From every situation, there's something that can be learned.
When you start asking: "What can I learn from this?"
You're ready and interested to learn whatever it is. Lessons.
One lesson being that things are not going to be the way we want them to be.
A hard pill to swallow, yeah. Jagged pills hurt all the way down.
Also ask: "What is the best way I can use this situation?
What can I get out of it?" Not talking about getting what you want.
Or getting your way. It's not manipulation.
It's about leveraging your experiences.
The information we learn and get from the experience itself can be used.
It's never all about us. It's about learning something.
Whatever it is we must learn in whatever way we have to learn it.
Learning to do the best we can do in the situation.
We're not here to be given what we want, we're growing up.
Just because we're getting older doesn't mean we're grown up.
We can age without growing. People do that all the time.
"When you are in a situation where something doesn't go right,
most of the time you get angry, you complain, get sad about it,
blame the other person, blame yourself. What good does that do?
Only children behave that way.
Adults look at the situation, see what they can do, and forget about the rest."
"Our purpose is to be aware of what is actually happening."
"There are certain things we can get from external reality
and certain things you cannot get."
The teacher gives an example of this.
He says: "The rain falls downwards.
We can make a fuss about it falling downwards if we want it to fall upwards,
But it won't fall upwards no matter how much we cry about it."
"We grow up physically, but not emotionally or psychologically."
For a really long time, I refused to deal with my emotions.
I didn't grow up emotionally. Whenever I had any emotions
that I couldn't deal with like anger or sadness, I drank.
I felt like being dependant was going to get me what I wanted.
Only I depended on the wrong things. Not knowing this.
I didn't even have to be, I just felt like I had to be.
Because I 'needed' something I wasn't getting. And life was 'unfair' even 'cruel.'
Most people depend on something, even many thing,
for what they think they need. When that isn't actually what they need.
Love, approval, recognition, support, nourishment, contact, pleasure.
They don't question whether they actually need it or not.
Society seems to run on those things so why should they not need it, too?
The ego being emotionally dependant, calling it 'love.' I get it.
For a long time, I didn't even really know what love actually was.
I thought I did. I thought I knew what it wasn't.
How can we want something when we don't know what it is?!
All I knew was what I thought it was.
Taught by others who think they know what it is.
"Becoming autonomous means learning how
to provide emotional sustenance for yourself.
You learn to give yourself love, compassion, approval,
recognition, support, and strength.
You stop believing you need those things from the outside."
"Essentially, everyone is psychologically poor,
weak, deficient, unconscious."
It's nothing to feel insulted about. It's acknowledging the truth
or our current circumstances.
"What we will get from the outside if we keep looking for what we think we need
is frustration, suffering, pain, and disappointment. That's what is there."
Knowing ourselves isn't about just knowing what we like and don't like.
Or knowing what we want and don't want.
It's knowing that we can provide to ourselves
what we always sought from everything and everyone else.
Why? Because we can. Is it easy? No.
The reason people keep looking everywhere else is because it's not even easy
to even admit that it's not out THERE.
That people don't have to provide us with anything.
They are not breasts with nipples. They are people.
When we turn outwards, the inside closes.
When we turn inward, the outside closes. And everything out there cannot get in.
Which is fine. It's not actually what we're after. It's bullsh*t.
Then there are these Noble Truths in Buddism.
1) There is suffering.
2) Suffering comes from desire.
3) There is an end of suffering.
4) The end of suffering is the Path.
I can see how suffering is the wanting.
I've wanted things I could not get. Because most of what I wanted
'depended' on other people. To be this way or that way.
To give me what I wanted "love me", the way I wanted it "a certain way."
"love me" "see me" "know me" "keep me company" etc.
Not being able to get what we want is emotional suffering.
And often psychological suffering.
"There must be some reason I can't have what I want." etc.
The Path is inward. We see through our pretentions.
"These beliefs about your inadequacies and deficiencies
are the the basis of the feeling that what you have is not enough
or is not good enough."
This is why we want more or something other than we have.
Not wanting (whatever) doesn't mean not having what we want.
Doesn't mean not having anything at all.
It's just that we are free from feeling how we feel without what we want.
And that is why we want what we want in the first place
because we don't want to feel that 'lack.'
Because the 'lack' is the pain and suffering.
