TRUE...
AND IF THEY ASSUME IT'S TRUE...

IT MAY AS WELL BE TRUE?


Should it even matter? Seems it didn't.
BECAUSE IF IT DID...

WHO WOULD HAVE TREATED ME LIKE THAT?
ANYONE?

WHY DID IT MATTER TO ME?
WHY DID I KEEP TRYING?
FOR MORE AND MORE BS?
TO WASTE MY TIME?

FOR 'FAIRNESS'?
FROM SOMEONE WHO
LITERALLY REFUSED TO BE FAIR TO ME?

BECAUSE FAIR
WOULD HAVE BEEN
REMOVING HIS BELONGINGS
THE FIRST TIME I ASKED HIM TO DO IT
AND NOT PLAYING GAMES ABOUT IT.

JUST TO DO THAT.
BECAUSE I DESERVE
TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE
AFTER THAT, ALL OF THAT.


Just like they would, too
IF I DID THAT TO THEM.

AND WHEN NOTHING CHANGES...
WHAT IS THE POINT?

CHANGES? WHEN IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE
THE WAY THEY CHOSE TO MAKE IT?!


SO WHY WOULD ANYTHING CHANGE?
THAT'S THE WAY THEY CHOSE TO MAKE IT.
CONTINUOUSLY. 
CONSISTENTLY.

And it's not because I have standards that are TOO HIGH.
IT'S ABOUT HAVING HIGHER STANDARDS
FOR HOW THEY CHOSE TO ACT.
HOW THEY CHOSE TO BE.
HOW THEY CHOSE TO MAKE IT.

THEN ALL TO JUST BLAME ME.
For MY REACTIONS
TO THEIR DISRESPECT.


But to go out of your way
TO DO THINGS YOU KNOW
WOULD P*SS ME OFF?
JUST TO BLAME ME FOR BEING P*SSED OFF?
LIKE YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG?

AND IT'S JUST ME BEING P*SSED OFF
THAT'S THE ISSUE...

Smashing my mirror was to be f*cking PETTY.
AND IMMATURE.

That's disappointing!!!!

Because, did they f*cking have to? No?
THEN YOU CAN'T JUST P*SS ME OFF
JUST TO SAY I'M "CRAZY."

Because what kind of BS is THAT?
What kind of BS would that be from ME?

THEY CAN'T SEEM TO ANSWER THAT ONE.
OR THE SECOND ONE.


That's why it's disappointing.
IT WASN'T BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET WHAT I WANTED.
I DIDN'T, BUT IT ISN'T BECAUSE OF THAT.

IT WAS THIS:
WHAT WAS IT THAT I WANTED?
WAS WHAT I WANTED, TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

Even when I want VERY LITTLE, 
IT DOES NOT SEEM TO MATTER WHAT I WANTED.


But let's put it this way:
SOMETIMES NOT GETTING WHAT WE WANTED
WAS ACTUALLY THE BLESSING IN DISGUISE.


Imagine if I stayed in situations that were not...
"meant" to "work out"?

I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE OPPORTUNITIES
THAT I HAVE GIVEN TO MYSELF
SINCE THEN.

And who would have given those opportunities to me?
MIRROR BREAKER? HEAD PUNCHER?
BACKSTABBER?

No. Maybe to someone else
WHO WOULD DO THAT TO THEM...

THEN BE MAD AT ME FOR THAT, TOO?
THAT THEY COULD HAVE CHOSEN A LONG TIME AGO?
BUT REFUSED TO?

Well, refusing to choose is a choice.
That's always a choice.


It's BS to refuse to come get your things
TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR THINGS
AND THEN ACCUSE SOMEONE
OF TAKING YOUR THINGS...

If I was ever going to steal from you, 
I already would have!

A long time ago...

Because you could have just got your things
WHEN I ASKED YOU TO DO THAT
FOR THE REASONS I WAS ASKING
FOR THAT.
Just that.

But the one who actually did... Steal from him... LOL.
JUST MADE EXCUSES FOR HER.
FOR ALL HER SH*T.
AS THOUGH SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING LOL.

NOTHING TO ME?

Like she didn't project all her sh*t onto me?
BECAUSE SHE WANTS HIS MONEY?  LOL.

Her concern was about WINNING.
WASN'T ABOUT HIM.

