"Approach the game with no preset agendas
and you'll probably come away surprised at your overall efforts."
-Phil Jackson
I don't have any real agenda other than to gain experience.
And to learn whatever I can learn.
So that I can do whatever I can with whatever I learn.
Other than that, I'm trying to keep my mind open.
Because there's things I haven't considered.
And things I wouldn't have considered when I limited my views
according to my perceptions.
I've been emotional the last few days and I figured out why.
It's part of a pattern I have. Plus, I get emotional at night.
Probably because I'm tired. Been feeling pretty weak lately.
Not eating enough does that. Been seeing some changes to my body, too.
Losing more weight. It's starting to get noticeable again.
I see it in my arms and my neck. It's getting bad again.
I know I need to eat more. I know I have a problem.
I know I could die if I keep doing this to myself.
I'm trying to get out. Trying to get up.
So that I don't have to barely exist. So that I can have confidence.
Real confidence, not fake confidence.
Not pretending that I'm someone with skills.
That's why I want the skills and knowledge. So I can use it.
Anyway, I went to the library after I went to the dentist.
I started reading that book that I saw there. I can read it a bit at a time,
AT the library. I don't have to take it home with me to read it.
Plus, I'm almost done this book. I forgot to bring it with me.
In the first parts of the book, the author describes two crashes he was in
and brain trauma he received as a result of those accidents.
How those accidents woke him up with a jolt.
How those were a catalyst to how he transformed his life
and became a motivational speaker and coach. Very inspiring stuff.
He talked about how there are three types of lives.
The caged life, the comfortable life, and the charged life.
I'll find the video from him (I initially found him on YouTube).
So this caged life... This is the life I've been living.
When people live so long in captivity, and get used to it,
they often forget they are in captivity.
There's a story thing that goes with this, I'll get to it.
This cage I've been living in has been built by all my limitations and restrictions.
Some given to me by others, but a lot given to myself.
It's like getting 'grounded' and then when you're off your grounding,
you forget and still think you're 'grounded.' It's kind of like that.
So I thought about this cage of mine. In a way, it provides a certain level
of safety and certainty because it's familiar. I know what to expect.
But at the same time it is uncomfortable because I can't get to there from here.
I can, but it's not something that will 'just' happen.
I have to leave the cage to get out of the cage.
A caged bird can still sing, though.
But can't fly very far.
This story thing... It's about catching wild pigs.
A guy says to his teacher: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"
The teacher thinks it is a joke so he goes, "No, tell me how to catch wild pigs."
The guy says: "First you put out the free corn. The pigs get used to the corn
and they start coming every day. Then you put up the first fence.
The pigs get used to the first fence and they keep coming to eat the corn.
Then you put up the second fence, they get used to it and keep coming for the corn.
Then you put up the second fence, they get used to it and keep coming for the corn.
Then you put up the third fence, they get used to it and keep coming for the corn.
Then you put up the fourth fence, with the gate, and leave the gate open,
they get used to it and keep coming for the corn. Then you close the gate.
They'll run around inside the pen, then they'll just get used to being trapped
and just keep eating the corn because they are used to it."
Here's the thing... None of the fences had anything to do with the fact
that there was free corn. So they didn't see the fences as a threat.
It didn't occur to them that they would get trapped, either.
Pigs are pretty intelligent animals.
When there was one fence, they could still eat and leave.
When there were two fences, they could still eat and leave.
When there were three fences, they could still eat and leave.
Even when there were four fences, they could still eat and leave
because the gate was still open.
Only when the gate was closed were they trapped.
Because they don't possess the ability to open and close gates.
I got used to my fences, but my boundaries kept closing in on me.
These aren't physical fences, but they still exist.
They are obstacles that I have to face, and climb, to get to the other side.
Like that wall of resistance thing, that I wrote about.
Someone was talking about it as a wall that has a door,
or we can build a doorway into this wall.
Even if the door already exists, we have the key to open it.
Because: (Like Jim Rohn said) "The key to your better future is YOU."
WE are the KEY to open the locked doors, and the cages.
Another thing I read today. Is about belief.
Well a couple of things...
1) We need to believe in our ability to improve.
This changes soooooooo much!
2) There are people who are less qualified than us,
doing what we want to do, only because they believe in themselves, period.
Doesn't mean that they can do it better than we can, just means they are doing it.
Because they believe in themselves.
Yeah, I still struggle to believe in myself. Daily.
A lot of it has to do with my current circumstances.
A lot of it has to do with how I see myself, how I feel about myself,
and, how I think of myself.
BUT, how I see myself and how I have seen myself
depends on how I LOOK at myself.
"When we change the way we look at things,
the things we look at change."
So when we change the way we look at ourselves,
the way we see ourselves changes.
