Canvassing (Part 2)

I've been asked to go canvassing tomorrow, don't feel like it.
Maybe I'll be feeling better tomorrow.
When I am alone with my thoughts at night, my mind goes off the rails.
I get into a somber, melancholy mood when I'm tired.
The things I've been learning don't seem to apply when I get this far gone.
It's a default setting thing. At least I know to expect it, I guess.
I guess I'm slightly disappointed in some regard,
but really, I should have seen it coming. So it's like that.
That was the catalyst anyway.
Except I know I don't have to feel this way or any particular way about anything.
Just been a "what goes up, must come down" experience.
Chalk it up to a learning experience.

It is just me indulging in this frame of mind.
Because I can't seem to snap out of it tonight.
Just my resistances seem to be futile late at night.
My defences come down because I'm too tired to keep them up.

Been thinking about some people tonight.
Some people from my past. Been thinking of pulling away from people.
Need to examine my reactions, anyway.

Like why do I react a certain way when I'm treated a certain way?
Why do I preceive certain things certain ways?
Why do I look at myself this particular way?
Why do I still hope that some things will change?
I know that the only hope I have for them to change
is changing how I look at it.

It's probably something to do with identifying with emotions.
"I am sad" versus "I am happy."
What I've observed is that it is hard to keep and regain 'control'
over emotions when exhausted.
Like my body begging me to sleep, yet I cannot.

Anyway, there's some more stuff I'm going to write tomorrow.
This is one of the shortests posts I've made in a while.