Today, I went to the mall to get some photos printed of my cousins and their kids for my Grandmother. I took the pictures off their facebook accounts. Without asking them. They'll probably get mad at me for doing that. But....
I look at it this way... I didn't print them off for a stranger. I printed them for our Grandmother. They could have easily printed them themselves and sent them. But they didn't. And...
I would have asked them, but every time I write to them I get no reply. So I quit trying to contact them. I'm still trying to accept that I'll never be close to my family. Family is very important to me. Always has been. Always will be. What I'm struggling with is that I don't seem to matter to them unless I'm doing something that they could be doing.
I wanted to take my Grandmother to Niagara Falls with me one year. Not for a year, but to visit her sisters. My Grandmother told my aunt. My aunt took her to Niagara Falls. Only because I wanted to and would have and my aunt can't stand for me doing anything nice for my Grandmother. So I'll just have to wait to hear what she has to say about me printing those pictures of my cousins and their kids.
I swear my aunt hates me. I think she is jealous that I'm close to my Grandmother. Neither of her daughters call or write let alone visit her. They make no time for her whatsoever. If they did, maybe they'd have no reason to be mad at me. They aren't the ones my Grandmother cries to because they have nothing to do with her.
One of my cousins is moving back to Ottawa from Alberta. Once, when she was visiting her parents in Ottawa, my Grandmother found out and was crying to my mother that my cousin didn't call or come visit her. So my mom gave my cousin crap for it. How do you come to Ottawa and NOT even CALL your Grandmother? I don't understand how they think it's fine to be selfish and then HATE me for MAKING the time for my Grandmother.
I'm really struggling with accepting them the way they are when they cannot and will not accept me as I am. I'm struggling with forgiving them when they turn around and point the finger at me for giving my Grandmother the love, respect, and attention she deserves. I know that there will come a time when I will have to walk away from all of them. For good. And just live my life. They never seem to think about anyone but themselves. I have to accept that or at least try to find a way to do that. I have to forgive them for not wanting anything to do with me or with my Grandmother. I will have to. It burns me up inside. I have to stop judging them though. I have to rise above them all and dismiss their judgements of me, too.
I was supposed to go to Alberta to visit my cousins, an aunt and uncle. This month is when I was supposed to go visit. I haven't heard anything from them. Even when I wrote to them, I got no reply. So I assume they never wanted me to visit to begin with. So I am taking a trip to Niagara Falls instead. I can't bring my Grandmother with me because she can't travel a long distance anymore. That time I wanted to take her, but my aunt took her so that I couldn't... She took away what would have been a great memory for the both of us.
I look at it this way... I didn't print them off for a stranger. I printed them for our Grandmother. They could have easily printed them themselves and sent them. But they didn't. And...
I would have asked them, but every time I write to them I get no reply. So I quit trying to contact them. I'm still trying to accept that I'll never be close to my family. Family is very important to me. Always has been. Always will be. What I'm struggling with is that I don't seem to matter to them unless I'm doing something that they could be doing.
I wanted to take my Grandmother to Niagara Falls with me one year. Not for a year, but to visit her sisters. My Grandmother told my aunt. My aunt took her to Niagara Falls. Only because I wanted to and would have and my aunt can't stand for me doing anything nice for my Grandmother. So I'll just have to wait to hear what she has to say about me printing those pictures of my cousins and their kids.
I swear my aunt hates me. I think she is jealous that I'm close to my Grandmother. Neither of her daughters call or write let alone visit her. They make no time for her whatsoever. If they did, maybe they'd have no reason to be mad at me. They aren't the ones my Grandmother cries to because they have nothing to do with her.
One of my cousins is moving back to Ottawa from Alberta. Once, when she was visiting her parents in Ottawa, my Grandmother found out and was crying to my mother that my cousin didn't call or come visit her. So my mom gave my cousin crap for it. How do you come to Ottawa and NOT even CALL your Grandmother? I don't understand how they think it's fine to be selfish and then HATE me for MAKING the time for my Grandmother.
I'm really struggling with accepting them the way they are when they cannot and will not accept me as I am. I'm struggling with forgiving them when they turn around and point the finger at me for giving my Grandmother the love, respect, and attention she deserves. I know that there will come a time when I will have to walk away from all of them. For good. And just live my life. They never seem to think about anyone but themselves. I have to accept that or at least try to find a way to do that. I have to forgive them for not wanting anything to do with me or with my Grandmother. I will have to. It burns me up inside. I have to stop judging them though. I have to rise above them all and dismiss their judgements of me, too.
I was supposed to go to Alberta to visit my cousins, an aunt and uncle. This month is when I was supposed to go visit. I haven't heard anything from them. Even when I wrote to them, I got no reply. So I assume they never wanted me to visit to begin with. So I am taking a trip to Niagara Falls instead. I can't bring my Grandmother with me because she can't travel a long distance anymore. That time I wanted to take her, but my aunt took her so that I couldn't... She took away what would have been a great memory for the both of us.
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