The Mental Cup Of Tea

I think it was at the begining of this year,
I met someone who introduced me to Mooji.
I've seen a bunch of his videos, I'm going to find one and share it on here soon.

What made me think of Mooji was I found a quote from him recently.
"Feelings are like visitors. Let them come and go."
People are also visitors coming into and going from my life.
If they choose to go, that is their choice. I won't stop them.
I used to want to, but it is their free will choice.

Anyway, I started this thing called The Mental Cup of Tea.
So when I get a feeling... Especially one that causes me to dwell...
I greet it, acknowledge it, and pour it a mental cup of tea.
Then I talk to it while it is drinking the tea.
Then I imagine it suddenly having to leave after this cup of tea.

Like the feeling of irritation...
"Hi Irritation, come have a cup of tea with me."
I pour the tea in my mind and I hand it to Irritation.
"How are you doing, Irritation?"
Irritation says "I'm irritated."
"Sorry to hear that. How's your tea?"
"Drinking tea with you is irritating. I have to go."
Then I laugh and say "See you next time."
And I watch Irritation walk out the door.
Then it is gone.

Thoughts are like this too. I think it was he who said that they are like clouds.
That they just pass right on by.
Mooji is very wise. You watch enough Mooji and you become wiser.
Only when you "get" what he's saying, though.
To get it, you have to really let it sink in and really let it hit home.

But yes, I have to pay attention to my thoughts and my feelings.
And not let them sweep me away into the doom and gloom sh*t anymore.
With the thoughts, it's making observations
and making observations based on those observations.
With emotions it is different because they can get consuming.

Thinking... I can get obsessive over thoughts, too.
But I can recognize that a lot easier. I can deal with those a lot better now.
I can remind myself that I don't have to think about that
and I don't have to focus on that.
I can analyze them to learn something about them,
like: "I thought about this when I was feeling like that..."
Or something like that, but I don't have to let them drown my other thoughts.

With feelings it's been so much harder because they are of a different nature.
I never really had control over my emotions.
I was expected not to show them, and I learned to repress them.
I didn't learn to express them. So I still have a hard time with that.
But my difficulties and inabilities to express how I feel
were compounded by or just compounded my inability to express myself, period.
So the only way I knew how was in writing.
Because I kept a journal when I was very young.
Sometimes I wish I had kept the first one I ever had.
Even though it might have been extremely painful to read.
I remember recording instances of abuse in it.
That's probably why it doesn't exist anymore. It just disappeared one day.

I kept a lot of the other ones from years ago.
Thought about publishing them. Maybe I will one day.
Not that I've had an exciting life or anything.
I've also thought about leaving them somewhere for someone to find.
Or burying them somewhere. Lots of options.

So I think a big focus of my development will have to be in that area.