I don't get some stuff... I just don't get it.
There's a guy who blogged about his own suicide. His blog was all about when, how, where, when he was going to kill himself. First of all, I sort of understand why people would want to kill themselves. The world is a shitty place and some people have shitty lives. I'm not saying people should want to kill themselves or that they should do it. Not saying that at all. But I do understand. Sometimes, it's even an accidental thing.
BUT... WHY would you want the whole world to know about it? Why make such a big deal about it? That's obviously an attention seeking thing. Like: "I'm not getting enough attention while I'm alive... So I'm going to really get their attention by doing this!" Just seems foolish to me.
Here is the article I was reading: Suicide Blogger
I can understand if someone is really sick and they are terminally ill. They just don't want to suffer anymore. I can understand that.
I'm finding out about these crazy things where people are broadcasting their own suicides. I think that is just ridiculous. Seriously! I can understand being fed up living the kind of life some people live. I understand what depression is all about. I'm getting better with dealing with my own sh*t and been through a lot. Heck, I even contemplated ending my own life many, many years ago. But I can say I'm glad I didn't. Life is too short without making it shorter than it needs to be. There are so many people who die way too young from cancer and whatever else. They don't have the opportunities to LIVE LIFE anymore, whereas I still do. AND there are things to be grateful for. Thankfulness for what you have just expands the ability to have more awesomeness in your life.
What I learned through ACIM in the past year... (I'd be learning much more if I read it every day like I should be). Is that Depression is just the sense of deprivation. You feel you are deprived of your desires, therefore you become depressed. I know that it's more complicated than that, but that is the basis of depression. So if you are truly thankful for what you have, will you feel deprived? Not nearly as much. The reason people feel deprived in the first place is they let their ego tell them that they should 'want what everyone else has' instead of want 'to be a better person'. Also, these pills doctors give us called anti-depressants can actually cause the symptoms they are supposed to be relieving or eradicating. Doctors care more about the kickbacks they get from prescribing their patients these drugs... Than they do about the patients. The more pills they prescribe, the more 'benefits' they get from the drug companies. Like commissions. I'm not going to let some doctor tell me that I should take some pills (that'll probably mess me up worse than I already am) just so he can get something from the drug company. No f*cking way!
I'm learning new things every day. I had a long conversation with a guy I met through the dating site about medications and things. But also other things. Like he told me the best thing (that he finds) about being in his 30's is that the "I don't give a f*ck" gene kicks in. I'm starting to feel it already and my birthday is still a few days away. Why couldn't I have had that kick in long ago? Well, my theory is that I had to care way too much, and get my heart broken all those times, so that I could LEARN that it is so much easier 'not to give a f*ck' and I am stronger because the sh*t I went through. All the stress of trying to date in the past made me realized it isn't really worth it anymore. Maybe I'll meet some guy in the future and everything will be the way it should have always been... But the truth is people have different levels of being 'emotionally secure'. Some people just aren't. I mean like emotional stability, emotional maturity actually encompasses it all...
I can admit that I know I'm not at the level where I could function in a relationship. I still get hurt. BUT I realize that it is my CHOICE to feel whatever the heck I feel. I know it is my CHOICE in HOW I am going to DEAL with MY emotions. A lot of people just react to negative events in negative ways... It is their REACTION and their REACTION dictates their ACTIONS. But you have the CHOICE whether you are going to let your reaction dictate your actions. It is a choice. I have lots of choices to make in my life. A lot. I will face choices daily. I will face challenges daily. Each challenge is going to consist of making choices. Hard choices and easy ones. But choices nonetheless.
Years ago I was really emotionally unstable. I was the kind of girl who always thought: "If I could find a person to love me, I am worthy of love." You know what? I realized I am worthy of love regardless if I find someone to love me or not. People have their own ideas of how love should be. People who have no control over themselves or their own lives will want to have control over someone else and someone else's life. We control ourselves. We control our own lives. Besides control is just an ideal, not something that is actually tangible. Life has the control over what happens, we do not. I cannot date someone who will be vindictive to assert control over me with head games and drama. The ones who say 'I hate this and that' often portray what they hate. It's weird. But it just made me realize, over time, that when I'm ready, I'll be ready. I'm not ready now. You know why? Because I want to grow as a person and it's hard to do that when you are constantly concerned with someone else's happiness. Oh! You're not happy?! So you have to make me miserable, too?! No thanks! Go piss on your own parade. I have so much work to do on myself and my own life that I really do not need someone else's garbage insecurities preventing me from working on fixing my own issues.
So yeah, I just want to move on with the lessons I am learning and have already learned. Of course I will still try to help with whatever advice I can offer, but I am one of those people who can give advice but have a hard time following it myself. Like how some people can preach their asses off and not be perfect themselves... I'm not perfect or claiming I am. Heck, I don't even want to be perfect. I'm not perfect at all or even close. Not now, nor will I ever be. Ask yourself... If you had the choice to be absolutely perfect in every single way and in so being so you would not be the same person you are today... Or just being the same person you are now... What would you choose?
