"Don't You Want To Have Fun?"

Anyone would feel the way I feel about being treated the way I was.
Treated like I had no right to be upset about anything, at all. 
They did what they did because they knew they could. 
Just because they wanted to?

Having that happen to you and feeling like there was nothing
that I could do about it...
BECAUSE LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I TRIED.

YET EVERYONE GOT TO PAINT THEMSELVES
ANY WAY THEY WANTED TO
AND PAINTED ME ANY WAY THEY WANTED TO.
TO JUSTIFY ANY OF IT?

And if I can think of any way to make it 'fair'
in some type of way, then shouldn't I?

Like "I don't like her speaking up about this."
So they went ahead and went as far as they went.

Just to say I'm 'crazy' or whatever they wanted to say about me.
Whatever they wanted whoever to believe.

ANYONE WOULD FEEL A TYPE OF WAY ABOUT THAT.
THEY WOULD, TOO.
But it doesn't happen to them.
Yet, somehow it's okay to do it to me?


All I did was try to advocate for myself and my son. 
I might have the chance to, again. Soon, hopefully. 
And that's all that I wanted to do. 
Nothing else really matters to me, at this point. 

Like being bullied because I wanted to speak up
about my son being bullied.
THEY DENIED IT.
TO TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I 
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT?

WHY WOULD MY SON HAVE TOLD ME
WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO HIM
IF IT NEVER HAPPENED?

AND WHEN I WENT TO HIS SCHOOL
THEY TRIED TO MAKE IT SEEM
LIKE NEITHER I NOR MY SON
HAD ANY REASON TO BE UPSET ABOUT ANYTHING...


Yeah, this was 12 years ago. But it still happened. 
At my expense and at his.
All for a huge power trip. Isn't that nice?
All for control over the 'situation.'
THEY CREATED THE SITUATION AND PUT IT ON ME.

It's almost like they got something out of it.
They probably did.

Yeah, it still bothers me.
Because his 'write off' of a father
GOT TO SEE HIM EVERY DAY FOR 12 YEARS.

Did they do a background check? No?
Maybe if they had... 

Yet they were concerned about ME.


Anyway, can't change the past. 
I can only hope that they get what's for them. 
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND
DOING THAT SH*T TO PEOPLE...
AND JUST EXPECT YOUR LIFE TO GO WELL.

That's what happens when you put those types of people.
In those types of positions. 
THE POWER GOES TO THEIR HEADS.
AND PRETTY SURE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO IT FOR.
BECAUSE THEY CAN JUST GET AWAY WITH IT.


One prime example are THE COPS THAT SHOWED UP
TO MY PLACE AT 4AM.

Maybe I should have recorded that.
Just to show their supervisors.

I wish I could have recorded all of it.
Nobody would believe me
BECAUSE IT WAS MY WORD AGAINST THEIRS
AND APPARENTLY MY WORD'S WORTH SH*T.

They literally just assumed I'd been drinking.
LIKE THAT IS SUPPOSEDLY
THE ONLY REASON I'M UPSET?
JUST UPSET BECAUSE I'M DRUNK?

Been sober for 10 years!
AND THEY STILL TRY TO PULL THAT SH*T.


And if EVERYONE knew the EXTENT, 
they'd applaud me for my restraint.

THEY EVEN TRY TO ACT LIKE I DON'T HAVE ANY!

But if they have to try to make it seem that THEY aren't at fault, 
THEY'LL SAY WHATEVER THEY WANT.
That's what irks me. Really IRKS ME.
THEY SAID, "SHE" SAID.
ALL BECAUSE I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME?
How "fair" was any of that? When it's a damn power play.

Back when my son was a baby, he'd get into stuff.
Because that's what babies do. 

When I couldn't get to him fast enough to get him to stop, 
I'd get his attention by clapping my hands. 
And then I told him "No."
And he'd cry because he knows what no means.


BUT, my neighbors thought I was hitting my kid.
BECAUSE ALL THEY HEARD
WAS ME CLAPPING MY HANDS.
And him crying when I said "no."

And, yeah, they assumed that and called CA on me.

