Something To Believe In

We all need something to believe in. It gives us something to have faith in. Someone asked me if I believed in God. I told them that it is hard to believe in something that you cannot see. He told me that you can't see an atom, but yet it does exist. You cannot see the wind, but you can see what it does and you can feel it on your skin. He may have a point, but is there a God? Is there a Heaven? Is there a Hell? Is there a Devil? One thing that we were taught in Church is that God is an Almighty being, so powerful. If he is so powerful, how come he lets bad things happen? I have wondered why he constantly tests our faith. Sure, there is good in everyone, as well as bad. There is good and bad in everything. I try to look for the good in people, but sometimes it is very hard to find. It's been a week since I had been violated. I still think about it and lose sleep over it. I still get mad at myself for not seeing it coming, for thinking that such a thing could never happen to me. I was wondering if God was with me that night, that I escaped harm because God was with me. I wonder if the Devil took over their souls to make them want to violate me. Sometimes I think that my father is watching over me. Sometimes I think my Grandfather is watching over me. Maybe that is what happens to people when they die. Their souls or spirits get to watch the events of the future, not able to do anything except appeal for the assistance for the living. There has to be something after this life. What is the meaning of life? Why are we all here? It's such a strange existance. I constantly wonder what my purpose is. It has to be more than having children and continuing the circle of life. It has to be more than obtaining an education, or getting and doing a job. Why am I here? Why am I writing this junk? Why do I have these thoughts?

Is there a life after death? Are we alive because we have a spirit or a soul? What makes us alive? What gives us life? People have babies, babies grow and have babies of their own, but where does life actually come from? It doesn't just start in the womb because they can give life to people in laboratories. It is just stange. A very strange mystery. What are the circumstances? Why are we self-aware? Are animals self-aware? Do cats think of themselves as individuals? They can respond to their names and react when you pet them. They hurt if you accidently step on their tails. What do they think about? Maybe they aren't as smart because they lack sophistocation, maybe their responses are automatic. They must think of something. They can't be mindless creatures. Maybe some animals are smarter than others. People think that cows are dumb. They are these big animals that eat grass and chew their cud. What do cows think about? What do dogs think about? What are the thoughts of other animals like pigs, goats, sheep, elephants, rabbits, birds... etc. Are their thoughts even remotely like ours? Are their brains chemically like ours? I have always wondered about these things, but to do experiments to find the answers to these questions could be cruel and therefore should not be done.

I don't know why I have these thoughts and wonder about things that I might never get to find out about. It is human nature to be curious. Some people are smarter than others. I guess it is the structure of the brain. Albert Einstein had an interesting brain. The part that allowed him to do mathematical equations was larger than most people's and the right and left hemispheres were able to communicate with each other where as most people tend to use one side more than the other side. The man who did his autopsy kept his brain and disected it, hoping to uncover the mystery. It's been researched and studied. Albert Einstein didn't graduate from high school, with an I.Q of his stature, he didn't have to. They told him that he was crazy because they didn't understand his theories. They told many people that they were crazy because the refused to believe in their discoveries. The more shocking a discovery is, the less believable it is.

How can someone believe in something that they don't understand? Like religion for example: This 'Holy War'... I can't say much about it because I don't understand that culture. I can slightly understand why they are so angry. They want to preserve their culture and their religion the way it has been for thousands of years. They believe that if they do not preserve it, they will be cast to Hell or something like that. Why not let them believe in their believes and live their culture. They are not coming to our countries and telling us to change our cultures and value systems. It is just hard to accept that people are trying to force their beliefs on other people. In our country (Canada) we have the freedom of liberty, or expression, of many things that we take for granted. It is just strange how one country is telling another country to change their systems of believes because we don't agree with them. It doesn't make any sense. They don't have to modernize, they don't have to assimilate. They are their own country with their own culture that has remained the same for thousands of years. This is why they are so angry, this is why they are trying to get our attention. This is why they are fighting us, because we started this fight. They want to be left alone. Why can't we just do that? Why do we want them to be like us? What is the point? The more we force our believes on them, the more they will retaliate. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you stand up for what you believe in? Why should we take that from them? We think that we are freeing them from oppression, we don't realize that we are the oppressors. We have enough to worry about in our own countries and yet we still go overseas and try to fix problems elsewhere. Sure, fight poverty, fight world hunger, fight worthwhile causes. Stop trying to change people who won't change, who don't want to change. They think we are evil, they are scared of us because we look like we are trying to take over their countries. They don't understand. We might think our cultures are better because it is a democracy. They have the right to their own beliefs.

I can't talk about stuff I don't know about because obviously it wouldn't make any sense. I just ramble on and on, just to get these thoughts out of my head. It's like talking to someone, sort of like therapy of some sort. I don't like going to talk to counselors. It is hard to trust let alone talk to someone you don't know. It is hard to talk to people about things that they don't understand. I wish it was easier to talk, to let it all out, to find someone who I can talk to and share my views with. In this world, people seem so self-concerned. I try not to talk about myself, but I can't help but to think from my perspective. I'd like to be able to look at things from other perspectives, but I cannot think like other people. I can't see things exactly as they see them. Like when you see something blue, is it actually blue to everyone? Or is it society that tells us that it is blue? Maybe someone sees the same object, only it is red, but they are told that it is blue so they believe that red is called blue or something like that. Like how some people are colour blind. They see green as blue and red as orange. That sort of thing. Why can't they tell the difference? Or is there really no difference at all? What if colours only exist in our minds or our imaginations? It's really hard to say what is real. What is reality? It cannot be consistant. Not everyone shares the same reality. Reality seems to be composed of different elements and variables, as soon as one or many of these alter due to circumstance (or otherwise) the reality changes. Everything is constantly changing from one thing to the next. Life seems so complex. When I think about philosophy my head hurts sometimes because I don't completely understand it, yet I want to understand how it all works. Maybe if I could understand, if we all could understand, maybe we would all know the reason for our existances.