Sometimes I have to shake my head at people when I see them letting their kids get away with things. Today, there was a little girl at the pet store and she was trying to open things and her mother was there with another female adult. They weren't watching her. I saw her take a lid of a container and tried to take the seal underneath the cap off with her teeth.
So I suggested that we put the lid back on the bottle and said to her that if you get that stuff in your mouth, that she could get sick. Being sick isn't fun. She said that she was already sick. I guess her Mom didn't like that I was paying attention to her kid when she wasn't. Kept giving me dirty looks. Would she rather spend hours at the Children's hospital because her child ingested something that she didn't even see her kid trying to open with her mouth?
Another lady at the mall today... Her kid's shoelace was untied. So instead of saying: "Please tie your shoe before we get on the escalator..." The kid gets his laces stuck in the escalator. And even that wasn't enough to get her to tie it for him or get the kid to tie it.
Things like this bother me. You can't let kids go around opening things in a store. You have to tell them: "If you open it, we'll have to pay for it and we're only here to look and not to touch." Something along those lines. Don't get mad at someone who is looking out for your kid when you are clearly not. Because being a parent. You have to be the one looking out for them and teaching them right from wrong. If a kid is curious and always touching things, well, just say. "Oh, what is that? Let's look together." Or something like that. Some people never teach their kids not to open things in stores. Some people never teach their kids simple things like how to behave in public.
There was another thing I saw today that made me want to slap the parents. There was a couple with two kids. One daughter, and one son. The daughter being the oldest of the two kids. At the mall they have these stroller type things that are like 'cars' that have a steering wheel in the front and a long handle at the back so the parents can push it. The girl was in it and the boy was freaking out because he wanted to be in it. Instead of telling the boy "No, it is your sister's turn," They just let the kid freak out for a while and then told the girl she had to get out and put the boy in it. What does the boy learn? Freak out and you get what you want. What does that teach him in the long run? Nothing. It just teaches him he can get his way no matter what it is as long as he has a tantrum about it. Clearly the girl was upset, but is probably used to her brother getting whatever he wants. But she wasn't freaking out. She was kind of big for it to begin with. But the point is that parents give into these tantrums too easily and the kids become spoiled brats. Then society has to deal with them where their parents failed and because their parents failed.
I'm not a parenting expert. I'm not the best mother on the face of the earth, but I see things like this all the time and it makes me sick. I still remember a little girl I saw on the bus with her mother and she was standing on the seat and her mother was trying unsuccessfully to get her to sit down and she kept saying "No" to her mother. Then there was a man who was sitting behind them and the little girl reached over and slapped the man's glasses off his face! Embarrassing for the Mother, yes, but by that age they should know how to behave on the bus. My mother had this rule for the bus. If we were not behaving, she didn't care if it was really cold or raining out, we'd get off the bus wherever we were and walk the rest of the way.
I would talk to my son about being in public. I said to him: "It is important for you to be a good boy in public. When we are away from the house. Because we can have a nice time together if you can be a good boy."
Then I would ask him: "Do you remember what I told you what would happen if you are not being a good boy (at the store or wherever)?" And you just ask them without seeming angry or anything. Just ask them like you'd ask anything else.
He'll think about it and tell me that the consequences would be that we would have to leave right away and go right home. When we got home he would have a time out.
It is a good idea to remind them of the consequences by asking if they remember what they are and what they are. That way they learn to remember what the consequences are and you know that they know. Also, they will be thinking about it the whole time you are wherever you are if you ask them when you get there. Another good thing about that approach is that there comes a time when you don't even have to ask them anymore because they already know from going over it so many times.
Same thing with time outs. When you give them a time out, they will be mad that they got sent to their room and you have to ask them if they are even ready to talk. Sometimes they are not. But when they are ready to talk about it, you tell them that you don't like giving them time outs. You tell them that time outs help them think about what they did and what they can do differently next time. Then you ask them: "Do you know why you had to have a time out?" Usually they know. If they don't know, you can tell them. But usually you are using this approach with a kid around 4 to 5 years old who knows what they did to get a time out.
So here is what I did with my kid when he had a time out:
"D*****, are you ready to talk with Mommy?"
"I'm ready, Mommy"
"Can you tell me why you had to have a time out?"
"Because I was yelling and kicking." (Whatever the case may be)
"Is it nice to yell and kick?"
"No."
"You're right, it's not nice. Are you going to stop?"
"Yes, Mommy."
