Today was an interesting day, I guess.
Started off really ruminating. Then working today got me in a better mood.
Because it's nice working with B****. He did ask me about how that went.
Because I had mentioned it to him the last time I saw him. So I told him.
I had decided that I was only going to tell him if he asked about it.
Then being busy really helped as a distraction, I guess.
Because I was focusing on the pit stuff, feeding the machine,
putting stuff away and that sort of thing. I was busier than usual,
but when I'm there Mo just does other stuff and lets me do pit stuff.
Plus he knows he can just ask me to do anything left over
so he can go home earlier. I don't mind. Mo's a good guy.
Today was interesting because one of the cleaners was in the kitchen,
like he usually is because he sweeps and mops in there,
I was putting a pot away and I said to him,
"We can make music with this."
"He said only white people make music with it."
Like I know better than to say "only black people (whatever)."
It's not even something that crosses my mind.
Mo was right there when he said it and it looked like his stomach dropped.
All I said was "If you say so." The kitchen isn't the place for that.
And there's only so much you can say without it getting out of hand anyway.
But I think Mo talked to him about it after. I don't know if he did,
but I think he may have said something.
Like I grew up in a neighborhood that was mixed,
but there were a lot of "only black people (whatever)" kind of views.
And once like four people
who were originally from Somalia attacked my mother. When I was a kid.
The cops actually took their side and called my mother a racist.
When it had NOTHING to do with race at all.
Their daughter said something to her mother about my mother
and her mother, father, brother, and sister basically jumped on my mother.
They took her cane and beat her with it in the middle of the street.
And the cops pretty much said that she was asking for it.
It did go to court and all they got was a year probation.
My mother had a concussion so bad from that... For a while.
She had to have a nurse come in during the day
and I had to help her when the nurse left.
And even after that, I'm not racist. It had nothing to do with race.
If four white people did the same thing to my mother, I'd have the same reaction.
But to play the race card to the cops... That is so low.
And for the cops to treat my mother the way they did was low.
Like they showed no concern for her at all and were even disgusted.
And I was disgusted by the cops. Because I knew it was NOTHING like that.
Anyway, I was shocked to hear him say "only white people..."
I knew after he said that that he just sees us as "only white people."
And it's 2019! When is it just going to be "people"?
F*ck this white and black bullsh*t. Get over it already.
There's one race. The human race.
Another thing is that I found out some dude got hit by a bus last night.
A guy who works at the shelter was saying that he saw it happen.
The driver swerved to try to avoid hitting him, but he hit him.
The guy went flying and rolled, and landed in the middle of the road.
I don't know if he died or what. He was saying how people were complaining
that their bus was late. "A guy could have died
and you're worried about your bus?!"
It was just weird today, but I did try to shake it off and did for a bit.
I know that I will be completely over it. Eventually.
I tend to think about things so much. Repeatedly.
Even if I get my mind off it, I get sucked back into it.
I kept reminding myself that I don't have to keep going back to it.
I have reached a conclusion about it, but it still keeps coming up.
Another thing happened too, before I got to the kitchen today.
I was going to get my bus pass renewed (I don't drive).
The place I was going to go to do that was closed.
Because it is New Year's Day. Then I was walking to the other place
(which was also closed by the time I got there.)
But as I was walking there, I got to the corner of the street,
I was waiting for the light to change so that I could cross the street....
A car was turning the corner, just when I was thinking:
"Thoughts are just thoughts." I looked at the license plate number.
It was 217! And the car was like driving slowing around the corner.
Whenever I see it... I'm going to try to pay attention to
what I was thinking at the time I see it.
It's always like I'm right at the right place at the right time when I see it.
One time I was at a restaurant and my order number was 217.
Then my ex and I were taking the train and the number on the train was 217.
And to see it last night and then today.... Just like how I keep seeing 333...
Tonight I kept seeing CCC. I thought that was funny since C is the 3rd letter.
As I was walking, I got an urge to look up and I saw the sunlight
shining through the ice on the tips of the twigs on the tree branches.
It was really beautiful, it was shiny like silver.
It reminded me of that tinsel stuff that people put on Christmas trees.
If I had my camera, I would have snapped a picture of it.
I feel like it was a special moment, like "Hey, look at this!"
It was like "get out of your head for just a moment... Look!"
I kept getting the feeling that whatever I'm waiting for
is going to be worth waiting for. So worth it. Which is a comforting thought.
There is comfort in comforting thoughts.
It lessens the anxiety and the tension. Mostly anxiety.
Because I never know what's going to happen, but not everything has to be bad.
There can be good stuff, unexpectedly. "Surprise!"
I have a friend who hates surprises. It literally drives him crazy.
