Been Sad

I had to get over being DISCARDED by that dude....
THEN I QUIT DRINKING.
THEN MY GRANDMOTHER DIED....

ALL THAT YEAR.

THAT WAS A LOT.

I swear Mirror Smasher wanted me to RELAPSE.

THEN "ENOUGH TIME HAS PASSED...."
HAS IT?

BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIVING MY LIFE!

"I'M DONE TRYING TO REPLACE YOU, NOW!"
"COULDN'T FIND ANYONE BETTER...."

KEEP LOOKING. THERE'S SOMEONE FOR YOU....
JUST LIKE YOU THOUGHT.....
NOT ME....

BECAUSE I WAS THERE.

WAS. THERE. WAS.

AND WHEN I WAS.....

WHERE DID IT GO? ANYWHERE?

COULD I EVEN TALK?
ABOUT HOW I FELT? NO?

IF I COULDN'T, NO POINT.

AND HE GAVE ME THE WAY OUT.
HE FORFEITED. 

JUST THAT.

BY MAKING THAT CHOICE....
HE FORFEITED.

TRIED TO TREAT ME BAD...
TO TRY TO AFFECT MY SELF-ESTEEM.

YES, AT FIRST, IT DID....

WASN'T SURE WHY HE'D EVEN DO THAT SH*T.

BUT..... THAT..... K*LLED MY ABILITY TO SEE HIM....
THE WAY I USED TO SEE HIM.

JUST WANTED TO TRY TO HURT ME AGAIN.
THAT'S ALL HE WANTED.

ONCE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH?

"A***'S DOING WELL.
LET'S TRY TO BREAK HER."

FK THAT.

"LET'S SET HER BACK A DECADE!"

WOULD I DO THAT?
WOULD I WANT TO?

FK NO.

THERE'S NOTHING TO GET OUT OF THAT SH*T.

NOTHING!

BUT WHY..... DO PEOPLE COME BACK.....
WHEN KARMA KICKS THEIR @SS?

WHY DOES IT TAKE THAT?

WHY DOES IT TAKE ME TO STOP
FKN "AUDITIONING" FOR "APPROVAL"?

MY LIFE IS THE "ARGUMENT"
TO THEIR FKN "ASSUMPTIONS"
ABOUT ME OR WHO THEY THOUGHT I WAS.

I'D RATHER LET PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE ME
THAN PUMP UP THEIR EXPECTATIONS.

I'D RATHER LET THEM THINK WHATEVER TF
THEY WERE GOING TO THINK ABOUT ME.

THAN SHOW THEM ANYTHING ABOUT ME
THAT I COULD KEEP FOR MYSELF.

BECAUSE FK THEM.

NOTHING TO PROVE TO HIM OR ANYONE ELSE.

I COULD HAVE PROVED IT, 
BUT HIM TRYING TO FORCE ME TO....
BY TRYING TO BREADCRUMB ME....

I HAD A LOW PROFILE FOR A REASON.
STILL DO. FOR THE SAME REASON.

NOT BECAUSE I NEED ONE.

I COULD GO HIGHER THAN THIS.

BUT IT'S NOT THAT I CARE ABOUT BEING SEEN
JUST TO BE SEEN.

OTHERWISE.... I WOULDN'T BE....
WRITING ANONYMOUSLY.

Whether they OVERLOOK ME, OR UNDERESTIMATE ME....
THEY CHOSE TO DO THAT.

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK.
OR SEE ANYTHING.

THEY JUST THOUGHT THEY "KNEW" ME.....
DID THEY? FK NO.

THEY CAN KEEP THAT "ENERGY" THOUGH.

BECAUSE NOW THAT I'M DOING THINGS....
I HAVE SH*T TO DO!

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR FAKE "APOLOGIES"
FROM PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT THEY FKN KNEW ME.

WHO TRIED TO BREAK ME BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD.

"I CHANGED MY MIND, A***." 
SO HAVE I!

I LET PEOPLE LOOK DOWN ON ME.... 
IF THEY CAN'T SEE ANYTHING ABOUT ME....
THERE ARE OTHER THINGS THEY CAN'T SEE.

DIDN'T WANT ME TO HAVE MY DIGNITY, EVEN.
I REMEMBER THAT SH*T.

ANYONE WOULD BE P*SSED OFF.

"A***'S A CATCH NOW...."
MAYBE I WAS SOMETHING YOU NEVER FKN SAW!
AND MAYBE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T SEE ME....
THAT I WAS REAL.....
YOU DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I WAS....
THE WHOLE TIME!

BUT I DON'T WANT SOMEONE
WHO ONLY SEES ME 12 YEARS LATER!
FK THAT! I WAS RIGHT THERE!
FK THAT!!!!!!!!!!!! FK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'VE EARNED THE RIGHT TO SAY:
FK THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO..... FK THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT DO I BELONG WITH ANYONE
WHO WOULD OVERLOOK ME?

FK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OR SOMEONE WHO SEES ME THE FIRST TIME?

BECAUSE THEY COULD.

BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO.

BECAUSE THEY JUST DO!

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO "PERFORM" FOR THEM.
FOR THEM TO UNDERSTAND WHO I AM.
FOR THEM TO TREAT ME WELL.
THE WAY I DESERVED TO BE TREATED FROM THE START!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DON'T NEED TO "GLOAT" OR WHATEVER. 
I CAN STILL "RISE."

DAILY.

I DON'T HAVE TO DRILL IT HOME TO ANYONE...
ABOUT WHO I EVER WAS.... 

THEY COULD HAVE SEEN ME, BUT DIDN'T.
THAT WAS THE POINT.

I'M OKAY WITH THAT.

DID IT USE TO BE FKN PAINFUL? YEAH?
UNFAIR? YEAH?

FKN SAD? YEAH?

BUT IF I WAS THE "PROBLEM"
WHY TRY TO COME BACK 12 YEARS AFTER DISCARDING ME?
MAYBE BECAUSE I WASN'T?

"I MADE A MISTAKE."

YES, MANY, BUT.....
WAS I GOING TO FORCE YOU TO SEE ANYTHING?
OR WAS I GOING TO JUST LIVE MY LIFE?

BUILD MY OWN STABILITY?
WHILE MOST PEOPLE TRIED TO TRIGGER TF OUT OF ME?
JUST TO SEE WHAT I'D DO?
IF I GOT P*SSED OFF ENOUGH?

TO "DO SOMETHING."

"SHE'S TOXIC! SHE'LL ACT CRAZY!"

DID I?

OR DID I FKN DEMONSTRATE SOMETHING?