One thing I have to remember is: Be careful what you wish for.
All those times I thought I knew what I wanted...
Or thought I wanted something that wasn't good for me.
I was happy that I had my old job back. For example.
But did that work out? Was it the right thing for me?
I guess some things happen for reasons.
There was a reason I thought I wanted to be back there.
There was a reason I stuck with it for as long as I did.
There was a reason I quit again.
But now I have this new job. Which isn't what I want to do
for the rest of my life. I don't want to be stuck in this field.
Which is why I want to diversify. I want to and need to learn new skills.
So that I'm not in this field 10 years from now
just because I can't get anything else.
So, knowing it is only up to me to make a choice,
something came to my attention. An internship program thing.
I chose to apply to it. I'm not expecting to get in.
There are probably limited spaces. Lots of applications.
There are probably lots of applicants who know more than I do.
They will have that advantage over me.
But I took the chance and made the choice.
I know the answer will always be no to questions I never ask.
I will miss the opportunities I never take. All of them.
Opportunities will not take me. I must take them.
Or... They will simply pass me by. If I pass them by.
Going back to school would mean a lot to me.
Especially since I never thought I could go back.
I mean, I guess I could, if I could afford it.
I'm tired of merely existing. I have been tired of it for so long.
I need something I can work towards.
Some chances, opportunities. They are out there.
When we can't find them, sometimes they find us.
When that happens, we have to ask ourselves if it is the path
that will lead us to somewhere we want to be.
I know a lot can happen in a year.
Even in a matter of months. Even a few days.
Life can change completely. Even drastically.
All because of the choices we make and don't make.
For whatever reasons. There are even reasons for the reasons.
But we don't see it, even when it's right in our face.
When it couldn't be more obvious... We still don't.
Half of it is denial. Most of the time.
The other half is being oblivious.
But as time goes on, we see more and more.
As events seem to fit together. Cause and effect.
As we see the effects, then we see the causes.
But not before the effects affect us.
Then we ask ourselves why.
Even when things don't make sense,
there is always a reason or reason for everything.
If we don't see it now, we might see it a year from now.
If we are lucky to see it at all. Sometimes we never see it.
Even when things are supposed to make sense,
it's up to us to make sense of it.
But then there are times that things happen that are senseless.
Even if they have reasons for happening.
Sometimes they happen so we can learn to cope better
with the things that are so hard to cope with.
All those times I thought I knew what I wanted...
Or thought I wanted something that wasn't good for me.
I was happy that I had my old job back. For example.
But did that work out? Was it the right thing for me?
I guess some things happen for reasons.
There was a reason I thought I wanted to be back there.
There was a reason I stuck with it for as long as I did.
There was a reason I quit again.
But now I have this new job. Which isn't what I want to do
for the rest of my life. I don't want to be stuck in this field.
Which is why I want to diversify. I want to and need to learn new skills.
So that I'm not in this field 10 years from now
just because I can't get anything else.
So, knowing it is only up to me to make a choice,
something came to my attention. An internship program thing.
I chose to apply to it. I'm not expecting to get in.
There are probably limited spaces. Lots of applications.
There are probably lots of applicants who know more than I do.
They will have that advantage over me.
But I took the chance and made the choice.
I know the answer will always be no to questions I never ask.
I will miss the opportunities I never take. All of them.
Opportunities will not take me. I must take them.
Or... They will simply pass me by. If I pass them by.
Going back to school would mean a lot to me.
Especially since I never thought I could go back.
I mean, I guess I could, if I could afford it.
I'm tired of merely existing. I have been tired of it for so long.
I need something I can work towards.
Some chances, opportunities. They are out there.
When we can't find them, sometimes they find us.
When that happens, we have to ask ourselves if it is the path
that will lead us to somewhere we want to be.
I know a lot can happen in a year.
Even in a matter of months. Even a few days.
Life can change completely. Even drastically.
All because of the choices we make and don't make.
For whatever reasons. There are even reasons for the reasons.
But we don't see it, even when it's right in our face.
When it couldn't be more obvious... We still don't.
Half of it is denial. Most of the time.
The other half is being oblivious.
But as time goes on, we see more and more.
As events seem to fit together. Cause and effect.
As we see the effects, then we see the causes.
But not before the effects affect us.
Then we ask ourselves why.
Even when things don't make sense,
there is always a reason or reason for everything.
If we don't see it now, we might see it a year from now.
If we are lucky to see it at all. Sometimes we never see it.
Even when things are supposed to make sense,
it's up to us to make sense of it.
But then there are times that things happen that are senseless.
Even if they have reasons for happening.
Sometimes they happen so we can learn to cope better
with the things that are so hard to cope with.
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