I wanted to surprise him with a boat cruise thing.
I wanted to go but didn't want to go alone and asked his girlfriend
(well his fiance now) to help me surprise him and it drove him crazy.
Because he knew we both knew but wouldn't tell him
and he was even getting mad and trying to trick us into telling him.
He did really like it and it was great, but he hated the anticipation
and not knowing drove him up a wall.
It was just a river cruise thing on a "party boat" with a DJ and there was booze.
It just cruised on the Ottawa River for like 2 hours. It was cool.
I went to a Valentine's Party thing with him and his ex room-mate.
It was a singles party thing and all of us were single.
This was before he met his fiance. I think they met a month or so later.
Anyway, he and his buddy were both drunk. I had quit drinking before this.
So I didn't touch a drop all night.
Anyway, we were taking a cab home and he said something to his buddy
that he didn't like and they got into it, in the cab.
The cab driver was shocked and didn't know what to do.
It got intense and I thought it was going to come to blows. It didn't.
His buddy ended up just getting out of the cab,
but they lived together so they had to be in each's other's space after that.
My friend ended up getting a lock on his bedroom door
and keeping all his stuff in his room, like his dishes and stuff.
The guy would use his dishes and just not wash them
so he got sick of it and just kept all his dishes in his room.
He initially got the lock because he noticed that his bed had been moved.
Like a few inches closer to the window.
He was convinced that his buddy screwed some chick in his bed.
That's why he got the lock. Like use your own bed!
Anyway, B**** told me a rooster joke today. I needed it.
He says: "A guy had 250 hens and needed a rooster
so that he could get his hens to lay eggs...
He goes to the market to get a rooster and a farmer says:
"This is my last one. I'm selling him for $200."
He says: "$200 for a rooster?! Are you crazy?!"
The farmer says: "He's the last one I got and I'm not taking any less for him."
So he ends up dropping the $200 for the rooster.
He takes him back to the farm and the rooster bangs all 250 hens,
the next day, he bangs all 250 again,
then the day after, all 250 again...
The 4th day he sees the rooster laying out in the field
and he sees the vultures... Circling around.
He goes out there and says to the rooster:
"You had to go bang them all 3 times! Couldn't it have been just once?!
Now look at ya, you're dead!"
Then he gets ready to pick up the rooster.
The rooster opens an eye and says:
"Shut up and go away, they're going to land soon."
I'll end the post on that note.
Started off really ruminating. Then working today got me in a better mood.
Because it's nice working with B****. He did ask me about how that went.
Because I had mentioned it to him the last time I saw him. So I told him.
I had decided that I was only going to tell him if he asked about it.
Then being busy really helped as a distraction, I guess.
Because I was focusing on the pit stuff, feeding the machine,
putting stuff away and that sort of thing. I was busier than usual,
but when I'm there Mo just does other stuff and lets me do pit stuff.
Plus he knows he can just ask me to do anything left over
so he can go home earlier. I don't mind. Mo's a good guy.
Today was interesting because one of the cleaners was in the kitchen,
like he usually is because he sweeps and mops in there,
I was putting a pot away and I said to him,
"We can make music with this."
"He said only white people make music with it."
Like I know better than to say "only black people (whatever)."
It's not even something that crosses my mind.
Mo was right there when he said it and it looked like his stomach dropped.
All I said was "If you say so." The kitchen isn't the place for that.
And there's only so much you can say without it getting out of hand anyway.
But I think Mo talked to him about it after. I don't know if he did,
but I think he may have said something.
Like I grew up in a neighborhood that was mixed,
but there were a lot of "only black people (whatever)" kind of views.
And once like four people
who were originally from Somalia attacked my mother. When I was a kid.
The cops actually took their side and called my mother a racist.
When it had NOTHING to do with race at all.
Their daughter said something to her mother about my mother
and her mother, father, brother, and sister basically jumped on my mother.
They took her cane and beat her with it in the middle of the street.
And the cops pretty much said that she was asking for it.
It did go to court and all they got was a year probation.
My mother had a concussion so bad from that... For a while.
She had to have a nurse come in during the day
and I had to help her when the nurse left.
And even after that, I'm not racist. It had nothing to do with race.
If four white people did the same thing to my mother, I'd have the same reaction.
But to play the race card to the cops... That is so low.
And for the cops to treat my mother the way they did was low.
Like they showed no concern for her at all and were even disgusted.
And I was disgusted by the cops. Because I knew it was NOTHING like that.
Anyway, I was shocked to hear him say "only white people..."
I knew after he said that that he just sees us as "only white people."
And it's 2019! When is it just going to be "people"?
F*ck this white and black bullsh*t. Get over it already.
There's one race. The human race.
Another thing is that I found out some dude got hit by a bus last night.
