So after tomorrow.... I'm going to feel so much better. The anticipation is a lot harder to handle for someone who has anxiety already. It's one thing that I cannot escape. People are so hard to deal with. Too much all at once. The 'giving' makes people feel good about themselves because usually most of them would be seriously selfish and that is why the spirit of Christmas is only once a year instead of throughout the year. As it is supposed to be throughout the year. Birthdays are important to me for some reason. Significant. Christmas is supposed to be like a birthday party, but it's not really. It is, but it has been too commercialized. It's selling and buying. "Getting" too. A lot of people 'expect to get' something for Christmas. It is better to get something when you don't expect it. I don't really want anything for Christmas. Just people in my life who can be there for me when I need them to help me with something (like getting rid of my couch) or of anything that would equate doing me a favor. (Don't think anything sexual, that's the last thing on my mind I assure you).
Or helping me get organized since I have so much chaos that I don't know where to start. It's kind of like starting from scratch in every aspect. Because I've never developed any of those aspects. It sometimes feels like attribute atrophy. Because I lack so much that makes up a person that I couldn't even start to tell anyone. One of my friends said that I don't have many pictures of myself on facebook because I was 'humble'. I don't even know if that describes me. Shy... At times. Awkward.... All the time! Awkward should be my middle name. What do you think? I always say something I shouldn't or do something I shouldn't. Because a lot of times I feel like I should just say or do it or shouldn't worry so much. Which makes me worry MORE.
Yup, my new name is Awkward Abby. Maybe people call me that already and I don't even know it?
I've had a bunch of awkward situations. Like forgetting people's names and such which is awful. I feel bad that there are people I have seen off and on FOR YEARS and cannot recall their names. I feel bad because eventually I will be brave enough to ask them and they might be put off because we already introduced ourselves a long time ago. Awkward Abby to ruin the day!
Or helping me get organized since I have so much chaos that I don't know where to start. It's kind of like starting from scratch in every aspect. Because I've never developed any of those aspects. It sometimes feels like attribute atrophy. Because I lack so much that makes up a person that I couldn't even start to tell anyone. One of my friends said that I don't have many pictures of myself on facebook because I was 'humble'. I don't even know if that describes me. Shy... At times. Awkward.... All the time! Awkward should be my middle name. What do you think? I always say something I shouldn't or do something I shouldn't. Because a lot of times I feel like I should just say or do it or shouldn't worry so much. Which makes me worry MORE.
Yup, my new name is Awkward Abby. Maybe people call me that already and I don't even know it?
I've had a bunch of awkward situations. Like forgetting people's names and such which is awful. I feel bad that there are people I have seen off and on FOR YEARS and cannot recall their names. I feel bad because eventually I will be brave enough to ask them and they might be put off because we already introduced ourselves a long time ago. Awkward Abby to ruin the day!
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