I got my book in the mail today. One that I ordered not long ago.
It's a $35 book, that I got for less than $10.
It was a free + shipping funnel thing. The author is a youtuber.
Who does speaking engagements and stuff like that.
I'm surprised it came in the mail so quickly. I'm excited to read it.
But, I have a long list of books to read, too.
Also, I'm still working on Diamond Heart, but a few chapters left to go.
It's a weird feeling being in the middle of a transformation. Very weird.
That is why I've been feeling tons of anxiety. Also, caffeine isn't helping with that.
Been thinking today, that things'll probably end up working out.
However they will, but they will. I know I don't have to worry so much.
I worry about things all the time. Anxiety does that and is caused by it.
Things can even turn out better than I thought they could or would.
There's no need to worry about that.
The times I am worried the most is when I don't know what to do.
Or if there's something going on (that I don't know) that could affect me.
Or if there's something that I could have done something about that I can't now.
Or if I did the wrong thing and can't make it right.
I've worried so much about some things
when there was nothing to worry about at all, but I didn't know.
It's the not knowing that worries me the most.
I don't know why uncertainty causes me so much anxiety.
It's some trigger thing that causes me to panic, even if I have no reason to.
Like some irrational fears keep getting triggered.
Even if there is no reason for them to get triggered. It's weird.
Why worry about something when there is nothing I can do about it?
Like worrying about what and how people will think about me
or what they already think about and of me... I can't do anything about that.
So why worry about it so much?
People are going to think whatever they will
regardless of what is actually true or isn't.
I was thinking about something else, too.
How people don't want to take the time to get to know me
because they don't know me.
So why would they give me their time?
It's one of those paradoxes. Sometimes I think life itself is a paradox.
And maybe we're all just living, breathing, paradoxes.
Maybe people are more comfortable around other people
who want what they want and think as they think.
Rich people aren't very comfortable around poor people as an example.
Poor people aren't very comfortable around rich people.
Smart people aren't very comfortable around stupid people,
stupid people aren't very comfortable around smart people.
Social people aren't very comfortable around anti-social people.
Anti-social people aren't very comfortable around social people.
We see it with birds, too.
"Birds of a feather flock together."
When do we see crows hanging out with pigeons?
When do we see peacocks hanging out with seaguls?
Even birds feel more comfortable with other birds that are like them.
The only time birds of different feathers are seen together
is when there is food. No other time.
Cranes don't go "Hey, there's some ducks! Let's go see what they are doing!"
They don't actually know that I'm not like them, they sense it.
Which makes them feel uncomfortable.
Which is fine. I know that I'm unlike most people.
I also know that they happen to be uncomfortable around me.
Even though I wish that wasn't the case, it is.
I wasn't aware of it before. I took it personally. All the time.
Another thing I was thinking about... F*cking up...
I couldn't do any better or be any better than I was doing or being
because I didn't know any better.
As I learn, I can do better and better and become better and better.
And this is why I'm alone. So that I can do, be, and know better.
When I can do, be, and know better, that's when I can have better.
Someone said it nicely today. He said "The things we are most qualified to teach
aren't always going to be the things others actually want to learn."
Not that I'm a guru, or know so much, or have a ton to teach. I'm learning.
But just because I could teach something
doesn't meant that everyone is going to want to learn it.
Like just because I could teach them about myself or themselves
doesn't mean they want to learn about me or about themselves.
The reason I keep writing about the things that I'm learning
is partly because others might be able to learn something.
From what I am learning.
But not everyone has to WANT to learn what I'm learning.
Maybe they already think they know everything. Some do.
If they want to think they know everything and that they are perfect, they can.
Anyway, he was saying that our streams of thought, of thinking,
are just words that go through our minds.
Changing our thoughts is like increasing our mental vocabulary.
We can even think about what we think. Most do not.
They just accept that they think the way they do and don't question it.
Having a limited mindset is like having a limited vocabulary.
And most of the thoughts we have are reoccurring AND automatic.
Habitual mental patterns. That are the basis of habitual emotional patterns.
"The majority of the thoughts people think
are thoughts they have already thought before."
When you think ABOUT your thoughts, you are creating space
to have thoughts you haven't before.
Especially when you don't usually think ABOUT your thoughts.
That's how you can start thinking new thoughts.
When you start thinking about things you haven't thought about before.
Why limit your mental vocabulary? Why not learn new words?
Why not think new thoughts about new things?
We don't have to think the same thoughts or in the same ways.
Or about the same things over and over and over again.
We won't learn anything that way.
We just keep going over and over and over things we already know.
We can talk to our thoughts and tell them to "f*ck off"
"Yes, I've already thought about that a million times.
I'll think about thinking about that."
Or "I don't have to think about that over and over and over."
Our minds can be a broken record, or we can replace the record.
We can even replace the record with a cassette, or a CD, or MP3.
We can even just turn on the radio and choose a station.
Or sit in 'silence.' Or go outside and listen to the wind through the trees.
Or listen to the dogs barking, the birds squawking,
the traffic, the train whistle blowing, etc.
We can choose what music or sounds to listen to or not listen to.
So we can choose what thoughts to listen to or not listen to.
We don't have to actively listen to anything at all.
You don't have to listen to me, or read the words I'm typing.
You don't have to listen to your neighbor's account of their sh*tty life, etc.
You don't have to listen to people
who think they know what they are talking about.
Just because they think they know what they are talking about.
Do they actually know what they are talking about?
Are we actually aware of what we are thinking about?
If we aren't aware of what we are thinking about,
how can we know what we are talking about?
