Who Would Understand This Complex Mind?

I am starting to think a lot more clearly. When I get the chance to sit down and write I can get it all out. Taking deep breathes and exhaling slowly sure feels good. I am beginning to understand these emotions which will make it easier to establish this connection and make these changes. I am feeling good today, which can be a really big deal. I went to meet with my employment counselor who told me that he can already see the changes in me. He said that I look like I am doing much better. I have to admit that besides the minor setbacks, I have been feeling much better. I know that the medication is playing a role in that. If I had stuck with it the first time around, I might have gotten myself on track by now, but back then, I had no faith in anything let alone some medication that was supposed to work miracles. I know that it is going to take some time to get there, but every day that I wake up, and do the things I have to do to make my life better, gets me closer to that one day that my life will change forever.

I am really making the effort to realize my goal, I realize the importance of the goal, but I have yet to actualize it and make it happen. Every day is another day closer. I know that I can do this. I have to be patient and trust people who will help me learn how to help myself, how to take all the steps I have to take in order to achieve this goal.

For once in my life, I feel like I can do what I have always wanted and needed to do. I feel like I don't need to be in love to feel validated. I just need to be confident and keepo striving. The rest will take care of itself eventually. When I start working, I will forget all about looking for love. I won't even think about it because I will feel good about myself. I won't feel that I need it as badly. I don't need a relationship because I don't have to worry about impressing some guy, taking care of him, putting his needs above my own, not disappointing him, all of the other stressful aspects. I think I feel more insecure in a relationship than I do when I'm single. The reason I think this is because when I am in a relationship, I am contantly seeking affection, attention, reassurance, and most of all validation. For a long time I felt that sex was the only way I could feel validated by the person I was in a relationship with. I know that sounds really stupid. Now I realize that there are other ways of feeling validated. Ways that you can make yourself feel validated like taking some time just for yourself, doing something special just for yourself. Like have a cup of tea every night. Reward yourself. Do something you enjoy. Go for a walk to a place you really like to go. Find a place of solace where you can just relax and connect with your own thoughts. I put a picture of my place of solace. A place close to where I live, where I can go every day to be by myself. On top of a hill are a couple of benches. I take my journal there and I write. I write a lot on here too, but I day dream in my journal. I write down all my dreams. The silly things that would be so wonderful if they could ever come true. The sappy little romantic scenes that creep into my mind... These are the moments that I enjoy by myself, these are the little things that I do for myself...

Take some time out of your busy day and do something just for YOU.

Make a point of making 'ME time' (time for yourself)

It makes a difference, it really does

Try it!