"Okay, you can come out of your room now. BUT if you need to come back to time out, then you will. AND we will talk about it again. Okay?"
"Okay."
A lot of parents don't know how to handle their kids. So they just don't do anything about it until it gets worse to the point that their kids are out of control. It is best to start teaching kids early about 'appropriate' and 'inappropriate'. I even sat down with my son and said: "We are going to do a project today. We are going to write down the rules on a poster. You can help me make the poster. What are some of the rules going to be?" He came up with a lot of his own rules. Because he knew already what was nice and not nice. So everything that was not nice had a big NO in front of it. Then we put it up on the wall. And we had that talk... What happens if you break the rules? "Time out?" Yes. Kids can learn pretty fast. Most kids can. But at the same time, they can learn bad behavior from not having their behavior corrected for so long. They learn they can get away with being bad as long as they do it to the point Mommy or Daddy just gives in and gives the kid what they want. I cannot stand parents like that who cannot say NO to their kids. They have to learn NO from their parents first because if they don't learn it from their parents first, NO won't mean a damn thing if they hear it from anyone else. They will learn that they can do whatever they want with no consequences. Sorry folks, but JAILS are full of people who never learned the meaning of NO. Or the consequences.
So, again, I know I'm not the best mother in the world. But I did learn some things about parenting by being a parent. Also from my mother. Some from my Grandmother. I did take parenting class, but by then I felt like I already did the best I could because my son is a good kid. He listens. He has his moments of using the wrong tone of voice with me and getting mad for no reason. He is still just a kid. But he does listen. He is just starting that 'pre-pubicesence' stage where he gets annoyed with his Mommy. It happens. But at the same time, I don't let him get away with his fits. If I did, I would not be doing him any favors. Nor would I be doing myself or society any favors by letting him get away with it.
I know I'm not perfect. Far from it. I know I don't know everything about being a parent. BUT I do know there are worse parents out there who do not seem to care too much what their kids do or learn now. These are the same parents who are at their wits end when they have an out of control teenager and say: "Where did I go wrong with my child?" They don't realize the mistakes they make. I realize that I make mistakes and I am still learning. He is my one and only child. I didn't have any practice before he came into the world. Yes, I made mistakes. Ones I still regret to this day. BUT when my son helps me clean up a mess, carry a couple of grocery bags, or opens the door for me and says "Ladies first." I feel like I did a good job.
So I suggested that we put the lid back on the bottle and said to her that if you get that stuff in your mouth, that she could get sick. Being sick isn't fun. She said that she was already sick. I guess her Mom didn't like that I was paying attention to her kid when she wasn't. Kept giving me dirty looks. Would she rather spend hours at the Children's hospital because her child ingested something that she didn't even see her kid trying to open with her mouth?
Another lady at the mall today... Her kid's shoelace was untied. So instead of saying: "Please tie your shoe before we get on the escalator..." The kid gets his laces stuck in the escalator. And even that wasn't enough to get her to tie it for him or get the kid to tie it.
Things like this bother me. You can't let kids go around opening things in a store. You have to tell them: "If you open it, we'll have to pay for it and we're only here to look and not to touch." Something along those lines. Don't get mad at someone who is looking out for your kid when you are clearly not. Because being a parent. You have to be the one looking out for them and teaching them right from wrong. If a kid is curious and always touching things, well, just say. "Oh, what is that? Let's look together." Or something like that. Some people never teach their kids not to open things in stores. Some people never teach their kids simple things like how to behave in public.
There was another thing I saw today that made me want to slap the parents. There was a couple with two kids. One daughter, and one son. The daughter being the oldest of the two kids. At the mall they have these stroller type things that are like 'cars' that have a steering wheel in the front and a long handle at the back so the parents can push it. The girl was in it and the boy was freaking out because he wanted to be in it. Instead of telling the boy "No, it is your sister's turn," They just let the kid freak out for a while and then told the girl she had to get out and put the boy in it. What does the boy learn? Freak out and you get what you want. What does that teach him in the long run? Nothing. It just teaches him he can get his way no matter what it is as long as he has a tantrum about it. Clearly the girl was upset, but is probably used to her brother getting whatever he wants. But she wasn't freaking out. She was kind of big for it to begin with. But the point is that parents give into these tantrums too easily and the kids become spoiled brats. Then society has to deal with them where their parents failed and because their parents failed.
