A lot of the stuff I've been learning about has to do with the nervous system. It is the key component to your life. It is how we interact in the world.
So start with thinking about your nerves. What are the roles? They basically send and receive messages throughout your body in signals.
A lot of people aren't good at interpreting signals. Because this has to be learned and isn't really taught.
Body language, sensations, emotions, thoughts, hmmm what else? Memories... I guess that can be connected to thoughts because you have to think in order to remember something. A cognitive dealio. But it is your hole body. The control center obviously being your brain. Most people know this already.
But different parts of the brain control different functions of your body. The frontal cortex is self control, rationalizing, logic. That part of the brain can be used frequently and can strengthen by way of frequent use. This is why we can THINK. Most of our thinking happens there. But that part receives signals from other senses as well as other parts of the brain. Like the impulse parts, the memory part... Etc.
Memories trigger emotions because remembering something is a thought process and thoughts have 3 parts: Emotions, images, words. That's what most thoughts are. Words that are concepts, imagining those concepts, and how you feel about those concepts, and how you feel about the images that they bring up in your mind.
So this is what memory does. It brings up stored thoughts, images, feelings. From past experiences. And it impulsively initiates that fight or flight thing. Am I going to fight for what I want? And Flee from what I don't want? Probably! The things that we remember that bring pain, loss, grief.... I decide.... Hey! I don't like feeling like this! I'm going to try to ignore it or escape from it... Even if you try to ignore it or escape from it, it's still THERE! And because it's still there... It needs to be dealt with. Somehow. It needs to be faced. It needs to be overcome. Don't like feeling that way? Well don't ignore it, overcome it. Or that feeling will always be there whether you want it to go away (which you do because it's uncomfortable) or not.
This is the thing with grief is that when you lose something or someone, you feel this suffering because you feel like you have LOST something or someone. So loss causes you to have certain memories that causes you to feel even more loss. Loss makes you feel deprived. When you feel deprived, you feel an emptiness and that emptiness caused by the void (that was previous filled with the thing or person you lost) will cause separation anxiety. Separation anxiety IS the grief. You associate yourself so much with the thing or person that was previously filled that void that you IDENTIFY with that thing or person. So when you feel like you have lost your identity, you feel separated not only by the void, but the loss of that identity itself. The identification is always going to be internalized. So that void becomes internalized. But there is good news in this... Because that void in yourself is internal, it can be fixed internally. The problems and the solutions are usually in the same place. Like Pain and Joy... A problem and a solution... Both are internal. One comes from an internal conflict. The other comes from an internal resolution.
Separation anxiety... It can be caused by a lot of things... Loss is one of them. Change is definitely another cause. When something changes, it doesn't mean it is lost. It has changed. BUT you FEEL as though you lost something because you feel like you lost the predictability, security, comfort. Then when you lose those three, the other needs that stem from that or feed into it are compromised as well. All because there was a CHANGE. Changes cause unpredictability. Changes cause discomfort, changes cause insecurity. Changes are resistance. Resistance creates that internal conflict where you know that what you were previously comfortable with has changed. Which causes you to be uncomfortable. When you are uncomfortable, it means a change is taking place and you have to find ways to make it comforting. By accepting that things change. People suffer loss... People suffer pain, consequences... Often in silence. Which means they are not even aware of the impacts the suffering has on them and the people around them. Misery... Suffering... They go hand in hand. Commiseration.
I was in a meeting where (and I know that I shouldn't talk about this but I won't use the person's name) someone said that they went from using alcohol in times of celebration to times of commiseration. And they said they are aware that they allowed themselves to do that. But they weren't sure how they even allowed themselves to do that.... I think that it was a way of 'filling needs' or 'voids' those 8 needs that I keep mentioning (because I need to remember them and how they affect people's motives). I thought back to grief... Commiseration (to me) is both grief and relief. Like grief because you are miserable. But relief because when it is communal misery, it is somewhat of a relief. Because you can IDENTIFY with the suffering of others.
I thought about the word community today. Because there is that word unity in it. Communal unity. Commiseration makes me think of community, so does celebration. They are both communal, and unify us in identification.
Most of our emotions are impulsive, unconscious. We feel based on what we instinctually/ impulsively think. When we commiserate, it becomes an instinct. Because it's an impulse. Our instincts become our natural reaction to things because those are the ways we are most comfortable operating.
That makes me think about 'cutting'. Self inflicted harm. I know about this because I used to do it. It became an instinct to me to just harm myself. Whenever I felt emotional or psychological pain, I would try to make myself comfortable by inflicting physical pain. Once I did do it, I was able to release the effects of the emotional and psychological pain. It became an addiction, a self destructive pre occupational behaviour over time because I became comfortable with it. It brought me comfort.
All our bad habits, addictions, self destructive pre occupational behaviours... We have them and use them to somehow bring us comfort. The way they comfort us is by providing us with something we think we need. Which is relief. Relief from grief.
So... We can LEARN that we can have good habits, self constructive pre occupational behaviors by giving ourselves permission to find another way to provide ourselves with the same relief. Sometimes we think that the rewards we seek (especially the fake rewards) IS the relief, but the relief IS the REAL reward. How do we achieve that relief? By meeting your needs. And again, we can actually meet some needs by meeting other needs.
Right now, I'm struggling with meeting my needs. I need to express my thoughts. Which is why I am writing these posts today. But... Also I need to sleep (because I work tonight) and the need to express myself is stronger than the urge to fill the need I have for sleep. BUT... At least I am AWARE of both needs.
