Last year, I was more on the ball with the things I need to fix for myself.
I had said that I was done with dating. Because, at that time I was.
I was accepting the fact that I was single. And it wasn't a bad thing.
I had the time and energy to put into my projects. Which I was doing.
So when I was doing that more (than I have been these days...)
I started with those 8 Basic Needs. Because those are all areas I want work on.
Having systems in place, that actually work... That I can use whenever I want...
That was and still is the ultimate goal.
I'm still at the very beginning of that project because I put it off for a while.
I lost my momentum when I lost my ability to focus.
Concentration is a major thing for me.
There are times I'm able to concentrate very well. Even a little too well.
But a lot of my concentration power is wasted
when I am focusing on the wrong things.
Anyway, concentration is an ability that
like every other ability has to be mastered.
There was something I read somewhere about the time it takes.
Well, they say it takes 100,000 hours of doing something to become an 'expert'
That wasn't what I was thinking of, though.
It was about the time it takes to make the ability into a skill.
Or something like that. But it was worded a certain way and I can't remember!
Anyway, as I was saying about inner strength...
Comprised of 5 things.
1) Peace of Mind (Can't really do much, if anything without just this one.)
2) Concentration
3) Self-discipline
4) Perseverance
5) Willpower
All of these are especially important on their own.
Sometimes regaining peace of mind
is as easy as concentrating on something else.
I've been concentrating too much on other people all my life.
I've been in that trap where I feel more alone than I should feel.
Too easy to be streamlined on social media.
People get facebook as a means to reach out to people,
but they don't. If they do, they make it the PRIMARY means of contact.
Why is it easier to sit at a computer to talk to people,
but they can't be bothered to call that person or see them in person?
It just bothers me a bit too much.
Gone are the old days when people used to hang out together.
There used to be a coffee shop on Bank street where I used to hang out
I met someone while squeegeeing back in the day. He hung out there,
then brought me along to meet his friends. It was nice while it lasted.
I guess the place turned into too much of a hang out and had to close.
"Central Grove." <3 p="">
I miss that so much. Is there a certain age where people stop hanging out?
Some unwritten rule nobody told me about?
Like "People should only hang out when not on facebook,
otherwise only hang out on facebook."?
Anyone hanging in my old haunts are most likely in the lifestyle
I used to live. So going back to any, for myself, would be pointless.
Most of them are closed up or just gone. Lots has changed.
I think that the reason why those things disappeared was because
I wasn't meant to have them back.
I'd say maybe I wasn't supposed to have them at all...
But I wouldn't have had my life if I wasn't meant to have lived it this way.
Even everything I've done up until now and everything I have yet to do.
Because I wouldn't be 'me' if anything in my life would have been different.
I wouldn't have had the unique challenges I have had if it wasn't meant to.
I wouldn't have overcome some of these challenges if I wasn't meant to.
Nothing in my life would have happened to me, if it wasn't meant to.
All my bad decisions, I've had a price to pay for every single one.
All my good decisions have paid off.
Decisions are decisions. Good or bad. Each very important.
Blessings or lessons.
My biggest lesson these days is how to let go.
For some, it is so easy. Couldn't be easier.
But there are some who just can't. Or believe they can't.
Or feel that they just can't.
Like someone who saves everything or tries to save everything.
Because they see the value in everything,
even in the things that actually only have the value the person gives it.
Like hoarders. Collectors.
One of my biggest secrets if that I 'keep' things. I save things.
I like documentation of events.
I save emails I'll probably never get to read, but if I delete them,
the possibility of me ever having the chance to read it,
if I ever get to 'the right time to read it' will be gone.
It might be that I like having the chance to use it, if I choose to,
if I remember I have that and where it is when I would like to use it.
But since my organizational skills and my ability to remember things
are as haphazard as the rest of my life, I tend to lose things.
Sometimes I lose really important things.
... But they have to be around here somewhere.
...Because I keep everything. *Sigh*
This is why deleting my facebook account is a bigger deal to me
than it should be. Because normally I would keep it.
For the chance I have to potentially 'contact' people
who barely acknowledge my existence.
And there would be a chance that they might contact me,
but that rarely happens unless someone wants something from me.