A guy who works at the shelter was saying that he saw it happen.
The driver swerved to try to avoid hitting him, but he hit him.
The guy went flying and rolled, and landed in the middle of the road.
I don't know if he died or what. He was saying how people were complaining
that their bus was late. "A guy could have died
and you're worried about your bus?!"
It was just weird today, but I did try to shake it off and did for a bit.
I know that I will be completely over it. Eventually.
I tend to think about things so much. Repeatedly.
Even if I get my mind off it, I get sucked back into it.
I kept reminding myself that I don't have to keep going back to it.
I have reached a conclusion about it, but it still keeps coming up.
Another thing happened too, before I got to the kitchen today.
I was going to get my bus pass renewed (I don't drive).
The place I was going to go to do that was closed.
Because it is New Year's Day. Then I was walking to the other place
(which was also closed by the time I got there.)
But as I was walking there, I got to the corner of the street,
I was waiting for the light to change so that I could cross the street....
A car was turning the corner, just when I was thinking:
"Thoughts are just thoughts." I looked at the license plate number.
It was 217! And the car was like driving slowing around the corner.
Whenever I see it... I'm going to try to pay attention to
what I was thinking at the time I see it.
It's always like I'm right at the right place at the right time when I see it.
One time I was at a restaurant and my order number was 217.
Then my ex and I were taking the train and the number on the train was 217.
And to see it last night and then today.... Just like how I keep seeing 333...
Tonight I kept seeing CCC. I thought that was funny since C is the 3rd letter.
As I was walking, I got an urge to look up and I saw the sunlight
shining through the ice on the tips of the twigs on the tree branches.
It was really beautiful, it was shiny like silver.
It reminded me of that tinsel stuff that people put on Christmas trees.
If I had my camera, I would have snapped a picture of it.
I feel like it was a special moment, like "Hey, look at this!"
It was like "get out of your head for just a moment... Look!"
I kept getting the feeling that whatever I'm waiting for
is going to be worth waiting for. So worth it. Which is a comforting thought.
There is comfort in comforting thoughts.
It lessens the anxiety and the tension. Mostly anxiety.
Because I never know what's going to happen, but not everything has to be bad.
There can be good stuff, unexpectedly. "Surprise!"
I have a friend who hates surprises. It literally drives him crazy.
I wanted to surprise him with a boat cruise thing.
I wanted to go but didn't want to go alone and asked his girlfriend
(well his fiance now) to help me surprise him and it drove him crazy.
Because he knew we both knew but wouldn't tell him
and he was even getting mad and trying to trick us into telling him.
He did really like it and it was great, but he hated the anticipation
and not knowing drove him up a wall.
It was just a river cruise thing on a "party boat" with a DJ and there was booze.
It just cruised on the Ottawa River for like 2 hours. It was cool.
I went to a Valentine's Party thing with him and his ex room-mate.
It was a singles party thing and all of us were single.
This was before he met his fiance. I think they met a month or so later.
Anyway, he and his buddy were both drunk. I had quit drinking before this.
So I didn't touch a drop all night.
Anyway, we were taking a cab home and he said something to his buddy
that he didn't like and they got into it, in the cab.
The cab driver was shocked and didn't know what to do.
It got intense and I thought it was going to come to blows. It didn't.
His buddy ended up just getting out of the cab,
but they lived together so they had to be in each's other's space after that.
My friend ended up getting a lock on his bedroom door
and keeping all his stuff in his room, like his dishes and stuff.
The guy would use his dishes and just not wash them
so he got sick of it and just kept all his dishes in his room.
He initially got the lock because he noticed that his bed had been moved.
Like a few inches closer to the window.
He was convinced that his buddy screwed some chick in his bed.
That's why he got the lock. Like use your own bed!
Anyway, B**** told me a rooster joke today. I needed it.
He says: "A guy had 250 hens and needed a rooster
so that he could get his hens to lay eggs...
He goes to the market to get a rooster and a farmer says:
"This is my last one. I'm selling him for $200."
He says: "$200 for a rooster?! Are you crazy?!"
The farmer says: "He's the last one I got and I'm not taking any less for him."
So he ends up dropping the $200 for the rooster.
He takes him back to the farm and the rooster bangs all 250 hens,
the next day, he bangs all 250 again,
then the day after, all 250 again...
The 4th day he sees the rooster laying out in the field
and he sees the vultures... Circling around.
He goes out there and says to the rooster:
"You had to go bang them all 3 times! Couldn't it have been just once?!
Now look at ya, you're dead!"
Then he gets ready to pick up the rooster.
The rooster opens an eye and says:
"Shut up and go away, they're going to land soon."
I'll end the post on that note.
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