Today I decided to go for a walk. I thought it would make me feel better. Sometimes I feel great after going for a walk. Today, I'm just sad. I don't even know why.
I had a long talk with my friend last night about relationships and how it's okay and even good to be alone sometimes. I agree. Relationships are often stressful. Especially if someone dates someone who is constantly only thinking of themselves.
It's about time I learned to just live with myself. I have to learn how to do those 'self reflections.' I just don't know how to really interact with myself to find out what is the cause of my depression. Sure, life isn't perfect... It doesn't have to mean that I have to feel bad about that. I really do want to be happy and there are lots of reasons to be happy. Because I have so much to be thankful for.
The past is nothing more than a chain of events and experiences that I cannot do anything to change. I have to stop living in the past. It's very unproductive. Also it depresses the heck out of me. All those hopes and dreams I have for the future, they depress me too. Because I feel like those things out of life that I want so badly are impossible to achieve. Especially feeling the way that I do. I know I'm 'different'. I get reminded of that all the time. Everywhere I go. That doesn't make life any easier.
I keep thinking that if I could get more out of life, I'd feel a lot better. I stopped trying because it seemed like I wasn't getting anywhere. I want to get somewhere. I want to feel happy and secure with myself. But the more time I spend alone, the worse it seems to get. The loneliness.
Trying to live in the present is hard because I know that I am where I am in life because of the past. I can't live in the past because all of that is done and gone. I only have NOW and LATER. All the things I keep saying I'm going to do later should be done now. Not to just get them over with, but because I might not get to do any of it if I keep putting it off.
I'd love to travel and go to somewhere new. Some place I've never been to before. It's always spring time when I get that urge to travel. Where would I go if I even got the chance? I don't know the answer to that.
I have so much to learn even if I always feel like I'm running out of time. I feel like that day that it'll be too late is fast approaching. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my life. You only get to live once. I want to have experiences. I want to have friends to share those experiences with. It's so hard to make old friends out of new friends. Nobody seems to want to stick around that long. They all have their own lives.
Trying to meet new people is very hard. For me it is. They think I'm weird, or crazy... They don't get my sense of humor... They don't like me. It's hard to find people to even talk to. Just to talk. If it weren't for having the internet, I'd be going crazy. Just coming home to an almost empty place really sucks. If it weren't for having a cat.... I'd be alone here. When it sets in, it's hard to feel better about anything. So I try to get out of the house. I bring my camera and take pictures. BTW: I'm uploading some new pictures to my RANDOM ADVENTURES page.
I had a long talk with my friend last night about relationships and how it's okay and even good to be alone sometimes. I agree. Relationships are often stressful. Especially if someone dates someone who is constantly only thinking of themselves.
It's about time I learned to just live with myself. I have to learn how to do those 'self reflections.' I just don't know how to really interact with myself to find out what is the cause of my depression. Sure, life isn't perfect... It doesn't have to mean that I have to feel bad about that. I really do want to be happy and there are lots of reasons to be happy. Because I have so much to be thankful for.
The past is nothing more than a chain of events and experiences that I cannot do anything to change. I have to stop living in the past. It's very unproductive. Also it depresses the heck out of me. All those hopes and dreams I have for the future, they depress me too. Because I feel like those things out of life that I want so badly are impossible to achieve. Especially feeling the way that I do. I know I'm 'different'. I get reminded of that all the time. Everywhere I go. That doesn't make life any easier.
I keep thinking that if I could get more out of life, I'd feel a lot better. I stopped trying because it seemed like I wasn't getting anywhere. I want to get somewhere. I want to feel happy and secure with myself. But the more time I spend alone, the worse it seems to get. The loneliness.
Trying to live in the present is hard because I know that I am where I am in life because of the past. I can't live in the past because all of that is done and gone. I only have NOW and LATER. All the things I keep saying I'm going to do later should be done now. Not to just get them over with, but because I might not get to do any of it if I keep putting it off.
I'd love to travel and go to somewhere new. Some place I've never been to before. It's always spring time when I get that urge to travel. Where would I go if I even got the chance? I don't know the answer to that.
I have so much to learn even if I always feel like I'm running out of time. I feel like that day that it'll be too late is fast approaching. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my life. You only get to live once. I want to have experiences. I want to have friends to share those experiences with. It's so hard to make old friends out of new friends. Nobody seems to want to stick around that long. They all have their own lives.
Trying to meet new people is very hard. For me it is. They think I'm weird, or crazy... They don't get my sense of humor... They don't like me. It's hard to find people to even talk to. Just to talk. If it weren't for having the internet, I'd be going crazy. Just coming home to an almost empty place really sucks. If it weren't for having a cat.... I'd be alone here. When it sets in, it's hard to feel better about anything. So I try to get out of the house. I bring my camera and take pictures. BTW: I'm uploading some new pictures to my RANDOM ADVENTURES page.
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