I'm not a parenting expert. I'm not the best mother on the face of the earth, but I see things like this all the time and it makes me sick. I still remember a little girl I saw on the bus with her mother and she was standing on the seat and her mother was trying unsuccessfully to get her to sit down and she kept saying "No" to her mother. Then there was a man who was sitting behind them and the little girl reached over and slapped the man's glasses off his face! Embarrassing for the Mother, yes, but by that age they should know how to behave on the bus. My mother had this rule for the bus. If we were not behaving, she didn't care if it was really cold or raining out, we'd get off the bus wherever we were and walk the rest of the way.
I would talk to my son about being in public. I said to him: "It is important for you to be a good boy in public. When we are away from the house. Because we can have a nice time together if you can be a good boy."
Then I would ask him: "Do you remember what I told you what would happen if you are not being a good boy (at the store or wherever)?" And you just ask them without seeming angry or anything. Just ask them like you'd ask anything else.
He'll think about it and tell me that the consequences would be that we would have to leave right away and go right home. When we got home he would have a time out.
It is a good idea to remind them of the consequences by asking if they remember what they are and what they are. That way they learn to remember what the consequences are and you know that they know. Also, they will be thinking about it the whole time you are wherever you are if you ask them when you get there. Another good thing about that approach is that there comes a time when you don't even have to ask them anymore because they already know from going over it so many times.
Same thing with time outs. When you give them a time out, they will be mad that they got sent to their room and you have to ask them if they are even ready to talk. Sometimes they are not. But when they are ready to talk about it, you tell them that you don't like giving them time outs. You tell them that time outs help them think about what they did and what they can do differently next time. Then you ask them: "Do you know why you had to have a time out?" Usually they know. If they don't know, you can tell them. But usually you are using this approach with a kid around 4 to 5 years old who knows what they did to get a time out.
So here is what I did with my kid when he had a time out:
"D*****, are you ready to talk with Mommy?"
"I'm ready, Mommy"
"Can you tell me why you had to have a time out?"
"Because I was yelling and kicking." (Whatever the case may be)
"Is it nice to yell and kick?"
"No."
"You're right, it's not nice. Are you going to stop?"
"Yes, Mommy."
"Okay, you can come out of your room now. BUT if you need to come back to time out, then you will. AND we will talk about it again. Okay?"
"Okay."
A lot of parents don't know how to handle their kids. So they just don't do anything about it until it gets worse to the point that their kids are out of control. It is best to start teaching kids early about 'appropriate' and 'inappropriate'. I even sat down with my son and said: "We are going to do a project today. We are going to write down the rules on a poster. You can help me make the poster. What are some of the rules going to be?" He came up with a lot of his own rules. Because he knew already what was nice and not nice. So everything that was not nice had a big NO in front of it. Then we put it up on the wall. And we had that talk... What happens if you break the rules? "Time out?" Yes. Kids can learn pretty fast. Most kids can. But at the same time, they can learn bad behavior from not having their behavior corrected for so long. They learn they can get away with being bad as long as they do it to the point Mommy or Daddy just gives in and gives the kid what they want. I cannot stand parents like that who cannot say NO to their kids. They have to learn NO from their parents first because if they don't learn it from their parents first, NO won't mean a damn thing if they hear it from anyone else. They will learn that they can do whatever they want with no consequences. Sorry folks, but JAILS are full of people who never learned the meaning of NO. Or the consequences.
So, again, I know I'm not the best mother in the world. But I did learn some things about parenting by being a parent. Also from my mother. Some from my Grandmother. I did take parenting class, but by then I felt like I already did the best I could because my son is a good kid. He listens. He has his moments of using the wrong tone of voice with me and getting mad for no reason. He is still just a kid. But he does listen. He is just starting that 'pre-pubicesence' stage where he gets annoyed with his Mommy. It happens. But at the same time, I don't let him get away with his fits. If I did, I would not be doing him any favors. Nor would I be doing myself or society any favors by letting him get away with it.
I know I'm not perfect. Far from it. I know I don't know everything about being a parent. BUT I do know there are worse parents out there who do not seem to care too much what their kids do or learn now. These are the same parents who are at their wits end when they have an out of control teenager and say: "Where did I go wrong with my child?" They don't realize the mistakes they make. I realize that I make mistakes and I am still learning. He is my one and only child. I didn't have any practice before he came into the world. Yes, I made mistakes. Ones I still regret to this day. BUT when my son helps me clean up a mess, carry a couple of grocery bags, or opens the door for me and says "Ladies first." I feel like I did a good job.
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