I Finished It

I finally finished the book thing I was writing. 
My stomach feels really gross today.

Been going to bed in the afternoon, these days. 
Then I either wake up in the late night, or early morning. 
It's a weird schedule.

Been awake from around 3am to 4am...
It's fatigue... Worse than I've had in a long time.

The raccoon's been back again. To eat the eggs.
The babies from the last batch that survived, 
they grew up and learned to fly. 
They've left their nest. It's kind of sad, 
but happy for them that they can fly. 

One of them got knocked off the balcony and landed on the 4th floor.
I got to check on her and she learned to fly. 
I wanted to see if she was okay, at least. She was/is.

It's just been such a deep fatigue that I don't know what to do about it.

Last sleep, I kept waking up, thinking about working on the "thing."
Now that it's done, maybe I can sleep through the "night."

Maybe my stomach will feel better after a nap or something.
Maybe it was something I ate, I don't know.
Just feels extremely gross.
Not "I gotta barf" gross, but...
More like "yuck, I don't feel good."

Today was also a day where I'm thinking:
Welp, if they are too immature, they're too immature.

Some people are so immature they can't see how immature they are.
And when anyone points out anything, it just pisses them off
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T EVEN ADMIT ANYTHING.
THEIR EGO WILL NOT LET THEM.

In my 20s, I used to be like that. Honestly, I was.

BUT AT SOME POINT YOU OUTGROW YOUR BS.
AND YOU STOP BEING ABOUT IT.

At least one could HOPE.
But I can't FORCE people to outgrow their sh*t.
I can't FORCE them to stop being about it.


Back then, I couldn't see past my BS to do much of anything.
Let alone much about my BS. Or about myself. 

At the same time, I was keeping myself blinded. 
Partly, because I didn't want to see what I needed to see.
Partly, because I got too comfortable.
Partly, because I didn't know how to change.

One thing I realized is that TO be ABLE to realize some things...
You have to realize some things...
Like layers of realizations. 

If you haven't realized A, can you realize B?
If you haven't realized B, can you realize C?

So how can you go from A to C without B?
That's what I realized about realizations.

It took me a long time to realize it, but I did.
I don't know what the realizations were that led me there.
I had to have realized something to get there.

The annual potluck thing for the knitting group is soon.
I don't know what to bring. I rarely go to any.

The last one I was invited to, I couldn't find the place.
So I didn't actually get to go.

This time, it's around the corner from here.
I hope the weather's nice.

There's a white dog on the way there, it's in the area of my circuit.
I've encountered her many times and she seems happy to see me.

One time I told her I was taking care of a cat and she stopped letting me pet her.
Then I told her the cat's not mine, and she let me pet her again.
It was so funny. 
Like "How dare you pet me if you have a CAT!"

It's been sunny, but on the cold side, still. 
It feels like summer'll be short, again. 
It's like we get 3 months of decent weather if we're lucky.

We'll see how the wildfires are this year. Last year it was bad.
It was so smoky here... Never seen it like that in my whole life.

It's kind of weird that two provinces have fires, mostly.
BC and Alberta. Never heard of wildfires in Quebec.
Maybe there have been, just don't think of Quebec right away
when it comes to wildfires.

If I stop feeling gross this week, I'll be happy. 

But, I'm happy I finished the "thing."
At least I can say that.