The Realizations Suck

The realization that when someone apologizes to me
IT'S BECAUSE THEY FEEL BAD.
NOT BECAUSE THEY CARE OR ARE ACTUALLY SORRY.
They say "sorry" to relieve their own fkn GUILT.
NOT BECAUSE THEY EVER CARED ABOUT ME
OR HOW I FKN FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING!

THE REALIZATION THAT...
I DON'T GET INVITED BECAUSE THEY WANT TO SEE ME
OR TALK TO ME, OR WANT ME THERE....
IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT SOMETHING FROM ME.

WHATEVER THAT IS.

OTHERWISE, WHY FKN HAVE ME THERE?
DO THEY WANT TO TALK?
DO THEY?
DO THEY SAY ANYTHING MORE THAN JUST "HEY"?
THAT FKN P*SSES ME OFF BTW.

I DESERVE BETTER THAN JUST "HEY."

SO I DISAPPEAR INTO MY ART CORNER.

I've been learning about sculpting. 
I've wanted to get into sculpting for a very long time. 

It'll give me 3D things to paint, not just canvas. 

IF PEOPLE WANTED ME IN THEIR LIFE....
WHY FKN TREAT ME LIKE THAT???!!!!
WHY?

TO SEE HOW MUCH I COULD "TAKE"?
BEFORE I EITHER BROKE OR GOT SO P*SSED OFF
THAT I'D WALK AWAY?

EVEN DUDES WHO TRIED TO FKN BREAK ME
FKN COULDN'T FKN BREAK ME. 

THEY TRIED. TO HAVE "POWER" OVER ME. 
THE "POWER" I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM.

DO THEY DESERVE "POWER"
IF THEY WANT TO TRY TO FKN BREAK ME?
FK NO.

I COULD FKN DO THAT SHIT, BUT WHY WOULD I?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THAT?
WOULD IT BE AN EGO THING?

IT WOULDN'T FEEL GOOD TO ME
TO TRY TO FKN BREAK SOMEONE.

EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT IF I WANTED TO, 
I REALLY FKN COULD.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO.
NOTHING IN IT FOR ME.

DOESN'T FEEL GOOD TO ME.
BECAUSE IT'S NOT RIGHT TO DO THAT SH*T.

ESPECIALLY TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T DESERVE IT!
WHAT DID I DO TO MIRROR SMASHER? 
WHAT DID I DO TO THIS OTHER GUY?

DID I FKN DO ANYTHING TO THEM?
TO DESERVE TO BE TREATED THE WAY THEY DID ME?
NO.

WHY WOULD I?

Yet, this is what I get...