Taking a study break. I do a section at a time, then take a break.
There's food safety certification next week and I want to go into it knowing
the causes and preventions and not going in not knowing anything.
I want to be prepared for this. So I have a few more days to study for it.
It's good to know this stuff, infections, bacteria, viruses, etc.
I remember getting food poisoning pretty badly a few times.
It's not fun being sick, especially really sick.
It would be nice to have a study group, though.
Anyway, I can only read so much of the textbook in a day
and I haven't been reading my other book much.
Been getting so tired. Catching up on lost sleep. I've needed it.
I've been thinking a lot about something that I won't get into.
It's just a situation I'm in. It's not bad, but I don't want to find out
that I shouldn't be in it, the hard way. The painful way.
It's like the Universe keeps letting me try to do things my way,
but then just laughs at me because there's a different plan.
"Oh, you think you know what's best for you? That's cute!"
Then, "You haven't seen anything, yet."
It's still very hard for me to have faith that things will work out
however they are meant to.
I keep wanting to have a hand in my own destiny, I always wanted to,
but I keep screwing things up and keep messing up, big time.
It's like the Universe saying: "Okay, you've had your fun. Now it's my turn."
"This has to end so you can get onto the path that's already been chosen for you."
Those "tower" moments when the tower comes crashing down.
The tower that I build from my own desires.
Then there are things I'd like to see in my future.
Then I think: "That wouldn't work out."
Because x,y,z. I don't think about the reasons it could.
Maybe I should.
But even if I did, certain things aren't meant to work out.
Because certain other things are.
And the time in between for reflecting...
As long as we don't drown in our reflection...
Reflection isn't a bad thing, a lot of the time it helps us learn.
It's just we can get stuck in it and it gets hard to move forward.
Which happens to me a lot.
I know how hard it can be to move forward when in a long period
of reflection and even remorse. Just all of that sadness and loss etc.
But "negative thoughts disrupts the decision making process."
Worrying affects our ability to succeed at certain tasks.
I've been prone to anxiety, a lot.
I used to worry a lot more about what others think of me.
I still do to some degree, but not as much.
Like on tests... If we are worried about failing,
we have less energy to pay attention to figure out the answers.
It's hard to let things go, too. The past, the outcomes, etc.
It's because we tend to do better when we have a sense of control,
but we can't control everything.
There are certain aspects of experiences we cannot control.
Not even in the slightest. Which bothers a lot of people.
They don't like the unpredictability of it,
but there wouldn't be pleasant surprises without unpredictability.
If everything was 100% predictable, we'd never be surprised.
And we want to be pleasantly surprised,
but not all surprises are pleasant.
Some things that happen unexpectedly are shocking, jarring, scarring.
But we have to take the rolls with the punches...
Is that how the saying goes? I often forget how they go...
Too little worry brings apathy. "I don't care either way."
Too much worry brings sabotage. "I care so much that I'll f*ck this up."
"Mild mood changes can sway thinking."
When people are in good moods, they tend to think more
'expansively and more positively.'
I've noticed this, too. When I'm in a better mood,
it's easier to focus on my spirituality stuff.
Because I'm not consumed by things that usually affect my mood.
Like put me in a bad mood. I can shrug those off more.
Because when we are in a good mood, we have a 'perceptial bias.'
But this goes for whatever mood we are in.
If we are in a bad mood, mood to have fun, etc.
Even a mood for love and romance.
I can't see myself having much love or romance in my life this year.
Part of me wants to, the other part doesn't want to get hurt.
Feeling positive allows us to think positively.
Feeling negative allows us to think negatively.
As someone who has been battling depression, I see this every day.
The times I feel great scare me sometimes. It feels weird.
People can outdo themselves if they have enough hope and optimism.
Optimism is something I'm still learning.
Sometimes it's easier than other times and I have to talk myself into it,
but often I'm so focused on other things that I forget to talk myself into it.
Then I have to just make do with the assurance stuff.
"Everything will be fine. Everything will be great."
It's hard to start believing in stuff when you have doubts
so gotta work on dispelling those doubts.
Like a friend of mine was having some issues
with insecurity and stuff like this.
Which I often do, too. So I understand,
but I have to push through those feelings
and get to the root of those feelings which are my thoughts,
my thought patterns, my habitual thought streams etc.
For a long time I thought they were separate,
that they didn't affect each other, I didn't know that they did.
When I learned that they do, things started changing.
I started seeing how certain thoughts would cause my feelings
to either go up or down, or even level out.
I tried certain thought experiments. Some I've written about.
Some I want to experiment with more. Imagination stuff.
To see how it will affect my mood, my thoughts, my feelings etc.
Even feeling free to imagine the posibilities...
That changes so much. Day dreaming while being awake.
Making certain boring things fun.
Anything can be made to be and seem and feel completely different.
But we don't use our imaginations very much.
As a kid I used mine so much more,
then as we grow up, we have adults telling us to 'grow up.'
"Stop acting like a kid." "Face reality." All these things.
So we stop using it, "it's only a play thing for kids" we think.
