Having Computer Problems At Home

I haven't posted here for quite a while, not that I don't want to, or that I don't have the time. My computer needs to be fixed. I have no idea what is wrong with it, but there is a good chance that it has to be cleaned out.

My new job seems to be going well. I get regular hours and I just got a raise since I am now working full time. Not much of a raise, but it is better than nothing. They had me working in the Horticultural building and the best part was that I got to salvage really nice flowers that they were going to toss out. I think it is so wasteful because they could always donate the flowers to hospitals or nursing homes. The worst part about working there (and I work the night shift) is that it is a building with lots of places to hide, also it is far enough from the main building that it would take a while for security to get there.

They moved me over to the P building (the building that I spent 2 years studying in. I get to hang out in the simulation lab on my break, which is kind of cool. My class got to go in there to stage fake crime scenes for our forensics class. It was also about evidence and investigations, but I call it forensics because of that one day when we were in class talking about homicides and the teacher was showing us this slide show or corpses (all pictures taken from the city I live in) and he was asking us if the death was a homicide or a suicide, of course he knew, but he wanted to see if we could tell. Some of the suicides looked like homicides and vise versa.

The guy I'm working with is leaving in a week. He has special clearance to go to the firing range. He has to clean the classroom in there and the gun cleaning room, he also has to clean the firing range itself and vacuum the gunpowder off the floor. I don't get to go in there. He has to get a records check done every month to get the authorization to go it there. One guy that worked for this company was stealing computers from the school so that is why they have to get everyone to get a records check. It's a pain in the ass because you could either pay 10 bucks for it and wait five weeks or you can pay 35 bucks and get it in five minutes. Bribery!

I've made up my mind that I want to start getting in shape. I lost 60 pounds, but I want to get toned up and firm up my stomach. Not that I think it will help me get dates... To be honest, I haven't really been thinking much about dating since I started working. I mean, yeah, I do think about it when I get lonely, but as long as I keep busy, I don't worry much about it. Besides, it will happen when it happens. Whenever it happens. Something a friend once told me is that it is always better not to expect something to happen because when you expect something to happen that doesn't happen, it makes you feel bad, but when something good happens unexpectedly, it makes you feel good. It's like a surprise.

I've been feeling a lot better since I started working. I have more confidence and I feel useful. That is one of the main things. I always felt useless if I couldn't do what I wanted to do (i.e: get a job, earn a living), but now that one of my goals has been met, I feel all that much more satisfied.

I'm starting to look at life in a new light. It's too short to waste going after things that might not happen. I was always confused about something: They say; Seek and ye shall find and on another side they say: Good things happen to those who wait. What are we supposed to do? Seek? Or wait? Maybe there are some instances where one would be a better option than the other. I don't think that it is balanced. Everything in life seems out of balance. Like the rich and the poor, the good and the bad, everything. There is no equalibrium of justice either. You know the Libra sign with the balancing scale or whatever it is? Nothing is balanced. Not ever.

I've been doing so much thinking and writing (in my journal). I day dream in my journal. I imagine how wonderful things would be if I could find real love, not the kind of love that you tell the person you love them just because it slips out or because it is something that is expected of you like: "I love you" - "I love you, too." The next time I tell a guy that I love him, I want it to be for real, not just some stupid highschool fling like puppy love, but something that grows and gets stronger with time and effort. Not even effort, because it shouldn't even take effort if it is something sincere. It should just happen naturally. Time will tell.

Hopefully nobody thought I had stopped posting all together. I haven't had an opportunity until now. I will try to squeeze in some more posts when I can. I have pictures that I haven't posted yet. Some in my personal collection dating back to may of the crab apple blossoms and my walk to the beach. I really should take more pictures. I see things every day that make me say to myself: "I wish I had my camera!"

Thanks for your comments and your support !