Usually, and unfortunately.
I would normally keep it and my contacts 'open'
just for the chance that never comes.
Keep it because it's a record of my whole time on the site
Since I started using it. But I don't need it.
Recognizing that I don't actually need 'things' is a big thing for me.
Not that I've been materialistic. I don't have quality things, just things.
I don't actually like shopping. But I've accumulated things.
I've come to the conclusion that to sort of make up for not having much of value,
that I kind of overcompensated by keeping everything. For years and years.
Not as bad on those hoarder shows. I've gotten a lot better over time.
And I will get a lot better as time goes on.
I was going through my books recently and I couldn't part with most of them.
There are some I might never actually get to reading, but I 'might' 'someday.'
And I want to keep the chance should the chance ever arise.
Which sounds ridiculous, but this is how it is with everything I own.
I'm actually 'attached to' some of my things. A lot of people are. Most.
Just I guess I see these attachments a bit stronger or in a different way.
"That came from so and so, they wanted me to have it."
There are so many other ways to say that. Over and over again.
Someone told me the reason I put so much value into things
is because I feel like I lack value in myself, in my life.
Someone told me the reason I collect things is because I'm lonely.
Anyway, I was able to decide what books had to go. Some of them.
I picked out 12 books and put them upstairs in the laundry room.
Someone took them. I'm happy.
There's a site called Freecycle.org
It's a site where people can make offers and take offers.
Of pretty much anything they want to give away.
To keep it out of the landfills. It's a good program. Worldwide.
There's always someone giving away something on there.
Plus, you can get offers sent to your inbox so you know about it immediately.
I've seen many things on there I would have attempted to get
if I had a truck to get it here. It's probably good I don't.
I made a habit of asking myself if I actually need something,
but I'll actually keep it, anyway. Without any real reason why.
I want to stop keeping things I don't need. I hope that in the next few months
I can start getting rid of a lot of things
I haven't used in a long time, forgot I had, etc.
I don't actually need most of it.
I don't really know why I am the way I am.
I don't like being the way I am.
I just am the way I am.
When we stop putting value on the things that don't matter,
the things that do matter will start to be more valuable.
I had said that I was done with dating. Because, at that time I was.
I was accepting the fact that I was single. And it wasn't a bad thing.
I had the time and energy to put into my projects. Which I was doing.
So when I was doing that more (than I have been these days...)
I started with those 8 Basic Needs. Because those are all areas I want work on.
Having systems in place, that actually work... That I can use whenever I want...
That was and still is the ultimate goal.
I'm still at the very beginning of that project because I put it off for a while.
I lost my momentum when I lost my ability to focus.
Concentration is a major thing for me.
There are times I'm able to concentrate very well. Even a little too well.
But a lot of my concentration power is wasted
when I am focusing on the wrong things.
Anyway, concentration is an ability that
like every other ability has to be mastered.
There was something I read somewhere about the time it takes.
Well, they say it takes 100,000 hours of doing something to become an 'expert'
That wasn't what I was thinking of, though.
It was about the time it takes to make the ability into a skill.
Or something like that. But it was worded a certain way and I can't remember!
Anyway, as I was saying about inner strength...
Comprised of 5 things.
1) Peace of Mind (Can't really do much, if anything without just this one.)
2) Concentration
3) Self-discipline
4) Perseverance
5) Willpower
All of these are especially important on their own.
Sometimes regaining peace of mind
is as easy as concentrating on something else.
I've been concentrating too much on other people all my life.
I've been in that trap where I feel more alone than I should feel.
Too easy to be streamlined on social media.
People get facebook as a means to reach out to people,
but they don't. If they do, they make it the PRIMARY means of contact.
Why is it easier to sit at a computer to talk to people,
but they can't be bothered to call that person or see them in person?
It just bothers me a bit too much.
Gone are the old days when people used to hang out together.
There used to be a coffee shop on Bank street where I used to hang out
I met someone while squeegeeing back in the day. He hung out there,
then brought me along to meet his friends. It was nice while it lasted.
I guess the place turned into too much of a hang out and had to close.
"Central Grove." <3 p="">
I miss that so much. Is there a certain age where people stop hanging out?
Some unwritten rule nobody told me about?
