Unless....

Not sure if it's because I over-think things, or what it is. I found out something that I probably had no business knowing. Just now it is sort of bothering me and I can't talk about it. It shouldn't bother me. I shouldn't care about it. I really shouldn't. But it does, I do, I really do. Of course life would be easier if I didn't care. About half the stuff that seems to bother me. Just not sure what to make of it, yet. I'm sure it will make sense in the end. Maybe it will. Who knows? 

Maybe it is nothing. I'm not worried. Not really. Unless things start getting crazy. Then... 

Just things have been going so well lately that I'm bound for another upset. 

It goes from Slump, to Recession, to Recovery, to BOOM. Back down to Slump again. It always does. No escaping it. It seems that things are too good to be true and I know that as soon as I start to feel good again, something will happen. Not that I want it to happen. It just does. Then I'm stuck, again. For a while. I hate it. I wish it didn't have to happen that way. I wish I didn't have to fight to stay 'up'. Y'know? I do. I will. I haven't really given up, yet. I don't think I will ever 'give up' completely. But I guess there are things that are better left alone. Untouched. With a huge "Do NOT Go There." Sign on it. You can guess what a few of those things are. Those who know me pretty well by now don't even have to guess. They probably know.

I need to prepare myself for whatever is going to happen so that it doesn't hurt as much as some of the things that have happened, did. They really, did. I didn't see it coming, but I should have. I should have known it was coming and seen it coming. Way before it happened. So that I could have dealt with it much better than I did. I guess, in some ways, I'm still dealing with it. It doesn't hurt, as much, anymore, but... Well, in a lot of ways I am over it. It was probably for the best. Even all the other things that have happened to me, that hurt, were probably for good reasons. Even if they were not good things to have happen. Everything happens for a reason. I want to think they were for good reasons. To make me stronger? Maybe. 

It is the time to bury myself in my work and just let a lot of other stuff go. Part of my work is learning HOW to let things go. Which is hard. It is, but I need to.