When you start asking: "What can I learn from this?"
You're ready and interested to learn whatever it is. Lessons.
One lesson being that things are not going to be the way we want them to be.
A hard pill to swallow, yeah. Jagged pills hurt all the way down.
Also ask: "What is the best way I can use this situation?
What can I get out of it?" Not talking about getting what you want.
Or getting your way. It's not manipulation.
It's about leveraging your experiences.
The information we learn and get from the experience itself can be used.
It's never all about us. It's about learning something.
Whatever it is we must learn in whatever way we have to learn it.
Learning to do the best we can do in the situation.
We're not here to be given what we want, we're growing up.
Just because we're getting older doesn't mean we're grown up.
We can age without growing. People do that all the time.
"When you are in a situation where something doesn't go right,
most of the time you get angry, you complain, get sad about it,
blame the other person, blame yourself. What good does that do?
Only children behave that way.
Adults look at the situation, see what they can do, and forget about the rest."
"Our purpose is to be aware of what is actually happening."
"There are certain things we can get from external reality
and certain things you cannot get."
The teacher gives an example of this.
He says: "The rain falls downwards.
We can make a fuss about it falling downwards if we want it to fall upwards,
But it won't fall upwards no matter how much we cry about it."
"We grow up physically, but not emotionally or psychologically."
For a really long time, I refused to deal with my emotions.
I didn't grow up emotionally. Whenever I had any emotions
that I couldn't deal with like anger or sadness, I drank.
I felt like being dependant was going to get me what I wanted.
Only I depended on the wrong things. Not knowing this.
I didn't even have to be, I just felt like I had to be.
Because I 'needed' something I wasn't getting. And life was 'unfair' even 'cruel.'
Most people depend on something, even many thing,
for what they think they need. When that isn't actually what they need.
Love, approval, recognition, support, nourishment, contact, pleasure.
They don't question whether they actually need it or not.
Society seems to run on those things so why should they not need it, too?
The ego being emotionally dependant, calling it 'love.' I get it.
For a long time, I didn't even really know what love actually was.
I thought I did. I thought I knew what it wasn't.
How can we want something when we don't know what it is?!
All I knew was what I thought it was.
Taught by others who think they know what it is.
"Becoming autonomous means learning how
to provide emotional sustenance for yourself.
You learn to give yourself love, compassion, approval,
recognition, support, and strength.
You stop believing you need those things from the outside."
"Essentially, everyone is psychologically poor,
weak, deficient, unconscious."
It's nothing to feel insulted about. It's acknowledging the truth
or our current circumstances.
"What we will get from the outside if we keep looking for what we think we need
is frustration, suffering, pain, and disappointment. That's what is there."
Knowing ourselves isn't about just knowing what we like and don't like.
Or knowing what we want and don't want.
It's knowing that we can provide to ourselves
what we always sought from everything and everyone else.
Why? Because we can. Is it easy? No.
The reason people keep looking everywhere else is because it's not even easy
to even admit that it's not out THERE.
That people don't have to provide us with anything.
They are not breasts with nipples. They are people.
When we turn outwards, the inside closes.
When we turn inward, the outside closes. And everything out there cannot get in.
Which is fine. It's not actually what we're after. It's bullsh*t.
Then there are these Noble Truths in Buddism.
1) There is suffering.
2) Suffering comes from desire.
3) There is an end of suffering.
4) The end of suffering is the Path.
I can see how suffering is the wanting.
I've wanted things I could not get. Because most of what I wanted
'depended' on other people. To be this way or that way.
To give me what I wanted "love me", the way I wanted it "a certain way."
"love me" "see me" "know me" "keep me company" etc.
Not being able to get what we want is emotional suffering.
And often psychological suffering.
"There must be some reason I can't have what I want." etc.
The Path is inward. We see through our pretentions.
"These beliefs about your inadequacies and deficiencies
are the the basis of the feeling that what you have is not enough
or is not good enough."
This is why we want more or something other than we have.
Not wanting (whatever) doesn't mean not having what we want.
Doesn't mean not having anything at all.
It's just that we are free from feeling how we feel without what we want.
And that is why we want what we want in the first place
because we don't want to feel that 'lack.'
Because the 'lack' is the pain and suffering.
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