Before I Go To Sleep Tonight....

I think I have expressed myself well today. At least I feel better. I have been told that I don't have to settle. I won't. I'm going to set new standards for myself, just not high enough that nobody could ever reach them. I just want more than recreational 'mischief'. I am not that type of girl. I guess anyone could be a sweet talker and get you lost in their 'charm', but it doesn't mean that they are 'the one' you should be with. I learn the hard way. I fall for them like the fool that I am and they always tell me that they never meant to hurt me when they knew all along that I was looking for much more than a casual fling. Most of them know what they are doing, they just don't care. The problem is that I care, too much for my own good...

I have doubts about the future. Most people do. Maybe we all do. I can't expect anything these days because if I expect something, if I wait and hope for so long, I will get disappointed. That is what happened. That is what keeps happening. I am not going to let myself down by giving into these emotions based purely on hope. Why hope for it to happen? Why hope for anything? I have learned a few things today. Humanity is about adaptation, adapting to changes that we have no control over. It is hard to get used to something that was so unexpected, but we can't do anything about it. Life goes on. There is nothing to expect except the unexpected. We shouldn't expect anything because when good things happen they are supposed to be a pleasant surprise. These surprises are gifts. The bad things that happen can also be gifts because you can learn from the bad experiences that we all have. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Strength is a gift. Potential is a gift as well because it is a chance to do something, to evolve, to develop.

Give or Take

You never know what you had until it's gone

You never know the pain, until you feel it

You never know fear, until you are alone

You are never really alone

You are not the only one

Take a chance and cast the stone

For you are not free of sin

Repent for all your soul is worth

What are your chances,

To be Forgiven?

Remember each of all the sweet things I said

I meant it with all my heart

My lips are not dry with my breath

They are wet with my tears

From believing the lies

I've been told for years

They say that I am pretty,

I know that I am not

Everything that I knew back then

I wish that I had forgot

How can you say I am pretty?

I know you don't want me.

I'm lost within crazy place

With nothing to show for my attempts

Mascara streaks my face

I can let my hair down

And not feel ashamed tonight

Nobody is around

And maybe you were right

That you get what you give

And you give what you take

At the end of the day

you sleep in the bed that you make

Maybe all that seems so real

is all that is so fake.

I can see clearly

now that I have opened my eyes

I know your game

It's really no surprise

What is there to expect

Except the things we cannot?

What is there to teach

Except things that we've been taught?

It is really such a funny state

To think that we could be free

Freedom does not exist

Except for in your mind

When you think you are free,

you'll always find yourself coming back

Coming back to where you started from

Because there is no real turning back

Just going around in circles

Confused is all we are

We dance like mindless clowns

Only I wish

the tear drops were merely

Painted on my face

I wish that I could break away

And not have to run this race

There is nothing for anyone to win

Happiness is not a prize

It is just the joy you find

In another's eyes.