Today marks the 5 years that I've been without a good friend of mine.
I met him at work, years ago. Was surprised he was living just one floor
above mine, and across the hall. With his girlfriend, at the time.
She's really struggling, can't cope.
Every time we talk, we talk about him. She can't let go. She refuses to.
I guess, in a way, I do, too. But I have my reasons.
Things I can't talk about. That I'll never talk about.
Secrets I'll likely take to my grave.
Anyway, I play this song, when I think of him.
Whenever I hear it, I think of him.
I had an experience once...
I had loaned him a text book of mine. It was the only one from the set
that I was missing. When he passed away I thought I'd never get it back.
At that time I kept playing a song from "Heart." Over and over again.
I was at a thrift store and I found the book there. It was just...
Hard to put it into words. I guess 'unlikely' that I'd find 'the book'.
But when I went to buy it, I only had enough money to buy it.
Just enough. Then the song I'd been obsessing about started playing
as I was paying for it. It was like he was saying "Here's your book back."
It was like he was with me all those times I played the same song
and knew what song would get my attention.
Knew what book I was missing.
It was just all too perfect.
Sometimes I feel him around me. He knows I miss him,
but can't do anything about it,
except get my attention in little ways.
When certain songs come on the radio at certain times.
I miss the times he'd call me up and ask me what he should do.
Saying he didn't know what to do.
He'd surprise me sometimes just because he thought it was funny.
To play little tricks on me.
Like tell me he couldn't pay me back until a month later,
then show up at my door the same day with the money.
Just to see what I would say.
And we'll always have the pool hall.
The last time I ever saw him we went to the pool hall.
He wanted an 'audience.' Too funny.
If I knew that was the last time I was ever going to see him...
I'd have told him how much he meant to me.
But we never know. It's never certain how much time we have left.
It was an accident and he was only 31. He'd be 36 this Friday.
Friday 13th.
There's been a hole in my heart. For a long, long time.
So I know what his ex is kind of going through.
Except she was closer to him in many ways.
They lived together. Were together.
He wasn't just a co-worker to me. He was my best friend.
I want him to 'rest in peace.' But it's hard without him.
He was always good for some laughs.
Makes me recognize that life is too short for petty stupidity.
I was mad at him for something so stupid before he died.
Which means absolutely nothing now.
If I could have just gotten over it and spent that time with him we lost.
If I could have just said "Who cares?!" and shook it off.
It was nothing big.
I guess I thought I'd have more time to get over it.
More time with him, eventually.
Nobody knows how long they have or how long anyone else has.
We just have as much time as we have.
So we should be making the most of it.
Making it count.
Spending it with the people who matter most to us.
Before we end up regretting being mad over stupid things.
Regretting the choices we made.
And the choices we didn't make.
I met him at work, years ago. Was surprised he was living just one floor
above mine, and across the hall. With his girlfriend, at the time.
She's really struggling, can't cope.
Every time we talk, we talk about him. She can't let go. She refuses to.
I guess, in a way, I do, too. But I have my reasons.
Things I can't talk about. That I'll never talk about.
Secrets I'll likely take to my grave.
Anyway, I play this song, when I think of him.
Whenever I hear it, I think of him.
I had an experience once...
I had loaned him a text book of mine. It was the only one from the set
that I was missing. When he passed away I thought I'd never get it back.
At that time I kept playing a song from "Heart." Over and over again.
I was at a thrift store and I found the book there. It was just...
Hard to put it into words. I guess 'unlikely' that I'd find 'the book'.
But when I went to buy it, I only had enough money to buy it.
Just enough. Then the song I'd been obsessing about started playing
as I was paying for it. It was like he was saying "Here's your book back."
It was like he was with me all those times I played the same song
and knew what song would get my attention.
Knew what book I was missing.
It was just all too perfect.
Sometimes I feel him around me. He knows I miss him,
but can't do anything about it,
except get my attention in little ways.
When certain songs come on the radio at certain times.
I miss the times he'd call me up and ask me what he should do.
Saying he didn't know what to do.
He'd surprise me sometimes just because he thought it was funny.
To play little tricks on me.
Like tell me he couldn't pay me back until a month later,
then show up at my door the same day with the money.
Just to see what I would say.
And we'll always have the pool hall.
The last time I ever saw him we went to the pool hall.
He wanted an 'audience.' Too funny.
If I knew that was the last time I was ever going to see him...
I'd have told him how much he meant to me.
But we never know. It's never certain how much time we have left.
It was an accident and he was only 31. He'd be 36 this Friday.
Friday 13th.
There's been a hole in my heart. For a long, long time.
So I know what his ex is kind of going through.
Except she was closer to him in many ways.
They lived together. Were together.
He wasn't just a co-worker to me. He was my best friend.
I want him to 'rest in peace.' But it's hard without him.
He was always good for some laughs.
Makes me recognize that life is too short for petty stupidity.
I was mad at him for something so stupid before he died.
Which means absolutely nothing now.
If I could have just gotten over it and spent that time with him we lost.
If I could have just said "Who cares?!" and shook it off.
It was nothing big.
I guess I thought I'd have more time to get over it.
More time with him, eventually.
Nobody knows how long they have or how long anyone else has.
We just have as much time as we have.
So we should be making the most of it.
Making it count.
Spending it with the people who matter most to us.
Before we end up regretting being mad over stupid things.
Regretting the choices we made.
And the choices we didn't make.
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