Yet, the girl on the floor below me...
Someone told me that she just left her kid
in his crib all day and all night
WITHOUT EVEN CHANGING HIS DIAPER.
TO GO OUT TO DO DRUGS.

AND GAVE HIM A MOHAWK AND DYED IT.
HE WAS LIKE 2 YEARS OLD.

She got mad at me because my ex had to start work early. 
WHEN HE STARTED HIS TRUCK, 
HIS HEADLIGHTS SHONE INTO HER APARTMENT.
SO SHE HAD SOME BATTLE GOING ON WITH ME.
JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO.
IT GOT SO BAD THAT SHE CALLED THE COPS ON ME.
4 TIMES IN 1 WEEK WITH FALSE CLAIMS.

It's been a f*cking drama pretty much
WHEN ANYONE DIDN'T LIKE ME.
FOR WHATEVER REASON.
EVEN INVENTED REASONS FFS.

Instead of looking at themselves.
Because why would they do that?!


Well, I didn't accidentally catch anything on fire, today.
I had a sieve of dry pasta sitting on the back burner.
Which wouldn't have been a thing
had I turned on the front burner, not the back burner.

So I couldn't cook the pasta, because I burned it.
Special kind of talent. Burn it before you try to cook it.


At least I didn't flood the kitchen. 
I did that at least a couple of times.
I was filling up the sink.
And thought I had time to do something else.
Then I heard the water hitting the floor.

The number that I was given for my text app thing...
They get recycled. Been getting texts
from dudes thinking I'm an escort ffs.

Tonight I get these texts:
"Hey, are you free tonight?"
"Don't you want to have fun?"
"It's just a one time thing."

Firstly, I DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP.
secondly, I'M NOT AN ESCORT.
thirdly, WHEN I SAY I AM NOT INTERESTED,
I'M NOT F*CKING INTERESTED.

"Don't you want to have fun?" WTF?
Maybe I should send them a random d*ck pic.
Then be all like "Sure, I'll be right there."

GIVE. ME. A. F*CKING. BREAK.

To be a real girl in a hook up world.
And to wonder why I gave up on REAL a long time ago...

"Don't you want to have fun?"
Like saying that is enough to change my mind?
No, that's a f*cking creep thing to do and say.

Apparently he already had "ideas."
That's why he wanted to see me tonight.

I don't know whether to be mad or disgusted or both...
And people wonder why I mostly stick to myself?
Like even being "nice" people get "ideas."

Like the guy who was trying to get me to marry him.
BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO?
WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT?

NOBODY THINKS ABOUT THAT?
NO, JUST WHAT THEY WANT. Always.

"Don't you want to have fun?"
Why? Because YOUR idea of fun is YOURS?
And I should want to because YOU want me to?

It's creepy and gross.

What's also gross... All the slander and bs...
And reading all my messages etc.
TO TRY TO GET BETWEEN SOMEONE AND I.
EVEN TO GO BEHIND HIS BACK TO GET HIM LOCKED UP
AND EVEN TO BLAME ME
FOR THE SH*T SHE WAS DOING.
FOR HIS MONEY. JUST TO HAVE IT.


But whenever I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING...
WHY listen to me?

I could literally tell someone something IMPORTANT
AND THEY STILL WOULDN'T LISTEN.

THEN LISTEN TO SOMEONE LYING TO THEM.
BELIEVE THEM OVER ME,
THEN TRY TO PLAY THE VICTIM
TO PUT EVERYTHING ON ME.

WHAT was I doing? Telling the truth?

Slander was one thing, stalking is another.
ALL BECAUSE SOMEONE DIDN'T WANT ME
TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

WHO ENDED UP BEING A D*CK ANYWAY...
SO THEY CAN HAVE FUN WITH THAT.


But why not try to make me look "crazy"
THAT ALWAYS SEEMS TO WORK, RIGHT?

I'm so 'crazy' that I mostly keep to myself.
Gee, I wonder why.

Because they get "ideas" and want me to play into it?
WHAT IF I HAVE "IDEAS" TOO?
AND MY "IDEA" OF FUN ISN'T ABOUT HOOKING UP.

