There Are Limits (Part 2)

If you read that example... I gave you the choice not to.
The one from part 1.

As extreme as that was... The same points applied.
It was the first one that came to my mind...

AS AN EXAMPLE OF SOME THINGS TO LOOK AT.

Things about himself that he could have... Looked at.

Pretty much that. If anything.

The clam example, too.
It is AS bad, yes.

Those 2 examples of...
THE STATE OF THE WORLD TODAY.

DOES IT HAVE TO BE.... LIKE THAT? NO.
IT REALLY DOESN'T. 

BUT.... WHEN WILL.... PEOPLE
WHO SHOULD LOOK AT THEMSELVES.....
LOOK.... AT... THEMSELVES?

WHENEVER.... THEY "THINK" THEY "SHOULD"?
ONLY THEN? IF EVER?

EVEN AS FKD UP..... AS THE THINGS THAT I DID....
WERE... TO DO.... 

I ALREADY KNEW.... THERE WERE LIMITS.
AND THAT THERE WERE....
SUPPOSED TO BE... LIMITS.

AND THAT I COULD.... STOP DOING....
WHATEVER TF I WAS DOING.

REGARDLESS OF "WHY" I EVER DID IT.

I've seen some fkd up stuff recently....
STUFF I CAN'T UNSEE.

KNOWING.... THAT I COULDN'T UNSEE IT.
CALL IT.... MORBID CURIOSITY....
OR WHATEVER...

And when I think: This might not be so bad....
It's usually WORSE than I thought it was going to be.

WHY I EVEN BOTHER WITH IT... I DON'T KNOW.

When I was a teenager... There were GORE sites....
It's like that, I guess...

STUFF THAT YOU CAN'T UNSEE.
IT STAINS YOUR BRAIN.

It's not that I get any SATISFACTION out of it...
Or anything like that...

A lot of su*c*des lately.... Actually.

Not sure why some people think of the most grusome ways to go out.

I knew someone... His mother... Was fkd up...
HER MOTHER....
CUT HER OWN HEAD OFF....
WITH A TABLE SAW.

YEAH... THAT'D DO SOMETHING TO MOST PEOPLE.
THAT IS UNDERSTANDABLE.

Some things "affect" people...
FOR THEIR WHOLE LIVES.

That's not how my father went out.
At least he didn't do anything crazy like that.

At first? YES... IT DID AFFECT ME.
FOR MANY YEARS.

PROBABLY OVER A DECADE.

Do kids know what to "do" with that? No.

So??? I DRANK. A LOT.

Anyway, brought it up... Because of a bunch of stuff...
I've seen recently.

AND SOMETIMES.... I THINK ABOUT IT.

MOSTLY... I THINK: WHY?

"WHY DID DUDE JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE?"
"WHY DID CHICK DEC@P*T@TE HERSELF?"
"WHY DID DUDE SHOVE HIS D*CK IN A GIANT CLAM?"
"WHY DID DUDE JUMP FROM HIS BALCONY?"

JUST A LOT OF THAT. WHY.
WILL I EVER KNOW WHY? NO.

"WHY" ISN'T THE POINT.

The point is... WHAT ARE THEY NOT SEEING?

I'm tired... I'll have to sleep and write more tomorrow....

------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I'm awake now... I had to sleep. Sleep is a thing.

Anyway.... Where was I? #4.... I think.

#4...... I DIDN'T SEE HOW I WAS STRUGGLING FOR NOT DOING IT.

This is connected to.... Alcoholism.... And other types of -isms....

When I was busy being an alcoholic.... 
I didn't see HOW ALCOHOL WAS ACTUALLY AFFECTING ME.

I WASN'T LOOKING AT IT.
OR AT MYSELF.

I WAS LOOKING AT ALCOHOL AS A "CRUTCH."
A "CRUTCH" I DIDN'T ACTUALLY "NEED."

But.... The point is.... 
THERE WERE WAYS THAT I WAS STRUGGLING.
I WASN'T JUST STRUGGLING.

Still... There are some ways that I still struggle...
BUT NOT IN WAYS I USED TO.
BEFORE I LOOKED AT THOSE THINGS.

But.... What I'm saying is....
THAT I DIDN'T KNOW....
BECAUSE: I COULDN'T SEE IT...
BECAUSE: I WASN'T LOOKING AT IT.

Does that make sense?
ABOUT STRUGGLING WITH THAT?

IF IT DOES, YOU CAN APPLY IT...
TO MANY OTHER THINGS.

#5............ I WAS TOO BUSY LOOKING AT OTHER THINGS!!!!!

Not just adding this because of being OVERLOOKED, MYSELF.
SURE... I HAVE BEEN.... BUT?

I, PERSONALLY, HAVE.... OVERLOOKED... MANY THINGS.
MOSTLY.... INTENTIONALLY.

When I "prioritized" dating....
I PRIORITIZED IT.... OVER OTHER THINGS.

