Today was my second week of the willpower workshop. I think there are only two weeks left, unfortunately. I wish it was longer, but I shall see how long it is.
So last week, we were talking about Self-control VS Impulse. He added a few things into the mix. And all of this stuff is linked into my stuff that I'm doing. This is why it is important to me to keep going to things like this. Another workshop coming up is about "Grief" and that is important to me, too. I have never learned how to 'grieve' properly. I know there are 5 stages of grief, but the workshop might cover them more in depth. Not sure yet. It'll be my first experience through the "Relationships Matter" group I joined months and months ago. I keep thinking I should be attending as many of them as I can because I'm bound to get SOMETHING out of every single one and most of the time I do learn SOMETHING.
The components that were added were:
Judgement
Blame
Criticism
To be honest, my impulses go to these ones. I realized I made a lot of mistakes with these three things. I want to know how to fix those so I need to know what the flip sides are to these.
The opposite dictionary says the opposites are:
Mercy
Praise
Compliment
By switching it up from our impulses to judge, blame, and criticise, we are opening ourselves up to the things that come with mercy, praise, and complimenting. Like tolerance and patience. There are rewards with tolerance and patience. Believe it or not.
There's something going on between two of my friends. I really want to stand back from it. I do not want to be involved at all, but it seems like both of them are involving me when I really have nothing to do with the conflict. The only way I figure into it is that I introduced them to each other. That's all.
It's like I can see both of them with this judgement, blame, and criticism. I can see it because I'm not directly involved. With the falling out I had with an ex-friend of mine, I did a lot of the blame and criticism BECAUSE of the judgement going on in my mind. I was judging HIS behavior and NOT looking at my own behavior. I was the one BEING impatient, NOT thinking, NOT rationalizing, NOT SEEING my mistakes until they were too late. So all this stuff I've been learning, I directly relate it to that situation because ALL of it applies. I was acting on my IMPULSES, but too bad I realize this wayyyyy TOO LATE! Otherwise I might still have this guy in my life, even though he was also making judgements on me and this lead to the decision of him not wanting to be friends anymore. He judged me based on the MISTAKES I made. When people act impulsively, they tend to not intend to do the impulsive things, but it's the automatic REACTION VS the self controlled RESPONSE. The choice lies in: Am I going to REACT to this? Or am I going to RESPOND to this?
I heard somewhere: "Sometimes the best response is no response at all." Like with certain people in my life who are committed to misunderstanding me and to whom I have no value at all.
Anyway, today was about Judgement, Blame, Criticism AND... Pleasure VS Relief.
We impulsively seek pleasure. BUT we can find relief from the pleasure seeking impulses using self-control.
The thing with anything that goes against each other is that they CAN ALSO work together to achieve a balance. Too much of one thing or too little of something can cause the same result. Too much sleep can make you as grumpy as too little sleep. Too much of a good thing can lead to the same results as too little of a good thing.
I could write about ALL the notes I took today, but I'm going to try to keep this short(er). The last thing I wanted to write about is how we tend to use impulses to fulfill our needs. When we use our impulses to fulfill our needs, we are operating on false promises of pleasure and realize that it doesn't last as long and we are not as fulfilled as we would be had we used our self-control to fill the same needs.
I kept thinking of one of the needs that is fulfilled with pleasure and relief. The need for comfort. When we are pleasure seeking, we do things we know will bring us comfort & pleasure because let's face it, pleasure is pretty comfortable. Then I keep thinking that about relief. Relief is comfort as well. I also kept thinking of it in terms of addiction. Like a drug has its uses in the pleasure principle. But also, it is a relief because a drug user is relieving themselves from the pressure of cravings or the stress of 'triggers'.
I keep thinking of comfort as in comfort zones. People behave certain ways and become comfortable behaving that way. That is why making changes is so hard because we have to become uncomfortable by changing what we were comfortable with and try to become comfortable with what we were not comfortable with before.
Like this change I've been in the process of making...
I WAS comfortable with being an alcoholic. I WAS NOT comfortable with the idea of never having any more alcohol ever again. I was pretty much throwing away my comfort. I was comfortable with resorting to getting drunk because that was what was normal for me. I'm not comfortable with things that are not normal (to me). What is normal for someone else, is not necessarily normal for me and what is normal for me is not going to be normal for someone else.
Normal = Comfort
Abnormal = Discomfort
The more normal something that was previously abnormal becomes, the more comfortable it becomes.
To expand your comfort zone, one MUST be READY, ABLE & WILLING to step OUT of it and KEEP stepping out of it. This is how changes are made. People CANNOT & WILL NOT change if they are NOT READY, ABLE, OR WILLING to step outside their comfort zone.
If someone is not READY, it's not the time.
If someone is not ABLE, there's lack of skills.
If someone is not WILLING, there is lack of desire.
I'm thinking of a million things right now and that's not good when I'm supposed to be sleeping!
