I swear, I see the most perfect signs. All over the place.
One was "Are You Looking For A Change?"
It was a sign for a retirement home,
but these signs can apply to all kinds of stuff.
Like the one I see sometimes saying "Open Your Heart."
I saw a bunch of "For Lease" signs.
Been thinking about having a "New lease on life."
Saw some writing on the wall at a bus station. Just one word. "Yes."
Been thinking a lot about patience.
Having patience with myself, with others, and with the process.
Of course it's not going to happen over night. There's a ways to go.
Been trying some new things.
I heard about breathing with my belly and not just my lungs.
When I do that, my belly isn't so tight and isn't doing a bunch of stuff.
It's used to strange sensations I've always gotten so it keeps reacting to those.
But when I use it in my breathing process, it feels better.
My stomach likes to tie itself in knots when I'm anxious.
The time it is in a relaxed state is when I'm about to go to sleep,
or when I am sleeping.
They turned the water off in my building and I didn't know they were.
They tend to do that a lot and it is pretty annoying.
But I have to accept that they do that, and that I can't take a shower.
Unless I go take one at the pool. I don't like having to take showers at the pool.
It doesn't seem like the best start of the day.
I'd like to have a tea and brush my teeth, too.
I'll live without water for a day, but I would have liked to know ahead of time.
Instead of waking up, getting ready to take a shower,
and trying to turn the shower on to find out that I couldn't have one.
I can probably have one when I get back, but I wanted one before I left.
It's harder to wake up without a shower and without a tea.
Just not exactly the best start of the day.
But things can always turn around.
Didn't go to the kitchen last week. Might not get to go today.
Depends on how I can turn things around. Not that they'd miss me.
I don't get to do a whole lot. I just give out cups and tea.
Sometimes help out in the dish pit.
Been listening to an audio book thing about leadership.
Not that I care so much about leading other people. I want to lead myself better.
One thing that stood out from the audio
is that to have an impact, you must have influence.
I've been considering working on a program for myself.
Thought of this over the last 10 years, actually,
but for whatever reason I was unable to stick to it.
I guess every time I try to implement any type of regiment, I rebel.
So I have been having a hard time making lasting changes.
Thus I want to have more influence on myself so that I can impact myself.
If that makes sense.
It just seems to influence myself I must impact myself haha.
I think it is my frame of mind today, too. Also lately.
It's been a lot of ups and downs the last week or so.
Not knowing for sure what direction certain things are going in isn't helping.
Thinking they are going well when they could easily fall apart, etc.
But that is the direction things are learning towards. Working on that.
Figuring out what my strengths actually are so that I can use them to help myself.
Instead of not using them because I don't think I have that strength, or whatever.
The kind of changes I want to make are lifestyle changes.
Also psychological and emotional changes. Perhaps spiritual changes, too.
I'm not really all that concerned with my spirituality right now.
There are some areas that I specifically want to focus on.
We just started a new month and there are new doors opening every day.
Whether or not they are opening for us, whether or not we see them opening.
I keep thinking about Niagara Falls this time of year and I long to go back!
Seems that my head and my heart keep going back,
even though I'm unable to go this year.
Anyway, it feels like I'm two different people with two different roles.
The one who needs the help and the one who has to figure out how to help.
All the while others keep asking me for help.
I can be dependable for them, but have to become dependable for myself.
Every time I think about and talk about taking a step back to work on this,
I end up wanting to move forward, and quickly. I don't know why.
I start feeling like nothing will change and then get frustrated.
Does this happen to you when you're trying to make changes?
I know I must be patient with myself, but it is still a struggle.
It's always when I have to go somewhere that they turn the water off.
And when they do, it's always for the full day.
One was "Are You Looking For A Change?"
It was a sign for a retirement home,
but these signs can apply to all kinds of stuff.
Like the one I see sometimes saying "Open Your Heart."
I saw a bunch of "For Lease" signs.
Been thinking about having a "New lease on life."
Saw some writing on the wall at a bus station. Just one word. "Yes."
Been thinking a lot about patience.
Having patience with myself, with others, and with the process.
Of course it's not going to happen over night. There's a ways to go.
Been trying some new things.
I heard about breathing with my belly and not just my lungs.
When I do that, my belly isn't so tight and isn't doing a bunch of stuff.
It's used to strange sensations I've always gotten so it keeps reacting to those.
But when I use it in my breathing process, it feels better.
My stomach likes to tie itself in knots when I'm anxious.
The time it is in a relaxed state is when I'm about to go to sleep,
or when I am sleeping.
They turned the water off in my building and I didn't know they were.
They tend to do that a lot and it is pretty annoying.
But I have to accept that they do that, and that I can't take a shower.
Unless I go take one at the pool. I don't like having to take showers at the pool.
It doesn't seem like the best start of the day.
I'd like to have a tea and brush my teeth, too.
I'll live without water for a day, but I would have liked to know ahead of time.
Instead of waking up, getting ready to take a shower,
and trying to turn the shower on to find out that I couldn't have one.
I can probably have one when I get back, but I wanted one before I left.
It's harder to wake up without a shower and without a tea.
Just not exactly the best start of the day.
But things can always turn around.
Didn't go to the kitchen last week. Might not get to go today.
Depends on how I can turn things around. Not that they'd miss me.
I don't get to do a whole lot. I just give out cups and tea.
Sometimes help out in the dish pit.
Been listening to an audio book thing about leadership.
Not that I care so much about leading other people. I want to lead myself better.
One thing that stood out from the audio
is that to have an impact, you must have influence.
I've been considering working on a program for myself.
Thought of this over the last 10 years, actually,
but for whatever reason I was unable to stick to it.
I guess every time I try to implement any type of regiment, I rebel.
So I have been having a hard time making lasting changes.
Thus I want to have more influence on myself so that I can impact myself.
If that makes sense.
It just seems to influence myself I must impact myself haha.
I think it is my frame of mind today, too. Also lately.
It's been a lot of ups and downs the last week or so.
Not knowing for sure what direction certain things are going in isn't helping.
Thinking they are going well when they could easily fall apart, etc.
But that is the direction things are learning towards. Working on that.
Figuring out what my strengths actually are so that I can use them to help myself.
Instead of not using them because I don't think I have that strength, or whatever.
The kind of changes I want to make are lifestyle changes.
Also psychological and emotional changes. Perhaps spiritual changes, too.
I'm not really all that concerned with my spirituality right now.
There are some areas that I specifically want to focus on.
We just started a new month and there are new doors opening every day.
Whether or not they are opening for us, whether or not we see them opening.
I keep thinking about Niagara Falls this time of year and I long to go back!
Seems that my head and my heart keep going back,
even though I'm unable to go this year.
Anyway, it feels like I'm two different people with two different roles.
The one who needs the help and the one who has to figure out how to help.
All the while others keep asking me for help.
I can be dependable for them, but have to become dependable for myself.
Every time I think about and talk about taking a step back to work on this,
I end up wanting to move forward, and quickly. I don't know why.
I start feeling like nothing will change and then get frustrated.
Does this happen to you when you're trying to make changes?
I know I must be patient with myself, but it is still a struggle.
It's always when I have to go somewhere that they turn the water off.
And when they do, it's always for the full day.
No comments:
Post a Comment