Management

I'm starting this post with a deep breath. Because it is important for me to write about this.

First of all, I have to say that I'm at a very important time in my life where I need to make a lot of changes. Changes that will be beneficial to me and to the people in my life.

For the past year, I've been stuck. Probably longer than that... But the past year there have been a lot of things going on in my life where I didn't have the time I needed to focus on my self, to fix things, to make changes. It's pretty much to the point where the time is now.

I was talking to a few people who have been encouraging me. That's what I needed most. Encouragement.

I don't have family ties. Supportive family members to guide me. To help me make decisions. I have a few friends who have been where I am now and they've made changes to their own lives and give me advice.

I need to start making a plan and keep working at it, day by day. I don't want to be stuck here, not knowing what to do with my life. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting time. I feel like I wasted too much time already. All of this shouldn't be new to me, but it is. It's so much easier when there's someone to coach you, guide you, and in a perfect world these people would be your parents. But there are times you need to find someone else to show you how to do things.

Tonight I had important conversations. There are things that I have to remember.

I have A LOT of TIME... I don't have to do everything at once, and it's not even possible to do everything at once.

I have to do things ONE STEP AT A TIME

As long as I think POSITIVELY, I can accomplish the things I need to if I try hard enough.

One of my friends had posted something on facebook that says:

If you're depressed, it means you're living in the PAST
If you're anxious, it means you're living in the FUTURE
If you're at peace, it means you're living in the PRESENT

The only way I can find peace is to have a balance. I can't live in the past. I have to live for today.
Life is what you CHOOSE to EXPERIENCE. All about choices. I'm not good at making choices. I've never been good at making decisions. But they don't make themselves and nobody is going to decide for me.
When I was in group homes, all my decisions were basically made for me. I had no choice in anything and nobody taught me how to make my own choices. Nobody taught me how to make goals.

I've been reading an e-book by a guy named Michael Hyatt. He has some really good things to say. I'm starting to plan.

My first goal is to make some goals to incorporate into 'my plan'.

So far, I am in a program with a case worker. Although she is there to help me, I have to do this stuff on my own. But at least I have some help with this, to stay on track. We've been meeting once a week. Which is good for me because I need something on a regular basis.

I need something to do with all this time I have on my hands now. Since my son has gone to live with his father, I feel like I no longer have a role to fill. When my son was living here, I had a routine. I feel like everything got taken away from me. A year later, I'm just starting to look for something to fill the gap. That huge void that I have in my life.

Encouragement is HUGE! It helps me in a lot of ways. It is EMPOWERING and I need it so badly. It's something I never had before and it's so important.

I might have to just plan out every single day for a few weeks and do it the way I plan it. Like hour by hour. The only thing that will save my sanity is having a routine. A schedule to follow.