Into The Flow

Often times, I don't know what to write when I start writing.
Unless there's something specific I want to write about.
Then I get into the flow as I'm writing.

Today, I'm having some emotional stuff and it probably has to do
with the holidays and some other stuff going on.
So my stomach is doing some weird stuff.
Been involving it in my breathing process and it helps to calm it down.
I learned it from a book I read this year.
Then someone mentioned it in a video I watched
so it was like a confirmation of something that I'd learned.

At the end of the year and the first day of the new year,
I always get an urge to do a deep clean. A really deep clean.
To start the year off with as much clean as posible.
It's a weird tradition, but it is one nonetheless.
I also get the urge to make bean burgers.

I've got to be very careful with spending, though.
I only have so much money for this time of year.
And I need to pay my bills as soon as possible
so that they are already paid and that I don't have to worry.
Christmas is always pretty tough, financially.
Also the next month is always tough, too.
I have to be mindful of my trip. I want to make the most of that.
But I'm traveling on a budget with nothing saved up.
The thought of running out of money far from home scares me.
At least I'm not going across the country this time.
That's even farther from home.

Anyway, been thinking a lot about next year.
About skills I want to develop and things I want to learn to do.
Been thinking about how I want to re-train my brain
and how I want to reprogram myself. Thought a lot about that,
but I wasn't fully focused on it or the things I was doing.
My concentration levels have been pretty low for a long time.
Like I could concentrate on things for a while,
but then I stopped doing those things and I don't know why.

But I know that concentration has a LOT to do with the ability to focus.
Not a lot of people can really focus very well. Some can,
but it takes a lot of practicing to get good at things, even focusing.
That's why I am reading more, to increase my ability to focus and to learn.
I'm going to focus on my writing more, too.
Because I want to get better at it, not just blogging.

The end of the year and the beginning of the year
is when I feel the potential and think of the possibilities.
And even with the possibilities I think about, there's always more.
That I never considered TO consider.
It's a matter of getting into the flow of getting into the flow....

Then it'll all flow smooth and won't be as hard as it is

when the momentum needs momentum to get going.