All that sh*t is immature, to me.
WHAT DO THEY THINK I AM?
AN ESCORT, APPARENTLY...

Even walking down the street, alone...
I got THAT BS.
They couldn't just leave me tf alone, right?
WHO. F*CKING. DOES. THAT?!

But you have a conversation with someone
and then they get ideas about you marrying them?
It's not right!

Not only that, but they go out of their way
to try to track me down?


I learned my lesson about hitchhiking. 
But you'd think I could just go to an appointment...
Like that time the dude followed me there
AN PRETENDED HE WAS THERE FOR AN APPOINTMENT
JUST TO FOLLOW ME OUT.

Can't women just exist and live their lives?
WITHOUT WEIRD DUDES
HAVING WEIRD FANTASIES?

It'd be like me trying to track down a dude
and making plans, in my head, about marrying him.
JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO.
LIKE F*CK HIS PLANS FOR HIS OWN LIFE, RIGHT?
Because who cares about what HE wants...

It'd be the EXACT SAME THING FOR ME.
Because who cares about what I want...

And yeah STALKERS exist.
But WHY be SO POSSESSIVE TO STALK SOMEONE?
NOBODY BELONGS TO YOU.

NOBODY IS "MINE."
I'm not "theirs." Not anybody's.

But to make "plans" for me like that.
TRYING TO CLAIM ME... NO. JUST. NO.


It often makes me not want to talk to anyone.
Because what if I do? And they"look me up"? ETC.

Like that one guy... He was texting me...
I was busy and not logged into my text app thing...
AND HE GOT ANGRY THAT I DIDN'T TEXT HIM RIGHT AWAY.

He's like "A*** Answer me!" Excuse me?
WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT I OWE HIM ANYTHING?
LET ALONE WHAT HE WANTS
JUST BECAUSE HE WANTS WHAT HE WANTS?

Then... WHY GET MAD AT ME? FOR WHAT?
NOT FULFILLING A WEIRD FANTASY?

I DON'T OWE THAT OR ANYTHING ELSE.
SO DON'T ACT LIKE I DO.

Then try to "manipulate" me with:
"Don't you want to have fun?" F*CK. RIGHT. OFF.

No thanks. Go have fun with someone else.


It's either jealous females trying to manipulate
WITH THREATS...

Should I just get jealous and threaten girls
WHO HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO GET IN THE WAY
OF WHATEVER IT WAS THAT I WANTED?
BECAUSE I'm THAT obsessed?!

Then when I say something... 
It's like no, she's not like that...
HELLO! YES! SHE IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT!
SHE. WANTS. TO. GET. HER. WAY.
That's why she's trying to manipulate with slander etc.

A chick was so unhinged that she was literally stalking me.
I was on my way to see someone and she was verbally attacking me
FOR SEEMINGLY NO REASON.
HOW WOULD SHE EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?
LET ALONE WHERE I WAS GOING?
OR WHO I WAS GOING TO GO MEET WITH?
IF SHE HADN'T BEEN READING MY MESSAGES
BETWEEN HIM AND I?

And she wasn't the only one!
GOT THREATS MID CONVERSATION.
THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.
HE SAW IT. SO DID I.

It was to manipulate him for money or whatever else.


But, no. Don't listen to me ffs.
I had to point it out MORE THAN ONCE.
Shouldn't have had to point it out. AT ALL.

If you're going to go as far as to say things like:
"I better not see you together..."
THAT WOULD IMPLY THAT SHE WOULD SOMEHOW?
OR ELSE WHAT?

THAT sh*t is PSYCHOTIC.
BUT IT'S THOSE chicks trying to project that sh*t
ONTO ME.

AM I THE ONE INTERRUPTING WITH THAT SH*T?
LET ALONE AT ALL?

NO? WHY? Because I'm not THAT possessive.

IF SOMEONE WANTS TO BE WITH
WHOEVER THEY WANT TO BE WITH
THAT IS THEIR CHOICE.
I DON'T OWN ANYONE.
THEY ARE FREE TO LIVE THEIR LIFE.