There's a guy who blogged about his own suicide. His blog was all about when, how, where, when he was going to kill himself. First of all, I sort of understand why people would want to kill themselves. The world is a shitty place and some people have shitty lives. I'm not saying people should want to kill themselves or that they should do it. Not saying that at all. But I do understand. Sometimes, it's even an accidental thing.
BUT... WHY would you want the whole world to know about it? Why make such a big deal about it? That's obviously an attention seeking thing. Like: "I'm not getting enough attention while I'm alive... So I'm going to really get their attention by doing this!" Just seems foolish to me.
Here is the article I was reading: Suicide Blogger
I can understand if someone is really sick and they are terminally ill. They just don't want to suffer anymore. I can understand that.
I'm finding out about these crazy things where people are broadcasting their own suicides. I think that is just ridiculous. Seriously! I can understand being fed up living the kind of life some people live. I understand what depression is all about. I'm getting better with dealing with my own sh*t and been through a lot. Heck, I even contemplated ending my own life many, many years ago. But I can say I'm glad I didn't. Life is too short without making it shorter than it needs to be. There are so many people who die way too young from cancer and whatever else. They don't have the opportunities to LIVE LIFE anymore, whereas I still do. AND there are things to be grateful for. Thankfulness for what you have just expands the ability to have more awesomeness in your life.
What I learned through ACIM in the past year... (I'd be learning much more if I read it every day like I should be). Is that Depression is just the sense of deprivation. You feel you are deprived of your desires, therefore you become depressed. I know that it's more complicated than that, but that is the basis of depression. So if you are truly thankful for what you have, will you feel deprived? Not nearly as much. The reason people feel deprived in the first place is they let their ego tell them that they should 'want what everyone else has' instead of want 'to be a better person'. Also, these pills doctors give us called anti-depressants can actually cause the symptoms they are supposed to be relieving or eradicating. Doctors care more about the kickbacks they get from prescribing their patients these drugs... Than they do about the patients. The more pills they prescribe, the more 'benefits' they get from the drug companies. Like commissions. I'm not going to let some doctor tell me that I should take some pills (that'll probably mess me up worse than I already am) just so he can get something from the drug company. No f*cking way!
I'm learning new things every day. I had a long conversation with a guy I met through the dating site about medications and things. But also other things. Like he told me the best thing (that he finds) about being in his 30's is that the "I don't give a f*ck" gene kicks in. I'm starting to feel it already and my birthday is still a few days away. Why couldn't I have had that kick in long ago? Well, my theory is that I had to care way too much, and get my heart broken all those times, so that I could LEARN that it is so much easier 'not to give a f*ck' and I am stronger because the sh*t I went through. All the stress of trying to date in the past made me realized it isn't really worth it anymore. Maybe I'll meet some guy in the future and everything will be the way it should have always been... But the truth is people have different levels of being 'emotionally secure'. Some people just aren't. I mean like emotional stability, emotional maturity actually encompasses it all...
I can admit that I know I'm not at the level where I could function in a relationship. I still get hurt. BUT I realize that it is my CHOICE to feel whatever the heck I feel. I know it is my CHOICE in HOW I am going to DEAL with MY emotions. A lot of people just react to negative events in negative ways... It is their REACTION and their REACTION dictates their ACTIONS. But you have the CHOICE whether you are going to let your reaction dictate your actions. It is a choice. I have lots of choices to make in my life. A lot. I will face choices daily. I will face challenges daily. Each challenge is going to consist of making choices. Hard choices and easy ones. But choices nonetheless.
Years ago I was really emotionally unstable. I was the kind of girl who always thought: "If I could find a person to love me, I am worthy of love." You know what? I realized I am worthy of love regardless if I find someone to love me or not. People have their own ideas of how love should be. People who have no control over themselves or their own lives will want to have control over someone else and someone else's life. We control ourselves. We control our own lives. Besides control is just an ideal, not something that is actually tangible. Life has the control over what happens, we do not. I cannot date someone who will be vindictive to assert control over me with head games and drama. The ones who say 'I hate this and that' often portray what they hate. It's weird. But it just made me realize, over time, that when I'm ready, I'll be ready. I'm not ready now. You know why? Because I want to grow as a person and it's hard to do that when you are constantly concerned with someone else's happiness. Oh! You're not happy?! So you have to make me miserable, too?! No thanks! Go piss on your own parade. I have so much work to do on myself and my own life that I really do not need someone else's garbage insecurities preventing me from working on fixing my own issues.
So yeah, I just want to move on with the lessons I am learning and have already learned. Of course I will still try to help with whatever advice I can offer, but I am one of those people who can give advice but have a hard time following it myself. Like how some people can preach their asses off and not be perfect themselves... I'm not perfect or claiming I am. Heck, I don't even want to be perfect. I'm not perfect at all or even close. Not now, nor will I ever be. Ask yourself... If you had the choice to be absolutely perfect in every single way and in so being so you would not be the same person you are today... Or just being the same person you are now... What would you choose?
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