It's a $35 book, that I got for less than $10.
It was a free + shipping funnel thing. The author is a youtuber.
Who does speaking engagements and stuff like that.
I'm surprised it came in the mail so quickly. I'm excited to read it.
But, I have a long list of books to read, too.
Also, I'm still working on Diamond Heart, but a few chapters left to go.
It's a weird feeling being in the middle of a transformation. Very weird.
That is why I've been feeling tons of anxiety. Also, caffeine isn't helping with that.
Been thinking today, that things'll probably end up working out.
However they will, but they will. I know I don't have to worry so much.
I worry about things all the time. Anxiety does that and is caused by it.
Things can even turn out better than I thought they could or would.
There's no need to worry about that.
The times I am worried the most is when I don't know what to do.
Or if there's something going on (that I don't know) that could affect me.
Or if there's something that I could have done something about that I can't now.
Or if I did the wrong thing and can't make it right.
I've worried so much about some things
when there was nothing to worry about at all, but I didn't know.
It's the not knowing that worries me the most.
I don't know why uncertainty causes me so much anxiety.
It's some trigger thing that causes me to panic, even if I have no reason to.
Like some irrational fears keep getting triggered.
Even if there is no reason for them to get triggered. It's weird.
Why worry about something when there is nothing I can do about it?
Like worrying about what and how people will think about me
or what they already think about and of me... I can't do anything about that.
So why worry about it so much?
People are going to think whatever they will
regardless of what is actually true or isn't.
I was thinking about something else, too.
How people don't want to take the time to get to know me
because they don't know me.
So why would they give me their time?
It's one of those paradoxes. Sometimes I think life itself is a paradox.
And maybe we're all just living, breathing, paradoxes.
Maybe people are more comfortable around other people
who want what they want and think as they think.
Rich people aren't very comfortable around poor people as an example.
Poor people aren't very comfortable around rich people.
Smart people aren't very comfortable around stupid people,
stupid people aren't very comfortable around smart people.
Social people aren't very comfortable around anti-social people.
Anti-social people aren't very comfortable around social people.
We see it with birds, too.
"Birds of a feather flock together."
When do we see crows hanging out with pigeons?
When do we see peacocks hanging out with seaguls?
Even birds feel more comfortable with other birds that are like them.
The only time birds of different feathers are seen together
is when there is food. No other time.
Cranes don't go "Hey, there's some ducks! Let's go see what they are doing!"
They don't actually know that I'm not like them, they sense it.
Which makes them feel uncomfortable.
Which is fine. I know that I'm unlike most people.
I also know that they happen to be uncomfortable around me.
Even though I wish that wasn't the case, it is.
I wasn't aware of it before. I took it personally. All the time.
Another thing I was thinking about... F*cking up...
I couldn't do any better or be any better than I was doing or being
because I didn't know any better.
As I learn, I can do better and better and become better and better.
And this is why I'm alone. So that I can do, be, and know better.
When I can do, be, and know better, that's when I can have better.
Someone said it nicely today. He said "The things we are most qualified to teach
aren't always going to be the things others actually want to learn."
Not that I'm a guru, or know so much, or have a ton to teach. I'm learning.
But just because I could teach something
doesn't meant that everyone is going to want to learn it.
Like just because I could teach them about myself or themselves
doesn't mean they want to learn about me or about themselves.
The reason I keep writing about the things that I'm learning
is partly because others might be able to learn something.
From what I am learning.
But not everyone has to WANT to learn what I'm learning.
Maybe they already think they know everything. Some do.
If they want to think they know everything and that they are perfect, they can.
Anyway, he was saying that our streams of thought, of thinking,
are just words that go through our minds.
Changing our thoughts is like increasing our mental vocabulary.
We can even think about what we think. Most do not.
They just accept that they think the way they do and don't question it.
Having a limited mindset is like having a limited vocabulary.
And most of the thoughts we have are reoccurring AND automatic.
Habitual mental patterns. That are the basis of habitual emotional patterns.
"The majority of the thoughts people think
are thoughts they have already thought before."
When you think ABOUT your thoughts, you are creating space
to have thoughts you haven't before.
Especially when you don't usually think ABOUT your thoughts.
That's how you can start thinking new thoughts.
When you start thinking about things you haven't thought about before.
Why limit your mental vocabulary? Why not learn new words?
Why not think new thoughts about new things?
We don't have to think the same thoughts or in the same ways.
Or about the same things over and over and over again.
We won't learn anything that way.
We just keep going over and over and over things we already know.
We can talk to our thoughts and tell them to "f*ck off"
"Yes, I've already thought about that a million times.
I'll think about thinking about that."
Or "I don't have to think about that over and over and over."
Our minds can be a broken record, or we can replace the record.
We can even replace the record with a cassette, or a CD, or MP3.
We can even just turn on the radio and choose a station.
Or sit in 'silence.' Or go outside and listen to the wind through the trees.
Or listen to the dogs barking, the birds squawking,
the traffic, the train whistle blowing, etc.
We can choose what music or sounds to listen to or not listen to.
So we can choose what thoughts to listen to or not listen to.
We don't have to actively listen to anything at all.
You don't have to listen to me, or read the words I'm typing.
You don't have to listen to your neighbor's account of their sh*tty life, etc.
You don't have to listen to people
who think they know what they are talking about.
Just because they think they know what they are talking about.
Do they actually know what they are talking about?
Are we actually aware of what we are thinking about?
If we aren't aware of what we are thinking about,
how can we know what we are talking about?
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