I made some things "more important"
THAN OTHER THINGS
THAT ACTUALLY ARE MORE IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!

And..... By doing that.....
I couldn't seem to see....
THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY MORE IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!

WHEN I STOPPED DOING THAT.....
GUESS WHAT I SAW?????? ANY GUESSES??????

THE IMPORTANCE!!!!!!!! OF THOSE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!

Does that make sense?

And a question came to mind:

WHY DID I HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT.... TO SEE THAT?
COULDN'T I HAVE JUST SEEN THAT?
WITHOUT DOING THAT?

Like competition, as an example....
I don't like "competing."

I WON'T COMPETE FOR A GUY.
IF HE EXPECTS ME TO.....
HE CAN FK OFF.

AND I WILL LET A HOE THINK SHE "WON."

BECAUSE: I SINCERELY NEVER GAVE A FK.
ABOUT HER "COMPETITION."

YOU WANT TO "WIN"? GO FOR IT. 
YOU'LL "WIN" SOMETHING THAT ISN'T WORTH IT, TO ME.
ENJOY!

And.... THEY ONLY WANT TO "WIN."
THEY NEVER GAF ABOUT THE DUDE!
IT WAS ONLY ABOUT "WINNING"!!!!!!

On top of that.... I've had some dudes "competing" with me.
I NEVER THOUGHT THEY WOULD... BUT....

When a dude talks DOWN to me....
IT'S BECAUSE HE THINKS HE IS "BETTER" THAN ME.

OR????? WHY TALK DOWN TO ME?

BECAUSE I SAID SOMETHING INSIGHTFUL?
THAT HAPPENS TO MAKE SENSE?

"BETTER CUT HER DOWN FOR MAKING SENSE!"

AND WHEN YOU "DON'T LET THEM DO THAT"
WHAT DO THEY DO?

1) THEY TRY TO COME AT YOU EVEN HARDER
2) WHEN COMING AT YOU HARDER DOESN'T WORK....

THEY GET "BIG MAD."

AND "BIG MAD" LOOKS FKN RIDICULOUS.

GO AHEAD AND "PUFF YOUR CHEST OUT" AT ME....
LET'S SEE HOW THAT MAKES YOU "BETTER" THAN ME...

I SEE THIS SH*T ALL THE TIME.

TRY to convince me that PUFFING YOUR CHEST OUT AT ME
MAKES YOU "BETTER" THAN ME.

HINT: I DON'T HAVE TO "CLAIM" TO BE "BETTER"
THAN ANYONE.....

BECAUSE.... IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.... FOR ME.

IT'S ONLY ABOUT THAT.....
FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ABOUT THAT.

If I WAS about THAT...
I'D ACT LIKE THAT TOO!!!!!

BUT I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

TRYING TO COMPETE WITH SOMEONE
WHO ISN'T ABOUT THAT....

IS FUTILE.
AND JUVENILE.

It grosses me out... 

What bugs me.....

1) DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE NOT ABOUT IT... IF YOU ARE ABOUT IT!
2) BEING ABOUT IT IS A CHOICE!
3) I DON'T HAVE TO BE ABOUT IT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE!
4) I CAN CHOOSE NOT TO EVEN WANT TO BE ABOUT THAT BS!
5) IF YOU WANT TO BE ABOUT THAT BS, TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!

Pretty much as simple as that. Okay?
Should be that fkn simple.

Although I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed... 
I'm not the "broken" tool in the shed.

And anyone TRYING TO ACT.... LIKE I AM....
ARE FKD TO BEGIN WITH.

SHOULD I BE TREATING THEM....
LIKE THE "BROKEN" TOOL IN THE SHED?????

JUST FOR ACTING LIKE I AM?????

SHOULD I DO THAT? YES OR NO?
DO I HAVE TO? YES OR NO?

IF I DON'T HAVE TO.... DO THEY?????
YES OR NO?

That's pretty much THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!

And I DGAF who understands that or NOT!!!!!!

MOST PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT THAT AT ALL!

LET ALONE "LONG ENOUGH"
FOR IT TO "MAKE SENSE."

CAN YOU.... MAKE SENSE.... TO THE SENSELESS?
ALL THAT MAKES SENSE TO THEM....
IS SENSELESSNESS!!!!!!!!!!!

They think that "sense" is the 5 senses!!!!!!!!

What about.... SENSE OF SELF?
SENSE OF SELF-CONTROL?

OTHER SENSES.... THEY DON'T THINK ABOUT?

EVEN SENSE OF DIRECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU HAVE NO "SENSE OF DIRECTION"
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO LEAD YOURSELF?????????

Let's talk about sense of direction for a moment.... Just a moment. Okay?

I'm not just talking about "sense of direction" to navigate by....
That is only ONE sense of that sense.

I'm talking about:
HOW DO PEOPLE.... DIRECT.... THEMSELVES?