SO AM I.

NOT HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

It's not cool to play games, though.
Don't bother with hot and cold sh*t.

But I'd rather just do my own thing, now.
Because of all this crap. 
THAT I HAD TO POINT OUT.
LET ALONE KEEP POINTING OUT.

WHY I WOULD HAVE TO EVEN SAY IT...
Let alone more than ONCE?!
Give. Me. A. Break.
If they'd listened THE FIRST TIME...
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO KEEP SAYING IT...

BUT WHY BOTHER IF THEY REFUSE
TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE IT?!

It's like THEY DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE
WHAT I SAID FFS.

Like take NO for an answer.
And no answer IS an answer.

I don't want to be WITH anyone for any REASON.
If I did, it'd to just BE with them.

Not for what they have.
Not for what I 'could' get.
Not for what they 'could' do.

I rarely EVEN ASK FOR FAVORS.
UNLESS IT WAS REALLY F*CKING IMPORTANT.

Even THEN... WHO TF AM I SUPPOSED TO ASK?
MY FAMILY? WHO?

THEN CHEAT, KEEP CHEATING...
ON THE GUY YOU'VE BEEN USING...
BECAUSE IF YOU WEREN'T USING HIM...
WHY CHEAT ON HIM? 

BUT NOBODY ELSE CAN BE WITH HIM, THOUGH...

The guy isn't even WITH ME.
I don't have anything left to say to the dude.
SO WHY TRY TO BE UP IN MY BUSINESS?

She was cheating on him while she was pregnant.
Usually, they are cheating BEFORE THEY GET CAUGHT.
So is his kid REALLY HIS?!
BUT NO, DON'T LISTEN TO ME.
His choices, his life, though.
Doesn't matter what I say... It didn't.


I watched a video about a guy who did DNA tests...
3 kids... Not his, but the results came out that
THEY ALL HAD DIFFERENT FATHERS.
He confronted his wife about her cheating on him. 
He wouldn't talk to her.

He made the video to explain what happened.
She decided to "hang out with the chandelier."
That's the way he put it...

They were "legally" his kids, but not biologically.
But now they don't have their mother.
Because she'd rather jump than take accountability?


Something like 30% of men are taking care of kids
THAT AREN'T THEIRS.

I saw one video where they were IN COURT.
The guy spent 5 years IN JAIL.
BECAUSE OF CHILD SUPPORT.
AND IT TURNS OUT...
THE KID WAS NOT HIS!

Imagine spending 5 years of your life in jail
because you don't want to pay child support
for a kid you had doubts was yours
AND TURNS OUT NOT TO BE YOURS...


But at the same time, if someone breaks up.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

But to try to compete with me like I want someone bad enough?
FOR WHAT? WHAT DO I WANT ANYONE FOR?
Just to say "I won"? F*ck. Right. Off.

That's why I'm trying to 'fight' someone who wants me to? LOL.
Just to say I'm 'crazy'? LOL.

What am I doing? Doing "the work" and staying in my lane?
Coming up with ideas of my own that have ZIP to do with them?

Just like the conversation that had nothing to do with HER.
"I BETTER NOT SEE YOU TOGETHER!"

How jealous does someone have to be to spy that hard?
What am I jealous about?
IF SOMEONE (ANYONE) DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME...
THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE WITH ME.
THREATENING ANYONE ABOUT IT
DOESN'T CHANGE THAT FACT.

Pretty simple, right?

Especially someone who WENT OUT OF HIS WAY
TO DISRESPECT ME.
TF I WANT THAT FOR?
YOU WANT THAT? GO FOR IT.


BUT IF YOU HAVE ZERO CONTROL OVER YOURSELF,
HOW TF YOU GOING TO TRY TO CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE?
SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE ENOUGH CONTROL OVER YOURSELF
NOT TO WANT TO EVEN TRY TO CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE?

But what they want to come at me for is my energy.
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET IT ANY OTHER WAY.
BECAUSE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.

"Don't you want to have fun?" With the glowing red eyes lol.