Today was one of those days where I felt like I couldn't do much right.
Not that I screwed up so bad.
But I just felt like I wasn't 'good enough'
Because people dodge me.
And I know I shouldn't let that affect me, at all.
It did get to me, today. Not sure why.
It got to me in a way that I don't like. Got me down on myself.
And like I said, it shouldn't affect me, but I let it
and it's still getting to me because I haven't figured out how not to let it.
The thing is that I don't have to focus on it.
I can pretend that they don't and that there's nothing to let get to me.
I can pretend that there aren't any reasons for them to 'dodge' me.
I can pretend a lot of things.
Sometimes I think that I should.
But sometimes I think that pretending won't change anything.
I saw a bus today, had a sign that said "Seeing Is Believing."
Depends on what we see and how we see it,
but it also depends on what we already believe.
Been trying to figure out why things are the way they are
and why people act the way they act.
Trying to figure out a lot of things.
I guess it's not supposed to make much, if any sense.
But it doesn't mean I have to feel like this about it, either.
Maybe it's just the night time, maybe it's a lot of things.
Maybe it's a combination. Seeing things the way I have been hasn't been helping.
There are other ways I can see things. Better ways.
It's just hard changing my perspective on things.
Hard to see things differently, is all. Not impossible. Just hard.
"There is no accounting for other people." Someone told me this.
It makes sense. There isn't. Either they want to hang out or they don't.
Either they want to communicate or they don't.
Either they want to make the time or they don't.
What they want and don't want doesn't have much to do with me.
I'm not their deciding factor. Their own sh*t is their deciding factor.
Either they keep their word, or they don't.
Either they do it or they don't.
Either they pick up the phone and call me or they don't.
I've thought about it. A lot, but I'm done thinking about it now.
There are other things to think about. So many other things,
things that will help me feel so much better than this
and that's my job. To think my way into feeling better.
To work on changing what I think, how I think, the ways I think
so I can change what I feel, how I feel, the ways I feel.
Regardless if anyone wants to be a part of my life or not.
Not that I screwed up so bad.
But I just felt like I wasn't 'good enough'
Because people dodge me.
And I know I shouldn't let that affect me, at all.
It did get to me, today. Not sure why.
It got to me in a way that I don't like. Got me down on myself.
And like I said, it shouldn't affect me, but I let it
and it's still getting to me because I haven't figured out how not to let it.
The thing is that I don't have to focus on it.
I can pretend that they don't and that there's nothing to let get to me.
I can pretend that there aren't any reasons for them to 'dodge' me.
I can pretend a lot of things.
Sometimes I think that I should.
But sometimes I think that pretending won't change anything.
I saw a bus today, had a sign that said "Seeing Is Believing."
Depends on what we see and how we see it,
but it also depends on what we already believe.
Been trying to figure out why things are the way they are
and why people act the way they act.
Trying to figure out a lot of things.
I guess it's not supposed to make much, if any sense.
But it doesn't mean I have to feel like this about it, either.
Maybe it's just the night time, maybe it's a lot of things.
Maybe it's a combination. Seeing things the way I have been hasn't been helping.
There are other ways I can see things. Better ways.
It's just hard changing my perspective on things.
Hard to see things differently, is all. Not impossible. Just hard.
"There is no accounting for other people." Someone told me this.
It makes sense. There isn't. Either they want to hang out or they don't.
Either they want to communicate or they don't.
Either they want to make the time or they don't.
What they want and don't want doesn't have much to do with me.
I'm not their deciding factor. Their own sh*t is their deciding factor.
Either they keep their word, or they don't.
Either they do it or they don't.
Either they pick up the phone and call me or they don't.
I've thought about it. A lot, but I'm done thinking about it now.
There are other things to think about. So many other things,
things that will help me feel so much better than this
and that's my job. To think my way into feeling better.
To work on changing what I think, how I think, the ways I think
so I can change what I feel, how I feel, the ways I feel.
Regardless if anyone wants to be a part of my life or not.
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