People have loads of reactions to loads of things.
Still working on figuring out what the cause of this anxiety is.
I wake up every day feeling like that.
It doesn't make for the best start to the day....
Just been thinking a lot. That doesn't change.
Sometimes thinking really does me good,
sometimes my head gets spinning too much in the wrong direction
and I want to talk and get my head straight
but it's my job to get my own head straight.
Nobody's job to get my head straight for me.
But the emotions and thoughts go together.
That is a fact. That people aren't talking about.
People are not suggesting that they gain more power
over their minds so that they can feel better....
Mixed thoughts often lead to mixed emotions.
Like when I really didn't know what to think,
I really didn't know how to feel, either.
But because I didn't know how to feel... I went to my default feelings.
Like if I just experienced something that people don't have a reason
to be happy about, then chances are, I'm not going to be happy about it.
But we rely so much on reasons to feel certain ways.
"There's no reason to feel happy."
Then we convince ourselves that happiness is unreasonable.
It's unattainable because it's been rendered unreasonable...
Because we put conditions on things all the time.
And I want to move past the conditions that I've been preconditioned
to put on things and situations so that I can move past them
and to move past a lot of old sh*t.
Just kind of wish that when people are speaking from the heart
that people wouldn't treat them like they are speaking out of their ass.
So that they'd appreciate the honesty, the complete sincerity...
Like people are so tired of being lied to
that when they hear something they think is bullsh*t,
they treat it like it's bullsh*t.
Then they just call the person ''crazy" or give some other label.
Because that's apparently what stops people from speaking from their hearts.
Getting them broken and having their hearts abused.
By people who were abused.
Who don't know how to love let alone what love even truly is.
But just because you try to be understanding and patient
doesn't mean that people don't try to take advantage.
People testing, testing, trying, trying our patience
and thinking we'll understand our choices
when they are affected by the choices we make...
I've been really affected by this.
Because I've let myself be so open. I've put a lot into it.
I've tried. It's just not the right time.
I can't say much more than that. I guess time will tell what happens next.
Because I did try and I kept trying and trying and trying.
But we can only keep trying so long before we realize
that what we are doing isn't working.
That's when we become somewhat complacent. When we are in denial.
Because we can be efficiently ineffective.
Because we keep doing the things we know how to do, and how to do well.
Even when these things work against us.
And we avoid doing the things we don't know how to do
because we don't know how to do them!
Learning how to do things we don't know how to do
takes a lot of work that apparently we're not making the time to do.
I've been putting so much effort into trying to establish a connection
that I ended up feeling so disconnected.
From the person I was trying to connect with and build with
and from myself....
And just because you recognize some things
doesn't mean others will recognize the same things.
Or realize things just because you have...
They are living their own unique experience.
So how you are experiencing something
is different from how they are experiencing it.
What isn't a trigger for you might be a trigger for them.
Like talking about feelings.
Especially when they never felt safe expressing theirs.
I have issues expressing myself verbally.
So I write a lot. I let out all the things I wish I could just SAY.
That I never get the CHANCE to say.
Because most people don't listen.
They want to be listened TO, but don't listen.
I know people like this. Who talk and talk and talk
but when I want to talk, they just talk some more
and I don't get to say anything.
Because when I get the chance to say something
I've been waiting so long to say it, that the moment passes.
So yeah, I write a lot. There's lots I want to say
that I never get to say.
I just wish people would understand and 'get it'
and 'get' me and 'get' WHY I try.
I try because I care. I try because nobody can say that I didn't.
I try because I want to create some results...
It's just that it often blows up right in my face...
It's either I don't try hard enough or I try too hard.
It's like I'm giving out a disportionate amount of f*cks.
Still working on figuring out what the cause of this anxiety is.
I wake up every day feeling like that.
It doesn't make for the best start to the day....
Just been thinking a lot. That doesn't change.
Sometimes thinking really does me good,
sometimes my head gets spinning too much in the wrong direction
and I want to talk and get my head straight
but it's my job to get my own head straight.
Nobody's job to get my head straight for me.
But the emotions and thoughts go together.
That is a fact. That people aren't talking about.
People are not suggesting that they gain more power
over their minds so that they can feel better....
Mixed thoughts often lead to mixed emotions.
Like when I really didn't know what to think,
I really didn't know how to feel, either.
But because I didn't know how to feel... I went to my default feelings.
Like if I just experienced something that people don't have a reason
to be happy about, then chances are, I'm not going to be happy about it.
But we rely so much on reasons to feel certain ways.
"There's no reason to feel happy."
Then we convince ourselves that happiness is unreasonable.
It's unattainable because it's been rendered unreasonable...
Because we put conditions on things all the time.
And I want to move past the conditions that I've been preconditioned
to put on things and situations so that I can move past them
and to move past a lot of old sh*t.
Just kind of wish that when people are speaking from the heart
that people wouldn't treat them like they are speaking out of their ass.
So that they'd appreciate the honesty, the complete sincerity...
Like people are so tired of being lied to
that when they hear something they think is bullsh*t,
they treat it like it's bullsh*t.
Then they just call the person ''crazy" or give some other label.
Because that's apparently what stops people from speaking from their hearts.
Getting them broken and having their hearts abused.
By people who were abused.
Who don't know how to love let alone what love even truly is.
But just because you try to be understanding and patient
doesn't mean that people don't try to take advantage.
People testing, testing, trying, trying our patience
and thinking we'll understand our choices
when they are affected by the choices we make...
I've been really affected by this.
Because I've let myself be so open. I've put a lot into it.
I've tried. It's just not the right time.
I can't say much more than that. I guess time will tell what happens next.
Because I did try and I kept trying and trying and trying.
But we can only keep trying so long before we realize
that what we are doing isn't working.
That's when we become somewhat complacent. When we are in denial.
Because we can be efficiently ineffective.
Because we keep doing the things we know how to do, and how to do well.
Even when these things work against us.
And we avoid doing the things we don't know how to do
because we don't know how to do them!
Learning how to do things we don't know how to do
takes a lot of work that apparently we're not making the time to do.
I've been putting so much effort into trying to establish a connection
that I ended up feeling so disconnected.
From the person I was trying to connect with and build with
and from myself....
And just because you recognize some things
doesn't mean others will recognize the same things.
Or realize things just because you have...
They are living their own unique experience.
So how you are experiencing something
is different from how they are experiencing it.
What isn't a trigger for you might be a trigger for them.
Like talking about feelings.
Especially when they never felt safe expressing theirs.
I have issues expressing myself verbally.
So I write a lot. I let out all the things I wish I could just SAY.
That I never get the CHANCE to say.
Because most people don't listen.
They want to be listened TO, but don't listen.
I know people like this. Who talk and talk and talk
but when I want to talk, they just talk some more
and I don't get to say anything.
Because when I get the chance to say something
I've been waiting so long to say it, that the moment passes.
So yeah, I write a lot. There's lots I want to say
that I never get to say.
I just wish people would understand and 'get it'
and 'get' me and 'get' WHY I try.
I try because I care. I try because nobody can say that I didn't.
I try because I want to create some results...
It's just that it often blows up right in my face...
It's either I don't try hard enough or I try too hard.
It's like I'm giving out a disportionate amount of f*cks.
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