Hikes Help

I was surprised today. Got a ride out to Quebec to go for a hike around Pink Lake. The trail goes all the way around the lake. It was neat. I had a good time. Just at the end, I was so tired. I had to go straight to bed. I think it was all the fresh air and the fact that I didn't get much if any sleep the night before.

I've been having a lot of emotional problems lately. Because I do care about my ex-boyfriend. I do care about him quite a bit. I'm not in love with him anymore. I feel like another person because I have changed. I want to be happy, but at the same time I feel like I'm being selfish because of wanting something for myself.

I know that he's not ready to settle down and even if he was, I don't think it'd be the right thing to do. I want to be friends, but I know that he wants more than that. I wrote about this before, but this isn't getting any easier. I'm going to try to find a book called 'Conscious Uncoupling'. In my mind, he and I are no longer a couple but he keeps telling me he loves me and trying to kiss me and it feels like I'm trapped and pressured. I've been starting to notice that he wants things his way and is only happy when he gets his way. I'm only going to disappoint him if I stop giving into his wants because they are not my wants.

I don't even really know what I want. I know what I don't want. I don't want anyone being possessive of me. I don't want anyone to be jealous when I am with my friends. I think that what bothers me the most is his possessiveness. It makes me feel trapped. It makes me feel like I don't belong with him. It makes me feel like I ought to just be on my own.

Anyway, I took a bunch of pictures on the hike and I'll put some up here tomorrow, if I remember to do that.