It's actually a tool that we don't use nearly enough.
There's food safety certification next week and I want to go into it knowing
the causes and preventions and not going in not knowing anything.
I want to be prepared for this. So I have a few more days to study for it.
It's good to know this stuff, infections, bacteria, viruses, etc.
I remember getting food poisoning pretty badly a few times.
It's not fun being sick, especially really sick.
It would be nice to have a study group, though.
Anyway, I can only read so much of the textbook in a day
and I haven't been reading my other book much.
Been getting so tired. Catching up on lost sleep. I've needed it.
I've been thinking a lot about something that I won't get into.
It's just a situation I'm in. It's not bad, but I don't want to find out
that I shouldn't be in it, the hard way. The painful way.
It's like the Universe keeps letting me try to do things my way,
but then just laughs at me because there's a different plan.
"Oh, you think you know what's best for you? That's cute!"
Then, "You haven't seen anything, yet."
It's still very hard for me to have faith that things will work out
however they are meant to.
I keep wanting to have a hand in my own destiny, I always wanted to,
but I keep screwing things up and keep messing up, big time.
It's like the Universe saying: "Okay, you've had your fun. Now it's my turn."
"This has to end so you can get onto the path that's already been chosen for you."
Those "tower" moments when the tower comes crashing down.
The tower that I build from my own desires.
Then there are things I'd like to see in my future.
Then I think: "That wouldn't work out."
Because x,y,z. I don't think about the reasons it could.
Maybe I should.
But even if I did, certain things aren't meant to work out.
Because certain other things are.
And the time in between for reflecting...
As long as we don't drown in our reflection...
Reflection isn't a bad thing, a lot of the time it helps us learn.
It's just we can get stuck in it and it gets hard to move forward.
Which happens to me a lot.
I know how hard it can be to move forward when in a long period
of reflection and even remorse. Just all of that sadness and loss etc.
But "negative thoughts disrupts the decision making process."
Worrying affects our ability to succeed at certain tasks.
I've been prone to anxiety, a lot.
I used to worry a lot more about what others think of me.
I still do to some degree, but not as much.
Like on tests... If we are worried about failing,
we have less energy to pay attention to figure out the answers.
It's hard to let things go, too. The past, the outcomes, etc.
It's because we tend to do better when we have a sense of control,
but we can't control everything.
There are certain aspects of experiences we cannot control.
Not even in the slightest. Which bothers a lot of people.
They don't like the unpredictability of it,
but there wouldn't be pleasant surprises without unpredictability.
If everything was 100% predictable, we'd never be surprised.
And we want to be pleasantly surprised,
but not all surprises are pleasant.
Some things that happen unexpectedly are shocking, jarring, scarring.
But we have to take the rolls with the punches...
Is that how the saying goes? I often forget how they go...
Too little worry brings apathy. "I don't care either way."
Too much worry brings sabotage. "I care so much that I'll f*ck this up."
"Mild mood changes can sway thinking."
When people are in good moods, they tend to think more
'expansively and more positively.'
I've noticed this, too. When I'm in a better mood,
it's easier to focus on my spirituality stuff.
Because I'm not consumed by things that usually affect my mood.
Like put me in a bad mood. I can shrug those off more.
Because when we are in a good mood, we have a 'perceptial bias.'
But this goes for whatever mood we are in.
If we are in a bad mood, mood to have fun, etc.
Even a mood for love and romance.
I can't see myself having much love or romance in my life this year.
Part of me wants to, the other part doesn't want to get hurt.
Feeling positive allows us to think positively.
Feeling negative allows us to think negatively.
As someone who has been battling depression, I see this every day.
The times I feel great scare me sometimes. It feels weird.
People can outdo themselves if they have enough hope and optimism.
Optimism is something I'm still learning.
Sometimes it's easier than other times and I have to talk myself into it,
but often I'm so focused on other things that I forget to talk myself into it.
Then I have to just make do with the assurance stuff.
"Everything will be fine. Everything will be great."
It's hard to start believing in stuff when you have doubts
so gotta work on dispelling those doubts.
Like a friend of mine was having some issues
with insecurity and stuff like this.
Which I often do, too. So I understand,
but I have to push through those feelings
and get to the root of those feelings which are my thoughts,
my thought patterns, my habitual thought streams etc.
For a long time I thought they were separate,
that they didn't affect each other, I didn't know that they did.
When I learned that they do, things started changing.
I started seeing how certain thoughts would cause my feelings
to either go up or down, or even level out.
I tried certain thought experiments. Some I've written about.
Some I want to experiment with more. Imagination stuff.
To see how it will affect my mood, my thoughts, my feelings etc.
Even feeling free to imagine the posibilities...
That changes so much. Day dreaming while being awake.
Making certain boring things fun.
Anything can be made to be and seem and feel completely different.
But we don't use our imaginations very much.
As a kid I used mine so much more,
then as we grow up, we have adults telling us to 'grow up.'
"Stop acting like a kid." "Face reality." All these things.
So we stop using it, "it's only a play thing for kids" we think.
It's actually a tool that we don't use nearly enough.
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