Like "People should only hang out when not on facebook,
otherwise only hang out on facebook."?
Anyone hanging in my old haunts are most likely in the lifestyle
I used to live. So going back to any, for myself, would be pointless.
Most of them are closed up or just gone. Lots has changed.
I think that the reason why those things disappeared was because
I wasn't meant to have them back.
I'd say maybe I wasn't supposed to have them at all...
But I wouldn't have had my life if I wasn't meant to have lived it this way.
Even everything I've done up until now and everything I have yet to do.
Because I wouldn't be 'me' if anything in my life would have been different.
I wouldn't have had the unique challenges I have had if it wasn't meant to.
I wouldn't have overcome some of these challenges if I wasn't meant to.
Nothing in my life would have happened to me, if it wasn't meant to.
All my bad decisions, I've had a price to pay for every single one.
All my good decisions have paid off.
Decisions are decisions. Good or bad. Each very important.
Blessings or lessons.
My biggest lesson these days is how to let go.
For some, it is so easy. Couldn't be easier.
But there are some who just can't. Or believe they can't.
Or feel that they just can't.
Like someone who saves everything or tries to save everything.
Because they see the value in everything,
even in the things that actually only have the value the person gives it.
Like hoarders. Collectors.
One of my biggest secrets if that I 'keep' things. I save things.
I like documentation of events.
I save emails I'll probably never get to read, but if I delete them,
the possibility of me ever having the chance to read it,
if I ever get to 'the right time to read it' will be gone.
It might be that I like having the chance to use it, if I choose to,
if I remember I have that and where it is when I would like to use it.
But since my organizational skills and my ability to remember things
are as haphazard as the rest of my life, I tend to lose things.
Sometimes I lose really important things.
... But they have to be around here somewhere.
...Because I keep everything. *Sigh*
This is why deleting my facebook account is a bigger deal to me
than it should be. Because normally I would keep it.
For the chance I have to potentially 'contact' people
who barely acknowledge my existence.
And there would be a chance that they might contact me,
but that rarely happens unless someone wants something from me.
Usually, and unfortunately.
I would normally keep it and my contacts 'open'
just for the chance that never comes.
Keep it because it's a record of my whole time on the site
Since I started using it. But I don't need it.
Recognizing that I don't actually need 'things' is a big thing for me.
Not that I've been materialistic. I don't have quality things, just things.
I don't actually like shopping. But I've accumulated things.
I've come to the conclusion that to sort of make up for not having much of value,
that I kind of overcompensated by keeping everything. For years and years.
Not as bad on those hoarder shows. I've gotten a lot better over time.
And I will get a lot better as time goes on.
I was going through my books recently and I couldn't part with most of them.
There are some I might never actually get to reading, but I 'might' 'someday.'
And I want to keep the chance should the chance ever arise.
Which sounds ridiculous, but this is how it is with everything I own.
I'm actually 'attached to' some of my things. A lot of people are. Most.
Just I guess I see these attachments a bit stronger or in a different way.
"That came from so and so, they wanted me to have it."
There are so many other ways to say that. Over and over again.
Someone told me the reason I put so much value into things
is because I feel like I lack value in myself, in my life.
Someone told me the reason I collect things is because I'm lonely.
Anyway, I was able to decide what books had to go. Some of them.
I picked out 12 books and put them upstairs in the laundry room.
Someone took them. I'm happy.
There's a site called Freecycle.org
It's a site where people can make offers and take offers.
Of pretty much anything they want to give away.
To keep it out of the landfills. It's a good program. Worldwide.
There's always someone giving away something on there.
Plus, you can get offers sent to your inbox so you know about it immediately.
I've seen many things on there I would have attempted to get
if I had a truck to get it here. It's probably good I don't.
I made a habit of asking myself if I actually need something,
but I'll actually keep it, anyway. Without any real reason why.
I want to stop keeping things I don't need. I hope that in the next few months
I can start getting rid of a lot of things
I haven't used in a long time, forgot I had, etc.
I don't actually need most of it.
I don't really know why I am the way I am.
I don't like being the way I am.
I just am the way I am.
When we stop putting value on the things that don't matter,
the things that do matter will start to be more valuable.
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