OR SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN
HELPING HIM GET CLEAN

INSTEAD OF TRYING TO USE HIM FOR DRUGS ETC.

But... Doesn't matter what I say...

Because I'm "CRAZY" LIKE EVERYONE SAYS.
Easy to assume about someone...
some excuse to treat them like crap, though?

But no, if I was actually crazy, 
I WOULDN'T HAVE THE SELF-RESTRAINT.

BECAUSE A LOT OF THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE...
THAT I DIDN'T DO.

BUT WHY DID I CHOOSE NOT TO DO THOSE THINGS?
WHY, THOUGH?

IF THEY CAN'T FIGURE THAT OUT, 
IS THERE A POINT?

Am I supposed to try to prove my sanity to everyone?
THAT BELIEVED THAT BS ABOUT ME?

Or would that be a waste of my time?

And when they REALIZE SOMETHING ABOUT ME, 
FINALLY, IF EVER....

THEN THEY'LL REALIZE
THEY WERE ABOUT THAT BS FOR THE WRONG REASONS.

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE A REASON.

Was I waiting here, with a baseball bat?
To bash him like he smashed my mirror with no regret?

No, just wanted him to take his things
AND GTFO. THAT'S ALL.


If I wanted the dude's money, I'd still be trying to get it!!!!
THAT IS WHY SHE WANTED TO "WIN"

Or else she would have backed off. COMPLETELY.
And she wouldn't have put herself in MY business.

SHE DID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM
SO HE CAN'T SAY SHE WASN'T!


But it's usually a dude CRYING TO ME
THAT SHE DID THIS AND SHE DID THAT
AND THEY TURN AROUND
AND ARE STILL ABOUT HER.

BECAUSE SHE NEEDED HER WAY.

IF SHE DID THIS AND THAT...
SHE CAN GO F*CK HERSELF.

But they don't stand on that.
NOT FOR SOMEONE WHO WOULDN'T.

And if you're going to choose her
AFTER HER DOING THIS AND THAT


DON'T F*CKING CRY TO ME ABOUT IT
TELLING ME HOW YOU SPENT 20 YEARS
WITH THE WRONG PERSON ETC...

Because I was RIGHT THERE.
THE WHOLE TIME.

UNTIL I'M NOT ANYMORE.
WHY MIGHT THAT BE?

AFTER TELLING ME
THAT THEY WOULDN'T TREAT ME
LIKE THAT ANYMORE

WHEN THEY NEVER HAD TO
IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I know I keep writing about it, but it just still p*sses me off.

And what p*sses me off, ALSO
is that I kept trying to prove something, I guess.

BECAUSE WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO MYSELF?
MORE THAN ONCE?

But trying to put me in a category
THAT I'M NOT EVEN IN...

WHY WOULD I STAY
WHERE YOU PUT ME OR TRY TO PUT ME?

Where I don't belong!


And the most insulting thing
is wanting things to be the way they used to be
AFTER ALL THAT BS!!!!!

It's insulting!!!!

BECAUSE THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN
THE WAY THEY WERE BEFORE.

ONLY F*CKING A MILLION TIMES BETTER
HAD THEY WANTED IT THAT WAY!!!!

THEY COULD HAVE MADE IT THAT WAY.
IF THEY WANTED TO.


But I have myself to blame
WHEN OBVIOUSLY THERE WAS NO POINT.
WHAT WOULD THE POINT BE?
WHAT WOULD IT HAVE BEEN?
IF THERE WAS ONE?

To somehow prove myself to someone
WHO REFUSED TO SEE ANYTHING ABOUT ME?
AND TREATED ME AS SUCH....

But how do I expect anyone to choose to start over
WHEN I AM GIVING THEM
THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT?

And do they have to take the opportunity?
Just because I'm giving it to them?

Should I keep giving them chances?
TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY?
THE OPPORTUNITY THEY REFUSED TO TAKE?

They could have taken...
At more than one junction.


But when they realize
I TURNED OUT TO BE THE ONLY ONE
THEY COULD HAVE TRUSTED...

WHEN THEY HAD NOBODY ELSE.

But could I trust THEM? NO?
NOT TO DO WHAT THEY CHOSE TO DO?

Sure, would have been nice if I could have, though.

Anyway, it's still cold in here...
And I'm out of milk for my tea...