So... If you're wondering about that "Falling For You" post with the pictures... I saw that as I was crossing a bridge. The bridge spans the train tracks. I noticed it was writing so I wanted to read what it said. It read like a suicide note. There are lots of suicides in Niagara Falls. There was a video I watched recently on youtube where they were filming the falls and some naked chick was drifting in the water and started doing the back stroke over the falls.
The down town section and lots of sections of town are like dead and dying, then there's the tourist area closer to the falls and the casinos. They don't want the tourists to see the decaying parts of the town, only the parts that they want you to spend money in. The more time you spend there, the more money you will spend there. So yeah, I guess it gets depressing for the people who actually live there.
When I was walking to my Great-Aunts' house, people were looking at me all the way there. I'm like: "Is it THAT small of a town that people stare at strangers?!" Maybe it is. Seems small enough where it's the same crowd at the diners every day.
Like that song from Cheers...
"...Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came."
So, I felt compelled to snap those shots of the note I read on the bridge. And that is what that was about. I don't know if it was an actual suicide note, but it read like one.
But yeah, it wasn't something I wrote and I wasn't even really feeling that way.
And yes, I am feeling better these days. For a few reasons. But a lot of things I am not going to get into on here. I'm usually pretty open on this blog, but am keeping a lot more things to myself. For good reasons. All anyone needs to know is that I'm feeling better.
Also, my Grandmother is doing better although she's still in the hospital. She'll probably be in there for a long time still. Her speech is getting better. I can understand her better. She's not crying as much anymore. Been taking her in her wheelchair to go to the "TV Room". There's a piano in there. I play a few songs that I know that she knows. Most of the songs I know are from when I was a kid and my family went to church every Sunday. So I know some church songs and that is about it. But, what I do know is that I've got to practice. And I know that my Grandmother enjoys watching and listening to me play the piano. She was the one who taught me to play the piano. My Grandparents had a piano in their house when I was growing up.
But things are at a good place in my life regardless of a few setbacks. I know that it's just the process and that I have to be patient at times. At many times. It will be okay though. It will all work out for the best. Just takes time and patience. Well sometimes it takes more than that, but mostly it takes those two things to see a tiny bit of progress and that tiny bit of progress allows you to see there is a glimmer of hope.
Anyway, I have been thinking about suicide these past few days. Not thinking about committing suicide, but just thinking about the subject. I can kind of understand those thoughts. But it just seems so tragic when I look at it. Especially when kids do it. That just breaks my heart. Why does it have to get to that point for anyone to realize that some people needed help?
I can understand it if someone has a disease and they are suffering, and they know that there is no cure for the disease and they know that they are just never going to be the same again. I can see that. I can understand if they are so sick that they don't want their family or loved ones to see them deteriorate. I do understand that. It took me a long time to really get it, but I have gotten it.
I don't even know why I keep thinking about those things. There are better things to think about.
There are things that I am waiting for that I know are WORTH waiting for.
So the anxiety has been slowly replaced by anticipation.
That is what is missing for those who think about and want to kill themselves.
They think that there isn't anything left to hope for.
Look for it, you'll find it.
The down town section and lots of sections of town are like dead and dying, then there's the tourist area closer to the falls and the casinos. They don't want the tourists to see the decaying parts of the town, only the parts that they want you to spend money in. The more time you spend there, the more money you will spend there. So yeah, I guess it gets depressing for the people who actually live there.
When I was walking to my Great-Aunts' house, people were looking at me all the way there. I'm like: "Is it THAT small of a town that people stare at strangers?!" Maybe it is. Seems small enough where it's the same crowd at the diners every day.
Like that song from Cheers...
"...Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came."
So, I felt compelled to snap those shots of the note I read on the bridge. And that is what that was about. I don't know if it was an actual suicide note, but it read like one.
But yeah, it wasn't something I wrote and I wasn't even really feeling that way.
And yes, I am feeling better these days. For a few reasons. But a lot of things I am not going to get into on here. I'm usually pretty open on this blog, but am keeping a lot more things to myself. For good reasons. All anyone needs to know is that I'm feeling better.
Also, my Grandmother is doing better although she's still in the hospital. She'll probably be in there for a long time still. Her speech is getting better. I can understand her better. She's not crying as much anymore. Been taking her in her wheelchair to go to the "TV Room". There's a piano in there. I play a few songs that I know that she knows. Most of the songs I know are from when I was a kid and my family went to church every Sunday. So I know some church songs and that is about it. But, what I do know is that I've got to practice. And I know that my Grandmother enjoys watching and listening to me play the piano. She was the one who taught me to play the piano. My Grandparents had a piano in their house when I was growing up.
But things are at a good place in my life regardless of a few setbacks. I know that it's just the process and that I have to be patient at times. At many times. It will be okay though. It will all work out for the best. Just takes time and patience. Well sometimes it takes more than that, but mostly it takes those two things to see a tiny bit of progress and that tiny bit of progress allows you to see there is a glimmer of hope.
Anyway, I have been thinking about suicide these past few days. Not thinking about committing suicide, but just thinking about the subject. I can kind of understand those thoughts. But it just seems so tragic when I look at it. Especially when kids do it. That just breaks my heart. Why does it have to get to that point for anyone to realize that some people needed help?
I can understand it if someone has a disease and they are suffering, and they know that there is no cure for the disease and they know that they are just never going to be the same again. I can see that. I can understand if they are so sick that they don't want their family or loved ones to see them deteriorate. I do understand that. It took me a long time to really get it, but I have gotten it.
I don't even know why I keep thinking about those things. There are better things to think about.
There are things that I am waiting for that I know are WORTH waiting for.
So the anxiety has been slowly replaced by anticipation.
That is what is missing for those who think about and want to kill themselves.
They think that there isn't anything left to hope for.
Look for it, you'll find it.
No comments:
Post a Comment