Face Your Fears

I've had some talks with friends about fear.
F.E.A.R

False Evidence Appearing Real
Or...

Forget Everything And Run
Or...
Face Everything And Rise

However you look at it... Fear can be paralysing.

It's hard to face it. But...

"If you do not face your fears, your fears will face you."

"There is nothing to fear, but fear itself."

I have my own fears.
Change, failure, loss...

And lack. Always being in a situation where there doesn't seem to be enough.
Scarcity mentality. Always thinking that there isn't ever going to be enough.

How much of it is real? How much of it is in our heads?
How much of it are imagined illusions?

We're constantly disillusioned. Disappointed in something
that we thought was a good thing.
When it turned out not to be what we thought it was. Why?
Because our thinking it was something it wasn't was an illusion.

Are our fears illusions? Are they things we think they are but are not?
Are we afraid of bad things happening when they aren't likely to happen?
Do they happen only because we were afraid they were going to happen?

Part of me doesn't want to face my fears.
Because they are scary.
Because facing them means I have to figure out why I am afraid.
Why am I afraid of certain things happening.
Why am I afraid of losing? Of failing?

Maybe losing certain things is gaining other things?
Maybe failings are opportunities to succeed the next time?
It depends on how we look at life.
At every aspect of our lives.

I was reading something tonight that goes:

"Your fear is your freedom in disguise."
"Your need for freedom is greater than your biggest fear."

"If you're afraid of something, a part of you
Is going to face that fear because
Our need for freedom is greater than our need to feel safe."

Fear resolves itself and sets you free from what you are afraid of
When, or if you face it.

Also... It brought up comfort zones.
Something I keep thinking about. Especially lately.

To expand your comfort zone, you have to leave it.
That's all there is to it.
You have to be willing to and actually leave your comfort zone.
And become comfortable with what was previously uncomfortable.

One thing that is uncomfortable for me is putting myself out there.
I have always been more comfortable behind the scenes.
I don't like a lot of attention. It's uncomfortable.

Yet, I want to help people.

But how could I possibly do the things I dream about doing,
If I never put myself out there?
The answer is that I won't be able to if I don't.

There's got to be some compromise.
For every uncomfortable situation,
tell yourself you'll have some comfort later as a reward.

Each time I go out and I have to deal with the anxiety...
I tell myself that eventually I can go home and be alone.
Being alone is comfortable for me because I'm the only one judging me.
It's uncomfortable when people sneer at me
and say things about me under their breath
When they think I can't hear them.
That's how ignorant people can be.
Oblivious to the fact that I notice them doing these things.
When I told my mother once about some ladies sneering at me
For wearing pants to a baby shower
She said that I was imagining things.
No, I know I wasn't.
I know what I saw.
I know what I heard.
I know I felt out of place to begin with.
It was uncomfortable.
I don't relate well with other females.
I don't know how to talk to them.
Even if I wanted to.
They don't try with me
So I don't try with them.

People look at me like I'm 'cold.'
It's not that I'm cold. I'm reserved.
There's a difference.
Just because I'm not as demonstrative
As people think I should be or want me to be
Doesn't mean that I don't care.

I'm very selective of who I let into my life now.
Of who I get close to.
I don't want people thinking I have ulterior motives.
Sometimes I'm not warm and friendly with people
Because I don't want them to think I'm being fake.
Or I don't want them to think that I'm only being open
Because I want something from them. I don't.
If I wanted things from people, I wouldn't spend so much time alone.

Am I afraid of getting close to people? Yeah.
Because the closer I get, the more they could hurt me if they wanted to.
There are very few people in my life I allowed myself to get close to
Who haven't hurt me. VERY few.

There's someone very special in my life who I have gotten pretty close to.
I met him in a chat room around 5 months ago.

I remember him saying something in the room that went like this:

"You can't let what others have done to you stop you
from giving someone else a chance."
It stuck with me. He and I connected pretty much straight away.
At first I was guarded with him as I am with most people.
Then he said, "I don't do small talk."
And that kind of ticked me off.
Here he was saying to give people a chance and it seemed
he wasn't really giving me one.
But afterwards we got over that.
We got over other things.

Nobody is perfect.

And we have a choice:
Accept others as they are, or not.