Don't you hate being alone with your thoughts all night long? I do! It happens when I'm at work. Usually I can escape my thoughts but not at work. Sometimes songs play in my head... I prefer that over thinking about stuff I've been trying hard not to think about. Namely, my past relationship. I've been doing pretty good lately though. With the not thinking about that as much...
It takes time to fully move on. Even though I have moved on in most ways. I wish I could clear my mind and focus without all these junk thoughts floating around in my mind all the time... I heard that meditation is supposed to be like that. I don't do it often because it's hard to stop 'thinking' and just be still in my mind... I know it takes practice. Everything does.
I have much better things to think about other than the crap that fills my mind. I want to run away from these thoughts, but they just keep coming back. Like that cat comes back!
It's weird. I'm weird. Life is weird. I'm just not normal. Never was, never will be. Sure, I've suffered for being weird. Pretty much all my life. Socially inept. I've been contemplating things though, whenever I'm free from the thoughts that have been haunting me.
I say 'haunting' because they are sometimes intrusive. If I had the choice my mind would come up with better things to think about. Instead of memories and the feelings associated with those. And such.
I have a few goals for next month and if I can accomplish 1 out of 3 then I will be happy. I have to do things slowly. So slowly that it feels like I am going backwards. Some days.. I feel like I just cannot do anything right. That is how it feels. Because no matter what I do, I end up with extra work. Due to my own stupid mistakes or whatever.
Setbacks kind of piss me off. Like I had to fax my pay stubs in to a place yesterday. It was really important for me to do this... I went to the post office and the guy got one of my pay stubs jammed in the fax machine and it tore. So now I have to get another copy of it, which will cost me, and I still need to bring it to the office. Or fax it. If I could just scan them myself, I could just email them, but I don't know of anywhere I can do that...
I'm thinking I need to lose weight. My stomach is always bothering me lately. Also, people at work think I'm pregnant. I feel out of breath when I'm working... I'm not in good physical shape. I've been feeling sick. I think it has to do with my hernia. I gotta make an appointment with my doctor soon. I have to tell her that it's not going away, it's getting worse. I feel another lump starting. I might have two holes in my stomach now. Sometimes it hurts, but mostly it just feels uncomfortable. This is why I need to get in shape. I've been waiting for winter to end so that I can go for nice long walks and start jogging again. When I was in college I lost around 70 pounds. It took 2 years to lose all that. I was also smoking, too.
I'd be happy if I lost 10 pounds. Then nobody at work will ask me if I'm pregnant. When I'm working really hard to get my work done... I sweat pretty good. So working is like a workout for me. Which feels good. I know why I've been gaining weight... Empty calories... I need more exercise... I'm guessing that there is over 200 calories in one beer. If you drink more than 1 beer a week... Let's just say 5 beers per week... That's over 1,000 calories... I read that there are about 3,500 calories in 1 pound of body weight. So if you drink 5 beers per week, in 1 month, you gain 1 pound per month... Just drinking beer!
It seems like I've been putting weight on and not taking it off. I just want to be healthy, but it's hard. It's hard to say no to fast food and beer. All those unhealthy things... But yeah, the key to losing weight is doing something physical that makes your heart rate increase and makes you sweat. Sweating is the fat coming out. Sweat is the fat! I kinda wish I could take some fitness class or something... Well there is a nutritionist who does these free session things. Like a free consultation. Been thinking about going to see her soon. I got her number around here somewhere.... Wouldn't be a bad idea...
I was talking to my counsellor about exercise because I refuse to take anti-depressants anymore. I was on those before and they just made me sick. I'd forget to take my pill for a few days and then I could barely function at all. So you cannot tell me that is healthy!
By walking for 30 minutes I could burn around 80 calories. That is just by walking. I could burn up to 320 calories by running for 30 minutes. I have to start off slow. I can run now, but I have to be careful. My knee feels better. It's almost as though it had never been injured. Which is fantastic. I waited this long for it to heal so that I could resume physical activities. I'm just kind of worried about the hernia now. I hate having a hernia. It just plain sucks!
But yeah, if I can just change my lifestyle... I could save money, be healthy, and be happy! That sounds like a win-win-win situation!
