Karaoke Blues

I hear the neighbors upstairs singing karaoke. I close my eyes and pretend he is singing to me. When I hear him playing his guitar, I get my guitar out and pretend we are playing a duet. Dumb stuff that I do when I have never even met the guy. He has a girlfriend. I hear him singing love songs to her at night. How nice that would be. That is why I can only pretend. I guess it beats the lonliness to a pulp. I am not alone, but yet I am lonely. How does that work? I guess it is when you want something so bad and you know that no matter how far you extend your reach, it is always beyond your grasp. Maybe that is why I should be dreaming. I always meet someone in my dreams. Strangers that automatically know everything about me, and yet they just accept me for who I am. Wouldn't that be great?

My worst fears are having my secrets come out and of dying alone. I don't think I am the only one who fears being alone. I am surely not the only person who feels the way I feel each and every day. It's like being an empty shell, pretending to be someone on the inside, but not feeling anything at all. Well, that is a lie, or at the very least a contradiction. Nothing but loneliness, how is that for a correction? Otherwise I am just a sigh or a dream away from another day. I just get through it somehow. I know that there are worse things than being alone or not having a soul mate. These things pale in comparison to the nightmare people endure everyday. So what? Why sit here and think: Woe is me! When someone out there has worse concerns? Like saving their own life or lives of others? I am being selfish. I don't want to be selfish. If I have to be miserable not to be selfish, then so be it.