I don't have to become a narcisist or think I'm better than anyone
to just see myself in a better light than I have been seeing myself.
It's not about thinking I'm better than anyone.
It's just about thinking I'm better than I thought I was. That's all.
It's about feeling like I have more worth than I thought I did.
Not because anyone thinks I have more worth,
but because I think that I do. More than I thought I had.
Because there isn't any real reason why I can't feel
like I have more worth, as a person, than I thought I did.
Only the belief of if I do or don't.
All beliefs are... Are thoughts.
That jive with our other thoughts and our other beliefs.
That's all they are. We either believe it because we see it
as verification or some justification. Or it's aligned with what others believe.
For a really long time, I believed I had very little worth as a person.
Because people don't value and appreciate me as much as I'd like them to.
My sense of self worth took a huge dive and spiraled down for years.
Because I didn't seem to matter very much to people who mattered to me.
BUT I didn't realize that it wasn't about whether or not
THEY approved of me, THEY valued me, THEY appreciated me, etc.
What actually matters is whether or not I approve of me, I value me,
I appreciate me, etc. When you go from external to internal,
things change. They change from the inside out. Not the outside in.
Most people are focused on the external.
Then they wonder why nothing is really working out for them.
Something else I learned today...
To shape our experience, we have to shape our interpretation of the experience.
Our mental interpretation shapes our emotional interpretation.
Thoughts and feelings can change depending on our interpretation.
What I came to realize is this...
I've been interpreting things in the same ways,
therefore I kept experiencing things in the same ways....
And wondering why I wasn't getting any satisfaction out of my experiences.
Well, not all experiences were unsatisfying. I've had some really great ones.
But the ones I interpreted in such a way... Ended up being a certain way.
It's all a matter of interpretation.
We can interpret things according to our beliefs etc,
but we can change our whole outlook according to our interpretations.
Like how people get easily offended....
They are interpreting it as something to be or get offended about.
According to their beliefs of what they believe is offensive.
Yeah, I used to get easily offended. A lot.
I thought it was because I was too sensitive.
It was because I was interpreting things in a certain way.
Also I kept seeing others around me getting offended
about things they believe are offensive.
So I learned their beliefs, and added them to my own.
Their beliefs influenced my beliefs.
AND I didn't know that they didn't have to.
I didn't know that they were influencing mine, either.
So how could I have known that they didn't have to?
and you'll probably come away surprised at your overall efforts."
-Phil Jackson
I don't have any real agenda other than to gain experience.
And to learn whatever I can learn.
So that I can do whatever I can with whatever I learn.
Other than that, I'm trying to keep my mind open.
Because there's things I haven't considered.
And things I wouldn't have considered when I limited my views
according to my perceptions.
I've been emotional the last few days and I figured out why.
It's part of a pattern I have. Plus, I get emotional at night.
Probably because I'm tired. Been feeling pretty weak lately.
Not eating enough does that. Been seeing some changes to my body, too.
Losing more weight. It's starting to get noticeable again.
I see it in my arms and my neck. It's getting bad again.
I know I need to eat more. I know I have a problem.
I know I could die if I keep doing this to myself.
I'm trying to get out. Trying to get up.
So that I don't have to barely exist. So that I can have confidence.
Real confidence, not fake confidence.
Not pretending that I'm someone with skills.
That's why I want the skills and knowledge. So I can use it.
Anyway, I went to the library after I went to the dentist.
I started reading that book that I saw there. I can read it a bit at a time,
AT the library. I don't have to take it home with me to read it.
Plus, I'm almost done this book. I forgot to bring it with me.
In the first parts of the book, the author describes two crashes he was in
and brain trauma he received as a result of those accidents.
How those accidents woke him up with a jolt.
How those were a catalyst to how he transformed his life
and became a motivational speaker and coach. Very inspiring stuff.
He talked about how there are three types of lives.
The caged life, the comfortable life, and the charged life.
I'll find the video from him (I initially found him on YouTube).
So this caged life... This is the life I've been living.
When people live so long in captivity, and get used to it,
they often forget they are in captivity.
There's a story thing that goes with this, I'll get to it.
This cage I've been living in has been built by all my limitations and restrictions.
Some given to me by others, but a lot given to myself.
It's like getting 'grounded' and then when you're off your grounding,
you forget and still think you're 'grounded.' It's kind of like that.
So I thought about this cage of mine. In a way, it provides a certain level
of safety and certainty because it's familiar. I know what to expect.
But at the same time it is uncomfortable because I can't get to there from here.
I can, but it's not something that will 'just' happen.
I have to leave the cage to get out of the cage.
A caged bird can still sing, though.
But can't fly very far.
This story thing... It's about catching wild pigs.
