I have not gone to bed yet. I worked last night. It was alright. Just cleaning offices and taking out garbage. I hate the coffee and rotten fruit smells. Sometimes there are good smells like garlic. Makes me hungry. I hate that, though. Nothing worse than having to work with hunger pangs. Haha.
I got a nice surprise this morning. My friend, James gave me a card. A thank-you card. For accepting his offer to drive me to my meetings after work. And gave me a picture of him. Which was really nice of him. I know he has a HUGE crush on me, but I don't see that happening. First of all, he's 50. Second of all, I'm 30. Also, his ex-wife doesn't seem to like me very much. She probably knows he likes me.
He and I were having a chat in his car before my meeting started. He was showing me some signs. I have to practice them. He's deaf and I only know some signs. I wish I knew more. However, I know the alphabet in sign language and when I want to say a word that I don't know the sign for, I spell it for him. So we communicate that way.
I feel bad for him at staff meetings because there is no interpreter for him. We had a staff meeting last night before the shift officially started. The boss was there to tell us why we got paid the other day and not on our regular pay day. It turns out that the company we were working for got sold to a bigger company. Nothing will change, just new company means new management. Also we have to wait longer for our next pay day. Which is okay. I hope I get paid for working on Labor Day. Supposed to be time and a half. Which does equal to much more because that shift pays less than the night shift.
The AA meeting was a good one today. I got my 6 month chip this morning. It's blue and it says: Think Before You Drink, Call Your Sponsor. I don't have a sponsor. The thing is that women have to have a woman sponsor and men get a man sponsor. I don't get along with most women. I don't know why. Most of them seem to really hate my guts for whatever reason. Not sure why. Sometimes I think it is jealousy. Not that I'm full of myself. I'm definitely not. And I don't even know why they'd be jealous of me to begin with.
I used to know a girl and we are in the same program. We pretty much stay away from each other now. She wants nothing to do with me and ignores me. We used to talk. Her ex husband had a crush on me for a while. He's in my ACIM group. He used to drive me home afterwards. He used to hang around the college when I worked there on Sundays. He was a student there. But he was trying to catch me on my breaks and stuff.
I don't know why any guy would like me, honestly. I'm not overtly flirting with them and try to keep them at arm's length. Mostly because I have a very hard time trusting guys. From all the times a guy has shown me that there are reasons not to trust. Betrayal. It does stuff to a person.
Anyway, I really got to get to bed now. I'm starting to get one of those headaches that I get when I'm exhausted. I really do not need a migraine. The last migraine I had was SO bad.... I was actually throwing up every ten minutes or so. Couldn't keep anything down. Not even water. I had some muscle relaxants, but I couldn't keep them down, either. My friend suggested that I crush it up and snort it. Which I did. It actually worked. I really had to do something. I really had suffered a lot that day, the whole day. It hurt SO much! Also, I really hate throwing up. I've always hated it. Which is one thing I will NOT miss about drinking. The hangovers and the throwing up. I can't believe it's been 6 months already! Craziness!
But... Each day I'm feeling better and better. I really am. Miracles do happen. Every day. Sobriety is a miracle for a lot of alcoholics. It really is. Or else they'd drink themselves to death. It's a shame. But the only one who can save them is themselves. Which is a good reason for me to be single. Because I really need to straighten my life out. Guys seem to complicate the heck out of things for me. With their jealousy of my friends, their accusations, their attempts at catching me doing something that I'm not even doing. Suspicion. I don't need that kind of stress. Either you trust me, or you don't. Either you love me, or you don't. I just don't get why being in a relationship has to be that way for me when it's not that way for a lot of others. So, I don't need it. Now all I have to do is convince myself that I don't want it either. Because as Fall rolls around, I start having certain feelings. It happens every year. The stupid Romantic comes out in me. The hopeful part of me. What am I hoping for that I hadn't been hoping for (for the last 15 years)? I don't know.
All I know at THIS very moment. Is that I MUST SLEEP. NOW.
I got a nice surprise this morning. My friend, James gave me a card. A thank-you card. For accepting his offer to drive me to my meetings after work. And gave me a picture of him. Which was really nice of him. I know he has a HUGE crush on me, but I don't see that happening. First of all, he's 50. Second of all, I'm 30. Also, his ex-wife doesn't seem to like me very much. She probably knows he likes me.
He and I were having a chat in his car before my meeting started. He was showing me some signs. I have to practice them. He's deaf and I only know some signs. I wish I knew more. However, I know the alphabet in sign language and when I want to say a word that I don't know the sign for, I spell it for him. So we communicate that way.
I feel bad for him at staff meetings because there is no interpreter for him. We had a staff meeting last night before the shift officially started. The boss was there to tell us why we got paid the other day and not on our regular pay day. It turns out that the company we were working for got sold to a bigger company. Nothing will change, just new company means new management. Also we have to wait longer for our next pay day. Which is okay. I hope I get paid for working on Labor Day. Supposed to be time and a half. Which does equal to much more because that shift pays less than the night shift.
The AA meeting was a good one today. I got my 6 month chip this morning. It's blue and it says: Think Before You Drink, Call Your Sponsor. I don't have a sponsor. The thing is that women have to have a woman sponsor and men get a man sponsor. I don't get along with most women. I don't know why. Most of them seem to really hate my guts for whatever reason. Not sure why. Sometimes I think it is jealousy. Not that I'm full of myself. I'm definitely not. And I don't even know why they'd be jealous of me to begin with.
I used to know a girl and we are in the same program. We pretty much stay away from each other now. She wants nothing to do with me and ignores me. We used to talk. Her ex husband had a crush on me for a while. He's in my ACIM group. He used to drive me home afterwards. He used to hang around the college when I worked there on Sundays. He was a student there. But he was trying to catch me on my breaks and stuff.
I don't know why any guy would like me, honestly. I'm not overtly flirting with them and try to keep them at arm's length. Mostly because I have a very hard time trusting guys. From all the times a guy has shown me that there are reasons not to trust. Betrayal. It does stuff to a person.
Anyway, I really got to get to bed now. I'm starting to get one of those headaches that I get when I'm exhausted. I really do not need a migraine. The last migraine I had was SO bad.... I was actually throwing up every ten minutes or so. Couldn't keep anything down. Not even water. I had some muscle relaxants, but I couldn't keep them down, either. My friend suggested that I crush it up and snort it. Which I did. It actually worked. I really had to do something. I really had suffered a lot that day, the whole day. It hurt SO much! Also, I really hate throwing up. I've always hated it. Which is one thing I will NOT miss about drinking. The hangovers and the throwing up. I can't believe it's been 6 months already! Craziness!
But... Each day I'm feeling better and better. I really am. Miracles do happen. Every day. Sobriety is a miracle for a lot of alcoholics. It really is. Or else they'd drink themselves to death. It's a shame. But the only one who can save them is themselves. Which is a good reason for me to be single. Because I really need to straighten my life out. Guys seem to complicate the heck out of things for me. With their jealousy of my friends, their accusations, their attempts at catching me doing something that I'm not even doing. Suspicion. I don't need that kind of stress. Either you trust me, or you don't. Either you love me, or you don't. I just don't get why being in a relationship has to be that way for me when it's not that way for a lot of others. So, I don't need it. Now all I have to do is convince myself that I don't want it either. Because as Fall rolls around, I start having certain feelings. It happens every year. The stupid Romantic comes out in me. The hopeful part of me. What am I hoping for that I hadn't been hoping for (for the last 15 years)? I don't know.
All I know at THIS very moment. Is that I MUST SLEEP. NOW.
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