Not to make excuses for my past behavior or actions, or inactions...
I saw the world, life, others, everything so much differently.
According to who I was, then.
I see things, now, according to who I am becoming.
I can't even express how grateful I am
not to be who I was anymore.
I've been given this chance, by some miracle,
to turn myself around and to turn my life around.
When you give yourself a chance,
it doesn't matter who else gives you one or if they do at all.
Because you have one, one you've given to yourself.
Sometimes a chance is all someone needs to make a change.
A change in themselves, for themselves,
in this world, for the world.
Having a chance means that you have hope.
Giving yourself a chance means giving yourself hope.
The times I felt the most hopeless were the times that I was waiting for
and wanting someone to give me a chance. Most wouldn't.
It was so rare that anyone did and I was so lucky for the chances I had and got.
I'm lucky for the chances that I'll get.
I don't have to wait for anyone to give them to me, anymore. The best part.
The more my eyes open, the more I'm able to see.
What I wish I had seen all along.
It may be too late to tell R** B***** I'm sorry.
To tell him how much he meant to me and how I felt about him. Etc.
But it's not too late to be a much better version of myself.
It's not too late to be so much more than I ever thought I could be.
So much more than anyone ever thought I could be or would be.
Knowing that I have potential is a good feeling. A really good feeling.
Knowing that my whole life can change for the better when I do.
When I'm ready and able to.
There are questions I've been given to help me:
What makes me think this way?
What makes me feel this way?
What are the influences that determine my attitude?
"The reason you don't trust the teaching
is usually the same reason that you don't trust yourself."
Most of us don't believe that we are who and what we need.
"You strengthen your will through your consciousness."
Every time we make a conscious choice, we increase our willpower.
The attempt to understand is as important as actually understanding.
Without the attempt to understand, they would be no understanding.
"The attempt to understand is the attunement
regardless of what you understand." Most won't even TRY.
"The desire for the understanding,
the understanding itself, and the results of the understanding
is where and how the work begins."
"You find it by being it without your even knowing it."
"As your understanding chrystallizes,
you start becoming aware of what is increasing and chrystallizing in you."
"By understanding, you embody the light more and more,
because understanding is the light."
Why is it that we can never find what we are looking for?
Because it's not actually about looking for anything or seeking anything.
It is about looking AT what we have and are experienced/experiencing.
"The object and the activity are two different things.
The subject and the objective are two different things."
We can subject ourselves to the objective, but it is different, still.
Activities (seeking) can lead to the object, but they are not the same.
BUT in the work, the activity IS the objective.
And in this case, it is not seeking unless it is seeking to understand.
There's a story in this chapter that illustrates this understanding.
It's about an old farmer who had lazy, greedy sons.
When he was dying, he told his sons that he burried gold in the field.
The sons went to go try to find the gold and dug up the field.
They didn't find the gold,
but since they had the field dug up, the planted a crop.
They harvested the crop and prospered.
They kept digging up the field looking for the gold
and kept planting crops.
Until they gave up on the gold since they got used to planting crops.
"The teacher must direct the students to an activity
which is known to be constructive and beneficial to them,
but whose true function and aim are hidden from them
by their own rawness." -Idaries Shah, Tales of the Dervishes pg.144.
So it isn't really about the activity.
It's about the benefits, function, and aim of the activity.
It's also about understanding that because we are raw,
we overlook all of that and just keep looking at the activity as just an activity.
And we don't 'feel like' doing the activity for the sake of doing the activity.
Because we think that's the whole point of the activity when it isn't. Never was.
Like going to meetings isn't about going to meetings.
Doing chores isn't about doing the chores or about the chores.
Interacting isn't about the interacting or the interaction.
Taking the time isn't about taking the time or about the time.
All a myriad of things like this. It goes on and on.
So looking isn't about the looking or the finding.
It's about the places you look in and the things you find
when you're not even looking for them.
I saw the world, life, others, everything so much differently.
According to who I was, then.
I see things, now, according to who I am becoming.
I can't even express how grateful I am
not to be who I was anymore.
I've been given this chance, by some miracle,
to turn myself around and to turn my life around.
When you give yourself a chance,
it doesn't matter who else gives you one or if they do at all.
Because you have one, one you've given to yourself.
Sometimes a chance is all someone needs to make a change.
A change in themselves, for themselves,
in this world, for the world.
Having a chance means that you have hope.
Giving yourself a chance means giving yourself hope.
The times I felt the most hopeless were the times that I was waiting for
and wanting someone to give me a chance. Most wouldn't.
It was so rare that anyone did and I was so lucky for the chances I had and got.
I'm lucky for the chances that I'll get.
I don't have to wait for anyone to give them to me, anymore. The best part.
The more my eyes open, the more I'm able to see.
What I wish I had seen all along.
It may be too late to tell R** B***** I'm sorry.
To tell him how much he meant to me and how I felt about him. Etc.
But it's not too late to be a much better version of myself.
It's not too late to be so much more than I ever thought I could be.
So much more than anyone ever thought I could be or would be.
Knowing that I have potential is a good feeling. A really good feeling.
Knowing that my whole life can change for the better when I do.
When I'm ready and able to.
There are questions I've been given to help me:
What makes me think this way?
What makes me feel this way?
What are the influences that determine my attitude?
"The reason you don't trust the teaching
is usually the same reason that you don't trust yourself."
Most of us don't believe that we are who and what we need.
"You strengthen your will through your consciousness."
Every time we make a conscious choice, we increase our willpower.
The attempt to understand is as important as actually understanding.
Without the attempt to understand, they would be no understanding.
"The attempt to understand is the attunement
regardless of what you understand." Most won't even TRY.
"The desire for the understanding,
the understanding itself, and the results of the understanding
is where and how the work begins."
"You find it by being it without your even knowing it."
"As your understanding chrystallizes,
you start becoming aware of what is increasing and chrystallizing in you."
"By understanding, you embody the light more and more,
because understanding is the light."
Why is it that we can never find what we are looking for?
Because it's not actually about looking for anything or seeking anything.
It is about looking AT what we have and are experienced/experiencing.
"The object and the activity are two different things.
The subject and the objective are two different things."
We can subject ourselves to the objective, but it is different, still.
Activities (seeking) can lead to the object, but they are not the same.
BUT in the work, the activity IS the objective.
And in this case, it is not seeking unless it is seeking to understand.
There's a story in this chapter that illustrates this understanding.
It's about an old farmer who had lazy, greedy sons.
When he was dying, he told his sons that he burried gold in the field.
The sons went to go try to find the gold and dug up the field.
They didn't find the gold,
but since they had the field dug up, the planted a crop.
They harvested the crop and prospered.
They kept digging up the field looking for the gold
and kept planting crops.
Until they gave up on the gold since they got used to planting crops.
"The teacher must direct the students to an activity
which is known to be constructive and beneficial to them,
but whose true function and aim are hidden from them
by their own rawness." -Idaries Shah, Tales of the Dervishes pg.144.
So it isn't really about the activity.
It's about the benefits, function, and aim of the activity.
It's also about understanding that because we are raw,
we overlook all of that and just keep looking at the activity as just an activity.
And we don't 'feel like' doing the activity for the sake of doing the activity.
Because we think that's the whole point of the activity when it isn't. Never was.
Like going to meetings isn't about going to meetings.
Doing chores isn't about doing the chores or about the chores.
Interacting isn't about the interacting or the interaction.
Taking the time isn't about taking the time or about the time.
All a myriad of things like this. It goes on and on.
So looking isn't about the looking or the finding.
It's about the places you look in and the things you find
when you're not even looking for them.
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