Today's meditation was interesting. I saw a pool.
It was the pool that was in my Grandmother's old condo.
We used to go swimming together, I brought my son when he was really young.
I got this message:
"Have faith in me that I will keep you afloat.
Have faith in me that I will keep your head above water.
Have faith in me."
A rush of calm came over me and it felt nice.
It's only been my 3rd day doing this, but the more I do it,
the easier it gets and the better it feels.
I'm making some tea and I'm going back to the kitchen today.
I took a couple of weeks off after I had my tooth removed. It was painful.
It hasn't healed all the way, yet, but it doesn't throb anymore.
I tell my gums: "Thank you for healing quickly!"
We can talk to ourselves and to our bodies.
It seems crazy, but it's one of those things that helps develop a relationship.
Communication. Communicating with ourselves.
I'm working on that. It feels uncomfortable at first because I'm not used to it.
It reveals a lot, actually. I did an exercise where I had to talk to myself
and tell myself how I felt when I was hard on myself,
and explain to myself why I was being hard on myself.
As it turned out I was being hard on myself to try to motivate myself
to do better than I was doing, but it made me feel like sh*t.
So it wasn't working and I was just getting frustrated with myself.
Basically, I was trying to motivate myself in the same ways
others tried motivating me when I was a kid,
which didn't work and they got pissed off that it didn't work.
They got pissed off that I didn't seem to want to do better,
because in their mind if I wanted to, I just would.
I did want to do better, but I needed (and still need) encouragement.
I don't need to be hard on myself
and I don't need anyone to be hard on me. Just encouragement. That's it.
So I need to start communicating with myself so that I can encourage myself.
Because I can't rely on anyone to encourage me.
It'd be awkward if I was all like: "Hey, do you mind encouraging me?"
Besides, when I get better at it, I'll be able to give that kind of support to others.
I mean, it's still easier to give that support to others,
but it's a skill like other skills.
There are many skills I 'wish' I had, but it's time to stop wishing
and just keep working on them. Until I get better.
And when I get better, I can't stop there. I have to keep going.
It was the pool that was in my Grandmother's old condo.
We used to go swimming together, I brought my son when he was really young.
I got this message:
"Have faith in me that I will keep you afloat.
Have faith in me that I will keep your head above water.
Have faith in me."
A rush of calm came over me and it felt nice.
It's only been my 3rd day doing this, but the more I do it,
the easier it gets and the better it feels.
I'm making some tea and I'm going back to the kitchen today.
I took a couple of weeks off after I had my tooth removed. It was painful.
It hasn't healed all the way, yet, but it doesn't throb anymore.
I tell my gums: "Thank you for healing quickly!"
We can talk to ourselves and to our bodies.
It seems crazy, but it's one of those things that helps develop a relationship.
Communication. Communicating with ourselves.
I'm working on that. It feels uncomfortable at first because I'm not used to it.
It reveals a lot, actually. I did an exercise where I had to talk to myself
and tell myself how I felt when I was hard on myself,
and explain to myself why I was being hard on myself.
As it turned out I was being hard on myself to try to motivate myself
to do better than I was doing, but it made me feel like sh*t.
So it wasn't working and I was just getting frustrated with myself.
Basically, I was trying to motivate myself in the same ways
others tried motivating me when I was a kid,
which didn't work and they got pissed off that it didn't work.
They got pissed off that I didn't seem to want to do better,
because in their mind if I wanted to, I just would.
I did want to do better, but I needed (and still need) encouragement.
I don't need to be hard on myself
and I don't need anyone to be hard on me. Just encouragement. That's it.
So I need to start communicating with myself so that I can encourage myself.
Because I can't rely on anyone to encourage me.
It'd be awkward if I was all like: "Hey, do you mind encouraging me?"
Besides, when I get better at it, I'll be able to give that kind of support to others.
I mean, it's still easier to give that support to others,
but it's a skill like other skills.
There are many skills I 'wish' I had, but it's time to stop wishing
and just keep working on them. Until I get better.
And when I get better, I can't stop there. I have to keep going.
No comments:
Post a Comment