A guy says to his teacher: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"
The teacher thinks it is a joke so he goes, "No, tell me how to catch wild pigs."
The guy says: "First you put out the free corn. The pigs get used to the corn
and they start coming every day. Then you put up the first fence.
The pigs get used to the first fence and they keep coming to eat the corn.
Then you put up the second fence, they get used to it and keep coming for the corn.
Then you put up the second fence, they get used to it and keep coming for the corn.
Then you put up the third fence, they get used to it and keep coming for the corn.
Then you put up the fourth fence, with the gate, and leave the gate open,
they get used to it and keep coming for the corn. Then you close the gate.
They'll run around inside the pen, then they'll just get used to being trapped
and just keep eating the corn because they are used to it."
Here's the thing... None of the fences had anything to do with the fact
that there was free corn. So they didn't see the fences as a threat.
It didn't occur to them that they would get trapped, either.
Pigs are pretty intelligent animals.
When there was one fence, they could still eat and leave.
When there were two fences, they could still eat and leave.
When there were three fences, they could still eat and leave.
Even when there were four fences, they could still eat and leave
because the gate was still open.
Only when the gate was closed were they trapped.
Because they don't possess the ability to open and close gates.
I got used to my fences, but my boundaries kept closing in on me.
These aren't physical fences, but they still exist.
They are obstacles that I have to face, and climb, to get to the other side.
Like that wall of resistance thing, that I wrote about.
Someone was talking about it as a wall that has a door,
or we can build a doorway into this wall.
Even if the door already exists, we have the key to open it.
Because: (Like Jim Rohn said) "The key to your better future is YOU."
WE are the KEY to open the locked doors, and the cages.
Another thing I read today. Is about belief.
Well a couple of things...
1) We need to believe in our ability to improve.
This changes soooooooo much!
2) There are people who are less qualified than us,
doing what we want to do, only because they believe in themselves, period.
Doesn't mean that they can do it better than we can, just means they are doing it.
Because they believe in themselves.
Yeah, I still struggle to believe in myself. Daily.
A lot of it has to do with my current circumstances.
A lot of it has to do with how I see myself, how I feel about myself,
and, how I think of myself.
BUT, how I see myself and how I have seen myself
depends on how I LOOK at myself.
"When we change the way we look at things,
the things we look at change."
So when we change the way we look at ourselves,
the way we see ourselves changes.
I don't have to become a narcisist or think I'm better than anyone
to just see myself in a better light than I have been seeing myself.
It's not about thinking I'm better than anyone.
It's just about thinking I'm better than I thought I was. That's all.
It's about feeling like I have more worth than I thought I did.
Not because anyone thinks I have more worth,
but because I think that I do. More than I thought I had.
Because there isn't any real reason why I can't feel
like I have more worth, as a person, than I thought I did.
Only the belief of if I do or don't.
All beliefs are... Are thoughts.
That jive with our other thoughts and our other beliefs.
That's all they are. We either believe it because we see it
as verification or some justification. Or it's aligned with what others believe.
For a really long time, I believed I had very little worth as a person.
Because people don't value and appreciate me as much as I'd like them to.
My sense of self worth took a huge dive and spiraled down for years.
Because I didn't seem to matter very much to people who mattered to me.
BUT I didn't realize that it wasn't about whether or not
THEY approved of me, THEY valued me, THEY appreciated me, etc.
What actually matters is whether or not I approve of me, I value me,
I appreciate me, etc. When you go from external to internal,
things change. They change from the inside out. Not the outside in.
Most people are focused on the external.
Then they wonder why nothing is really working out for them.
Something else I learned today...
To shape our experience, we have to shape our interpretation of the experience.
Our mental interpretation shapes our emotional interpretation.
Thoughts and feelings can change depending on our interpretation.
What I came to realize is this...
I've been interpreting things in the same ways,
therefore I kept experiencing things in the same ways....
And wondering why I wasn't getting any satisfaction out of my experiences.
Well, not all experiences were unsatisfying. I've had some really great ones.
But the ones I interpreted in such a way... Ended up being a certain way.
It's all a matter of interpretation.
We can interpret things according to our beliefs etc,
but we can change our whole outlook according to our interpretations.
Like how people get easily offended....
They are interpreting it as something to be or get offended about.
According to their beliefs of what they believe is offensive.
Yeah, I used to get easily offended. A lot.
I thought it was because I was too sensitive.
It was because I was interpreting things in a certain way.
Also I kept seeing others around me getting offended
about things they believe are offensive.
So I learned their beliefs, and added them to my own.
Their beliefs influenced my beliefs.
AND I didn't know that they didn't have to.
I didn't know that they were influencing mine, either.
So how could I have known that they didn't have to?
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