I'm back from the comedy club. I had won 10 tickets and only ended up bringing 2 people along with me. It's kind of sad, but everyone I know is busy it seems. I'm pissed off at my brother. I tried calling him and he never picked up his phone. He probably saw my number on caller I.D and decided not to answer it. His loss, it was fun.
I went for the first time last year. It was a date, but it never ended up being a second date. I say to that: His loss. He was really arrogant, which to me is not appealing, even though I probably would have dated him again. It was more of a rebound type of thing anyway. It would never have lasted.
I have a boyfriend now and we've been dating for over a year. He's sweet. He is. Dating has always been hard for me. Mostly because of my personality. I like to be left alone quite a bit, but when I need someone to be there, I NEED them to be there. Whenever I needed a guy, he's never been there and when I want to be left alone, that's when they need me, so it seems. I get irritated easily by intimacy because I only want it when I want it and when I don't want it, I have a hard time giving it. I like my space and clingy people just get on my nerves. And when I'm a clingy person, it gets on other peoples' nerves. I try to back off to show that I can back off and that is when the person I date wants to be close. Sometimes it annoys me to the point of being a tad angry. When I want to be left alone, then leave me alone. But when I want to be close then you'd better get close to me or I'll feel as though there is something wrong with me.
I can say I've been frustrated. I can't live the single life when I'm in a relationship and it seems that I can't think about what it is that I want because I'm too focused on making my boyfriend happy that I push my life aside for him. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. I've been doing it for so long that I should be used to it by now. I mean in general, making people happy, but sometimes I feel as though I just need my own time to just do what I want to do.
My boyfriend is a sweet heart. It's hard to find guys like him, it really is. I just think that sometimes people have to learn how to be on their own and not put their whole lives in someone else's hands. I have to be on my own because it is healthy. That learning process. One day I'll be on my own and I'd rather learn ahead of time to do this so that it won't come as such a shock to me. It does make sense when you think about the long run. When I'm an old woman.
Seriously, my boyfriend and I probably wouldn't still be together if there wasn't anything between us. We don't have much in common, but it is still a good relationship. He takes care of me. When I'm sick, he stays with me and takes care of me. He does things for me that most guys wouldn't do for their girlfriends. So I am lucky. Some people don't get why I'm with him, but that isn't their business. I'll do what makes me happy. Being with him makes me happy. I know that being with me makes him happy. Isn't that all that should matter????
Well so far things are going well. I'm starting my job tomorrow. So now at least I'll have some sort of job. It'll make me feel somewhat useful. Don't get me wrong, taking care of my son makes me feel useful, but having a job makes me feel even more useful. Maybe I'll get that feeling all the time: The "I don't want to go to work" feeling. At this point in time I DO want to go to work. It's been a really long time. At least I don't have to drag my ass into Kanata. F*ck, I hate Kanata. It's so suburban and it seems like I get stuck there.
I'm just pretty tired out tonight. Having 4 beers did that. My limit is 3, but I figured I'd go for 4 just for the heck of it. I definitely can't go more than 5 without feeling it, especially the next day. I'll say it again, for the sake of saying it. I HATE HANGOVERS. They should be outlawed. Illegal. That's it! NO MORE HANGOVERS. Hangovers be-gone!!!
Maybe I should go to sleep before I say/write anything stupid, if I haven't already.
GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE..................ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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