AND I have ALL night to think... So time for bed!
So last week, we were talking about Self-control VS Impulse. He added a few things into the mix. And all of this stuff is linked into my stuff that I'm doing. This is why it is important to me to keep going to things like this. Another workshop coming up is about "Grief" and that is important to me, too. I have never learned how to 'grieve' properly. I know there are 5 stages of grief, but the workshop might cover them more in depth. Not sure yet. It'll be my first experience through the "Relationships Matter" group I joined months and months ago. I keep thinking I should be attending as many of them as I can because I'm bound to get SOMETHING out of every single one and most of the time I do learn SOMETHING.
The components that were added were:
Judgement
Blame
Criticism
To be honest, my impulses go to these ones. I realized I made a lot of mistakes with these three things. I want to know how to fix those so I need to know what the flip sides are to these.
The opposite dictionary says the opposites are:
Mercy
Praise
Compliment
By switching it up from our impulses to judge, blame, and criticise, we are opening ourselves up to the things that come with mercy, praise, and complimenting. Like tolerance and patience. There are rewards with tolerance and patience. Believe it or not.
There's something going on between two of my friends. I really want to stand back from it. I do not want to be involved at all, but it seems like both of them are involving me when I really have nothing to do with the conflict. The only way I figure into it is that I introduced them to each other. That's all.
It's like I can see both of them with this judgement, blame, and criticism. I can see it because I'm not directly involved. With the falling out I had with an ex-friend of mine, I did a lot of the blame and criticism BECAUSE of the judgement going on in my mind. I was judging HIS behavior and NOT looking at my own behavior. I was the one BEING impatient, NOT thinking, NOT rationalizing, NOT SEEING my mistakes until they were too late. So all this stuff I've been learning, I directly relate it to that situation because ALL of it applies. I was acting on my IMPULSES, but too bad I realize this wayyyyy TOO LATE! Otherwise I might still have this guy in my life, even though he was also making judgements on me and this lead to the decision of him not wanting to be friends anymore. He judged me based on the MISTAKES I made. When people act impulsively, they tend to not intend to do the impulsive things, but it's the automatic REACTION VS the self controlled RESPONSE. The choice lies in: Am I going to REACT to this? Or am I going to RESPOND to this?
I heard somewhere: "Sometimes the best response is no response at all." Like with certain people in my life who are committed to misunderstanding me and to whom I have no value at all.
Anyway, today was about Judgement, Blame, Criticism AND... Pleasure VS Relief.
We impulsively seek pleasure. BUT we can find relief from the pleasure seeking impulses using self-control.
The thing with anything that goes against each other is that they CAN ALSO work together to achieve a balance. Too much of one thing or too little of something can cause the same result. Too much sleep can make you as grumpy as too little sleep. Too much of a good thing can lead to the same results as too little of a good thing.
I could write about ALL the notes I took today, but I'm going to try to keep this short(er). The last thing I wanted to write about is how we tend to use impulses to fulfill our needs. When we use our impulses to fulfill our needs, we are operating on false promises of pleasure and realize that it doesn't last as long and we are not as fulfilled as we would be had we used our self-control to fill the same needs.
I kept thinking of one of the needs that is fulfilled with pleasure and relief. The need for comfort. When we are pleasure seeking, we do things we know will bring us comfort & pleasure because let's face it, pleasure is pretty comfortable. Then I keep thinking that about relief. Relief is comfort as well. I also kept thinking of it in terms of addiction. Like a drug has its uses in the pleasure principle. But also, it is a relief because a drug user is relieving themselves from the pressure of cravings or the stress of 'triggers'.
I keep thinking of comfort as in comfort zones. People behave certain ways and become comfortable behaving that way. That is why making changes is so hard because we have to become uncomfortable by changing what we were comfortable with and try to become comfortable with what we were not comfortable with before.
Like this change I've been in the process of making...
I WAS comfortable with being an alcoholic. I WAS NOT comfortable with the idea of never having any more alcohol ever again. I was pretty much throwing away my comfort. I was comfortable with resorting to getting drunk because that was what was normal for me. I'm not comfortable with things that are not normal (to me). What is normal for someone else, is not necessarily normal for me and what is normal for me is not going to be normal for someone else.
Normal = Comfort
Abnormal = Discomfort
The more normal something that was previously abnormal becomes, the more comfortable it becomes.
To expand your comfort zone, one MUST be READY, ABLE & WILLING to step OUT of it and KEEP stepping out of it. This is how changes are made. People CANNOT & WILL NOT change if they are NOT READY, ABLE, OR WILLING to step outside their comfort zone.
If someone is not READY, it's not the time.
If someone is not ABLE, there's lack of skills.
If someone is not WILLING, there is lack of desire.
I'm thinking of a million things right now and that's not good when I'm supposed to be sleeping!
AND I have ALL night to think... So time for bed!
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