Still Awake

Emotionally... I can't even say. When I'm exhausted,
I don't have the strength or the will to keep it in check.
All kinds of thoughts of uncertainty is going through my mind
and it's just making me feel really weird.
I want to be optimistic, hopeful etc. I guess I am scared.
Scared about how things are going to turn out.
So I am just going to wait and see and just hope for the best.
That's all I can really do. I mean I could keep fearing the worst,
but I don't like how that feels. I want to have an open mind.

I have a hard time sleeping when I have a lot on my mind.
It's like every night I have more and more on my mind.
This may sound paranoid or something,
but I keep getting the feeling that there's something
that's being kept from me on purpose, like something that will shock me.
Like something has already happened that nobody is telling me.
Or something is about to happen that I never saw coming.
Either way it had to happen or has to happen and I'll have to deal with it.

Like what I'm worried about hasn't happened so it might be for nothing,
but there is definitely something going on behind the scenes.
Which doesn't have to be a bad thing. It just feels weird.
Also I'm tired so my mind is just splat at the moment.
Not everything is as it seems. It could be good. Very good.
Things can turn out in the best possible way.

My luck could change for the better.