A Shove in the Right Direction

I realize that everytime I write something. It's about the same thing. About how depressed I am because I haven't found 'the one'. maybe the one I need to find is myself. Finding myself might not be the issue. Maybe I should spend the time to recreate myself. I was told that it was 90% attitude. I forgot to ask what the other 10% was. Yes, I do need to change my attitude. I need to smile. It is hard to pretend to be happy when I'm not. It is hard to pretend to be someone I'm not. I have to stop pretending and just do it, just be that girl I wish I was. It sounds so simple, but it isn't. At leat it doesn't seem that simple. I'm hoping that I will be strong enough to make the changes I have to make. I hope that I can be strong enough to reverse all the negative thoughts that I have and turn them into possitive thoughts.

I am learning. I am discovering that I don't have to put myself in bad situations. That those who want to take pieces of my soul do not deserve them. When people expect something of me, I DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE IT TO THEM. If I gave myself away, I would be empty. I DO NOT HAVE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT. I really have to stop thinking that it won't happen because maybe it will. Maybe it will happen if I stop wanting it so badly. Sometimes prayers are answered when you are going to give up. I can't give up hope. I have to have faith, not only in the fact that it will happen, but I have to have faith in myself.

I keep pills to help me with my mood, I take pills to keep my awake. Sometimes I feel better, other days I just walk around this town feeling like a zombie. I just do what I have to do. It's a very strange world. Things are always happening and not all of them make any sense. I guess it is about the attitude. I cannot expect a guy to fall in love with me when I don't even love myself or the life that I live. I need to fall in love with life again...

I do appreciate some aspects of my life and many aspects I take for granted because I am ignorant. I have to admit that I am ignorant and selfish. Maybe it is like what someone told me when I feared that insanity was creeping into my mind. They told me that if someone thinks that they are crazy, it is a rule that they are not. This is because a truly crazy person believes that they are normal and that everyone else is crazy. They are just so crazy that in their mind, they are not crazy. Something like that. I know that I am selfish. That is one issue I have to work on. Many people are selfish and they take many things for granted. I take for granted that every morning I wake up, I have a brand new day to make it whatever I want it to be. If I wake up believing that it is going to be a bad day, then nothing is going to go the way I want it to because I'm already disatisfied with everything. If I wake up one day and tell myself that I'm going to make it the best day of my life, than maybe it just might be the best day of my life. I just have to reverse all those thoughts that get me down. When I feel so strongly that something won't happen, I have to tell myself that it will.

I was up late last night thinking that I might never get to fall in love and as I expressed these fears, someone told me that it might happen tomorrow for all I know. I might. It might happen when I least expect it.

When I want to do something, I just have to BELIEVE that I WILL do it.

When I want something to happen, I have to BELIEVE that it WILL happen.

I have the rest of my life to wait.
I have the rest of my life to figure things out.
I have the rest of my life to change.

Waiting is not the worst thing in the world.

Nothing happens right away

Everything takes time

Time is a healing thing.

Although I have the rest of my life to figure things out,

I should work on it every day.

I might learn something every day.

One small truth can be a step over a big obstacle.

Although I have the rest of my life to change,
I should work on one thing at a time.
Not everything happens all at once
I know I have said that I have to make changes.
I know I have said that often.
I know I haven't tried hard enough.
I know I have to try harder.

I have to do the best I can with what I have.

The pieces will fit together.

It's like putting together a puzzle in the dark.

One day the light will shine

And I will see

Everything that had always been right in front of me!