I'm glad that I started my project again. It's something to focus on and is within my control. There are lots of things that I would focus on, if I had any control. Maybe the more focus, the more control? That could be something. Sometimes it is good to think into words. Just writing thoughts. It does help.
The project is going fairly well for me. The more I work on it, the more I feel like I've gotten done. Accomplishing things is one of the best feelings. Maybe that is why there are so many over-achievers in the world.
I remember something someone told me:
"The key to moving on is letting go, and the key to letting go is moving on."
There are lots of changes happening. I'm changing, too. I'm growing, learning. Because I have reasons for wanting to do this stuff. One of my choices is: To choose to work for something I believe in.
I remember something I read:
"If you need something to believe in, start with believing in yourself."
Like I said with depression.... It's fear & doubt.
Fear feeding the doubt the doubt feeding the fear.
I'm the most depressed when I'm the most doubtful. You know what I've been doubting most? Myself!
The opposite of doubt is belief.
Belief can do a lot. I link belief with faith.
The opposite of fear is faith.
Guess I'm still thinking about things. I always have a lot on my mind. So much that I couldn't begin writing about all of it. These are just a few things. The majority of what I think of, I always keep to myself. Partly because I don't think anyone would understand. It's like some things only make sense to me. If that makes sense. Another reason is that I don't really have anyone to really tell what I'm thinking about. I'm always letting others express themselves and no expressing myself. Even if I had the chance, how am I supposed to take that chance? I'm still trying to figure out HOW to express myself. Blogging has helped over the years. Someone told me that I probably express myself a LOT more in writing than any other way. Which is true. I do. I'd like to say that I always have, but there was a time I didn't do any writing. I still remember keeping a journal when I was really young. Like 8 or 9 I had my first one. I kept most of my journals from back then. I had been typing them up into some sort of auto-biography thing. Maybe I should continue with that. Just there's so much writing to catch up on. Every time I take a break from it, I have a hard time getting back into doing it.
Like at work, I'd rather work through my first break (only 15 minutes) than sit down, and rest from working. Because I know that if I do rest, I will not want to get back into it. When I get into something, I'll keep going until I have to force myself to stop. A couple nights ago, I worked on my project pretty much all night. I had started separating sections and devoting each section to a slide. (Making it into a slideshow). For quick studying later. Then I had an idea. I could probably condense things further by plotting it onto a table. Then started making more tables. I got it to about 10 pages, then had to leave it. I found that I could put several slides into one table and have one table per page, depending how big the tables are. I have a page with 3 tables on it, because they were small enough to be put together. Also helps as a quick study reference. When I was studying for tests in college, I had a system. It worked. When I wanted to learn a certain phrase, I'd use the first letter of the key words. Then go over it and over it, remembering what the letters stood for.
If I wanted to remember that Plato was the student of Socrates and the teacher of Aristotle...
I'd just put that into the shortest form: P= S/S - T/A.
I'd translate HUGE sections of text into code like this. It works for me.
The project is going fairly well for me. The more I work on it, the more I feel like I've gotten done. Accomplishing things is one of the best feelings. Maybe that is why there are so many over-achievers in the world.
I remember something someone told me:
"The key to moving on is letting go, and the key to letting go is moving on."
There are lots of changes happening. I'm changing, too. I'm growing, learning. Because I have reasons for wanting to do this stuff. One of my choices is: To choose to work for something I believe in.
I remember something I read:
"If you need something to believe in, start with believing in yourself."
Like I said with depression.... It's fear & doubt.
Fear feeding the doubt the doubt feeding the fear.
I'm the most depressed when I'm the most doubtful. You know what I've been doubting most? Myself!
The opposite of doubt is belief.
Belief can do a lot. I link belief with faith.
The opposite of fear is faith.
Guess I'm still thinking about things. I always have a lot on my mind. So much that I couldn't begin writing about all of it. These are just a few things. The majority of what I think of, I always keep to myself. Partly because I don't think anyone would understand. It's like some things only make sense to me. If that makes sense. Another reason is that I don't really have anyone to really tell what I'm thinking about. I'm always letting others express themselves and no expressing myself. Even if I had the chance, how am I supposed to take that chance? I'm still trying to figure out HOW to express myself. Blogging has helped over the years. Someone told me that I probably express myself a LOT more in writing than any other way. Which is true. I do. I'd like to say that I always have, but there was a time I didn't do any writing. I still remember keeping a journal when I was really young. Like 8 or 9 I had my first one. I kept most of my journals from back then. I had been typing them up into some sort of auto-biography thing. Maybe I should continue with that. Just there's so much writing to catch up on. Every time I take a break from it, I have a hard time getting back into doing it.
Like at work, I'd rather work through my first break (only 15 minutes) than sit down, and rest from working. Because I know that if I do rest, I will not want to get back into it. When I get into something, I'll keep going until I have to force myself to stop. A couple nights ago, I worked on my project pretty much all night. I had started separating sections and devoting each section to a slide. (Making it into a slideshow). For quick studying later. Then I had an idea. I could probably condense things further by plotting it onto a table. Then started making more tables. I got it to about 10 pages, then had to leave it. I found that I could put several slides into one table and have one table per page, depending how big the tables are. I have a page with 3 tables on it, because they were small enough to be put together. Also helps as a quick study reference. When I was studying for tests in college, I had a system. It worked. When I wanted to learn a certain phrase, I'd use the first letter of the key words. Then go over it and over it, remembering what the letters stood for.
If I wanted to remember that Plato was the student of Socrates and the teacher of Aristotle...
I'd just put that into the shortest form: P= S/S - T/A.
I'd translate HUGE sections of text into code like this. It works for me.
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