AUTOPILOT.... MOSTLY.

Asking for everyone who has ever been BETRAYED
BY SOMEONE WHO NEVER GAVE IT A THOUGHT!

BEFORE OR AFTER!

PREFERABLY BEFORE....
SO THEY MIGHT THINK:
THIS BS ISN'T WORTH LOSING A*** OVER....

BUT IF THEY DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.....
CHANCES ARE????
THEY JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!

WITHOUT EVER GIVING A FK ABOUT IT!

I'll give an example....

A cop got fired... FOR PUNCHING
A RESTRAINED FEMALE....
IN THE FACE 5 TIMES.

DID HE THINK ABOUT IT?
"I COULD GET FIRED FOR DOING THIS"?
"I SHOULDN'T BE PUNCHING A RESTRAINED PERSON
IN THE FACE"?

AT ALL.... LET ALONE 5 TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he THOUGHT ABOUT IT.....
BEFORE DOING IT....

MAYBE.... HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!!!!!!!!!

BUT????? HE WANTED TO!!!!!!!!!
DIDN'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!!

WASN'T REQUIRED TO!!!!!!!!!!!
AS PART OF HIS "JOB."

AND.... 12 YEAR DISCARD....
WANTED TO "WIN."

TO HIM.... TELLING HIM....
THAT I PREFER MY SOLITUDE....

AND HE WAS ARROGANT
FOR THINKING I'D CHASE HIM....

AND FOOLISH FOR THINKING
I'D SEE HIM THE WAY I USED TO....

WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN "ARGUMENT" TO "WIN."
HE "WON" BY BLOCKING ME LOL.

NO, I WON. 
BECAUSE IT WASN'T AN ARGUMENT.

IT WAS A FKN STATEMENT.
NOTHING TO "ARGUE" WITH.

AND I DON'T GAF IF HE DOESN'T "AGREE."

I WASN'T EXPECTING:
"A***, YOU'RE RIGHT."

BECAUSE: IT WASN'T ABOUT BEING "RIGHT."

IT WAS ABOUT BEING DONE WITH THAT SH*T.
AND NOT INTERESTED IN THAT SH*T.

THAT'S WHAT IT WAS ABOUT.

THAT'S WHY HE HAD TO MAKE HIMSELF "RIGHT"
ABOUT HIS BS PROJECTIONS...

AND I WAS "WRONG" ABOUT MY STATEMENTS.

*BLOCK* I "WIN"! OKAY!!!!! DO THAT.

SEE IF I GAF. 
GO FOR IT.
I'M COOL WITH YOU NEVER "TALKING TO" ME AGAIN.

I'M NOT GOING TO "MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD."
YOU LOOK HOWEVER TF YOU LOOK.
TO ME AND EVERYONE ELSE.

I'M NOT HERE TO "FIX" YOUR IMAGE.

ESPECIALLY AFTER TRYING TO SH*T ON ME.
MORE THAN ONCE.

WHY SH*T ON SOMEONE...
AND TRY TO COME BACK 12 YEARS LATER?

"I FORGOT I TRIED TO SH*T ON YOU."
WELP, I DIDN'T!

IF I SH*T ON HIM...... AND BOUNCED....
I WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO COME BACK AT ALL.

EVEN IF I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR DOING IT!

BECAUSE.... AFTER I BOUNCE....
THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO LIVE THEIR LIVES
WITHOUT ME IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO P*SS RIGHT OFF!!!!!!!!!
RIGHT????

I THINK SO!!!!

AND IF YOU DENY ACCESS TO YOU....
TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DESERVE IT.....
LOOK AT HOW THEY ACT!!!!!!!!!

DO THEY PROJECT?
DO THEY DEFLECT?
DO THEY TRY TO "WIN"?

OBSERVE HOW THEY ACT.

ALL I DID WAS DENY ACCESS.
WHY?????
WHAT DID HE DO WITH IT WHEN HE HAD IT?

SO I WOULD DO THAT AGAIN?????
BECAUSE HE FORGOT ABOUT SH*TTING ON ME?

AND THOUGHT I'D FORGET, TOO?

WATCH.... HOW.... PEOPLE..... ACT.
WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY "WANT."

I'M "TOXIC" FOR NOT WANTING TO RE-INVEST.
AFTER ALREADY WASTING MY TIME.

And my EFFORT.

ON SOMEONE WHO WASN'T INVESTED
ENOUGH NOT TO SH*T ON ME.

NOT TO THINK IT WAS A "GAME."

So.... Excuse TF out of me....
FOR NOT WANTING TO INVEST IN THAT SH*T AGAIN.

SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO JUST... NOT FKN WANT TO!

LIKE THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED!!!!!!!!
NOT TO WANT TO!!!!!!!!!

AFTER SH*TTING ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIGHT?

Should they be surprised???? Or should I?????