It takes time to fully move on. Even though I have moved on in most ways. I wish I could clear my mind and focus without all these junk thoughts floating around in my mind all the time... I heard that meditation is supposed to be like that. I don't do it often because it's hard to stop 'thinking' and just be still in my mind... I know it takes practice. Everything does.
I have much better things to think about other than the crap that fills my mind. I want to run away from these thoughts, but they just keep coming back. Like that cat comes back!
It's weird. I'm weird. Life is weird. I'm just not normal. Never was, never will be. Sure, I've suffered for being weird. Pretty much all my life. Socially inept. I've been contemplating things though, whenever I'm free from the thoughts that have been haunting me.
I say 'haunting' because they are sometimes intrusive. If I had the choice my mind would come up with better things to think about. Instead of memories and the feelings associated with those. And such.
I have a few goals for next month and if I can accomplish 1 out of 3 then I will be happy. I have to do things slowly. So slowly that it feels like I am going backwards. Some days.. I feel like I just cannot do anything right. That is how it feels. Because no matter what I do, I end up with extra work. Due to my own stupid mistakes or whatever.
Setbacks kind of piss me off. Like I had to fax my pay stubs in to a place yesterday. It was really important for me to do this... I went to the post office and the guy got one of my pay stubs jammed in the fax machine and it tore. So now I have to get another copy of it, which will cost me, and I still need to bring it to the office. Or fax it. If I could just scan them myself, I could just email them, but I don't know of anywhere I can do that...
I'm thinking I need to lose weight. My stomach is always bothering me lately. Also, people at work think I'm pregnant. I feel out of breath when I'm working... I'm not in good physical shape. I've been feeling sick. I think it has to do with my hernia. I gotta make an appointment with my doctor soon. I have to tell her that it's not going away, it's getting worse. I feel another lump starting. I might have two holes in my stomach now. Sometimes it hurts, but mostly it just feels uncomfortable. This is why I need to get in shape. I've been waiting for winter to end so that I can go for nice long walks and start jogging again. When I was in college I lost around 70 pounds. It took 2 years to lose all that. I was also smoking, too.
I'd be happy if I lost 10 pounds. Then nobody at work will ask me if I'm pregnant. When I'm working really hard to get my work done... I sweat pretty good. So working is like a workout for me. Which feels good. I know why I've been gaining weight... Empty calories... I need more exercise... I'm guessing that there is over 200 calories in one beer. If you drink more than 1 beer a week... Let's just say 5 beers per week... That's over 1,000 calories... I read that there are about 3,500 calories in 1 pound of body weight. So if you drink 5 beers per week, in 1 month, you gain 1 pound per month... Just drinking beer!
It seems like I've been putting weight on and not taking it off. I just want to be healthy, but it's hard. It's hard to say no to fast food and beer. All those unhealthy things... But yeah, the key to losing weight is doing something physical that makes your heart rate increase and makes you sweat. Sweating is the fat coming out. Sweat is the fat! I kinda wish I could take some fitness class or something... Well there is a nutritionist who does these free session things. Like a free consultation. Been thinking about going to see her soon. I got her number around here somewhere.... Wouldn't be a bad idea...
I was talking to my counsellor about exercise because I refuse to take anti-depressants anymore. I was on those before and they just made me sick. I'd forget to take my pill for a few days and then I could barely function at all. So you cannot tell me that is healthy!
By walking for 30 minutes I could burn around 80 calories. That is just by walking. I could burn up to 320 calories by running for 30 minutes. I have to start off slow. I can run now, but I have to be careful. My knee feels better. It's almost as though it had never been injured. Which is fantastic. I waited this long for it to heal so that I could resume physical activities. I'm just kind of worried about the hernia now. I hate having a hernia. It just plain sucks!
But yeah, if I can just change my lifestyle... I could save money, be healthy, and be happy! That sounds like a win-win-win situation!
Ah..food, exercise, weight loss. These are always a struggle. Thing is, you have to eat right AND exercise. If you can only do one of those things then you should choose to eat healthy in my opinion...I had actually lost about 30 lbs before the big move..I let my diet slack but and put most of the weight back on. Total bummer. Anyway we're getting back on track with the food and exercise. Increased protein and low GI foods. Gotta avoid those cookies...Man, I miss cookies.. :P
ReplyDeleteI'm going to miss beer one day...
ReplyDelete