Intrapersonal Intelligence

"Intrapersonal intellegence is a capacity
to form an accurate, veridical model of oneself
and to be able to use that model to operate effectively in life."

I have to admit that my interpersonal skills aren't the greatest.
My capacity to discern and respond appropriately
to the moods, temperaments, motivations, and desires of others.

I've been thinking that if I understood myself better,
I might be able to understand others better. Even though we are all different.

Intrapersonal and interpersonal skills are both important.
Some people understand others better than they understand themselves
and some people understand themselves better than others.

The reason I think intrapersonal skills are important is highlighted in this:
"The key to self-knowledge is access to one's own feelings
and the ability to discriminate among them
and draw upon them to guide behavior."

I know someone who has pretty poor impulse control
when it comes to controlling his emotional responses.
Due to only having a role model who has poor impulse control.
So he was taught through observing it being demonstrated over and over and over.
The person who taught him through these demonstrations
does not 'like' that the person he taught has poor impulse control
yet does not realize that he is supposed to have been his role model.
And even if he recognizes that to some degree,
he isn't taking any responsibility for teaching bad habits.

I learned bad habits from my own role models.
Not just bad habits, but less than healthy and ideal attitudes and beliefs.
Which I have to take the responsibility for 'un-learning.'
Most people will not make the effort to learn, let alone un-learn.
Maybe because they think they can't learn or don't want to.
There could be many barriers to learning.
Just as there could be many barriers for un-learning.
Maybe we're just too wired for what we have already learned.
That's a potential possibility. Among many.

There was a book someone was telling me about, forgot what it was called.
It was about un-learning and learning how to be our own 'parent.'
We can learn how to nurture and support ourselves
so that we stop looking for it from others.

I feel weird tonight. Because I have these emotions I'm used to,
but I feel like I'm having them because I'm used to them.
Otherwise I'd be feeling completely different.
So it's like a weird "I'm almost detaching from these feelings"
yet I'm still feeling them. So it just feels weird.
But I'd rather feel 'weird' than feel those emotions over and over.
Like "This is how you're used to feeling at night,
so these feelings are going to keep coming up."
Why? Just because I'm used to it? Silly reason.

I have those usual feelings mixed with "can't wait to see" feelings.
It feels weird because I know I can't look back and look forward
at the same time so I keep looking in both directions,
I know I must choose one and I know what one I want to choose.
I want to develop my mind more. I want to gather tools
and develop the ability to use those tools to their full potential.
So that I can make the most of them.

Just weird that when I start making progress on my path,
someone comes along and they want to get involved with me.
Like "Oh you have things you're paying attention to, I want your attention."
Weird how that happens that way. I'm ready for this, not for that.
Maybe because I'm feeling a bit better. I don't know why.
Someone told me that they think it is a test,
but it came up in a reading where the reader was saying
that I can attain what I'm working on if my attention doesn't become divided.
Because if it does, I won't be able to give enough attention
to what I want to attain. Which is basically confirming what I know.
Because it literally takes a couple years to get back to this point.
After each time that goes whatever way it goes.
Those don't tend to last for me. Stability is what I want. It lasts.
Maybe it's because my energy changes when I'm focused on this.
I'd like to be able to have both, but I can't.
Because I get thrown off every single time.
Which makes it harder to want to go down that road again.
Eventually I'll want to, but it is not the time.