So start with thinking about your nerves. What are the roles? They basically send and receive messages throughout your body in signals.
A lot of people aren't good at interpreting signals. Because this has to be learned and isn't really taught.
Body language, sensations, emotions, thoughts, hmmm what else? Memories... I guess that can be connected to thoughts because you have to think in order to remember something. A cognitive dealio. But it is your hole body. The control center obviously being your brain. Most people know this already.
But different parts of the brain control different functions of your body. The frontal cortex is self control, rationalizing, logic. That part of the brain can be used frequently and can strengthen by way of frequent use. This is why we can THINK. Most of our thinking happens there. But that part receives signals from other senses as well as other parts of the brain. Like the impulse parts, the memory part... Etc.
Memories trigger emotions because remembering something is a thought process and thoughts have 3 parts: Emotions, images, words. That's what most thoughts are. Words that are concepts, imagining those concepts, and how you feel about those concepts, and how you feel about the images that they bring up in your mind.
So this is what memory does. It brings up stored thoughts, images, feelings. From past experiences. And it impulsively initiates that fight or flight thing. Am I going to fight for what I want? And Flee from what I don't want? Probably! The things that we remember that bring pain, loss, grief.... I decide.... Hey! I don't like feeling like this! I'm going to try to ignore it or escape from it... Even if you try to ignore it or escape from it, it's still THERE! And because it's still there... It needs to be dealt with. Somehow. It needs to be faced. It needs to be overcome. Don't like feeling that way? Well don't ignore it, overcome it. Or that feeling will always be there whether you want it to go away (which you do because it's uncomfortable) or not.
This is the thing with grief is that when you lose something or someone, you feel this suffering because you feel like you have LOST something or someone. So loss causes you to have certain memories that causes you to feel even more loss. Loss makes you feel deprived. When you feel deprived, you feel an emptiness and that emptiness caused by the void (that was previous filled with the thing or person you lost) will cause separation anxiety. Separation anxiety IS the grief. You associate yourself so much with the thing or person that was previously filled that void that you IDENTIFY with that thing or person. So when you feel like you have lost your identity, you feel separated not only by the void, but the loss of that identity itself. The identification is always going to be internalized. So that void becomes internalized. But there is good news in this... Because that void in yourself is internal, it can be fixed internally. The problems and the solutions are usually in the same place. Like Pain and Joy... A problem and a solution... Both are internal. One comes from an internal conflict. The other comes from an internal resolution.
Separation anxiety... It can be caused by a lot of things... Loss is one of them. Change is definitely another cause. When something changes, it doesn't mean it is lost. It has changed. BUT you FEEL as though you lost something because you feel like you lost the predictability, security, comfort. Then when you lose those three, the other needs that stem from that or feed into it are compromised as well. All because there was a CHANGE. Changes cause unpredictability. Changes cause discomfort, changes cause insecurity. Changes are resistance. Resistance creates that internal conflict where you know that what you were previously comfortable with has changed. Which causes you to be uncomfortable. When you are uncomfortable, it means a change is taking place and you have to find ways to make it comforting. By accepting that things change. People suffer loss... People suffer pain, consequences... Often in silence. Which means they are not even aware of the impacts the suffering has on them and the people around them. Misery... Suffering... They go hand in hand. Commiseration.
I was in a meeting where (and I know that I shouldn't talk about this but I won't use the person's name) someone said that they went from using alcohol in times of celebration to times of commiseration. And they said they are aware that they allowed themselves to do that. But they weren't sure how they even allowed themselves to do that.... I think that it was a way of 'filling needs' or 'voids' those 8 needs that I keep mentioning (because I need to remember them and how they affect people's motives). I thought back to grief... Commiseration (to me) is both grief and relief. Like grief because you are miserable. But relief because when it is communal misery, it is somewhat of a relief. Because you can IDENTIFY with the suffering of others.
I thought about the word community today. Because there is that word unity in it. Communal unity. Commiseration makes me think of community, so does celebration. They are both communal, and unify us in identification.
Most of our emotions are impulsive, unconscious. We feel based on what we instinctually/ impulsively think. When we commiserate, it becomes an instinct. Because it's an impulse. Our instincts become our natural reaction to things because those are the ways we are most comfortable operating.
That makes me think about 'cutting'. Self inflicted harm. I know about this because I used to do it. It became an instinct to me to just harm myself. Whenever I felt emotional or psychological pain, I would try to make myself comfortable by inflicting physical pain. Once I did do it, I was able to release the effects of the emotional and psychological pain. It became an addiction, a self destructive pre occupational behaviour over time because I became comfortable with it. It brought me comfort.
All our bad habits, addictions, self destructive pre occupational behaviours... We have them and use them to somehow bring us comfort. The way they comfort us is by providing us with something we think we need. Which is relief. Relief from grief.
So... We can LEARN that we can have good habits, self constructive pre occupational behaviors by giving ourselves permission to find another way to provide ourselves with the same relief. Sometimes we think that the rewards we seek (especially the fake rewards) IS the relief, but the relief IS the REAL reward. How do we achieve that relief? By meeting your needs. And again, we can actually meet some needs by meeting other needs.
Right now, I'm struggling with meeting my needs. I need to express my thoughts. Which is why I am writing these posts today. But... Also I need to sleep (because I work tonight) and the need to express myself is stronger than the urge to fill the need I have for sleep. BUT... At least I am AWARE of both needs.
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