Sometimes I wonder if when we die there is a ghost like 'The Ghost of Christmas Past' who brings you back to the past to show you all the mistakes we made in our lives. So that we can see how our actions truly affected others... I think about that often. I don't know why. Probably because it's so hard to face up to the mistakes we've made. I still feel the guilt. That guilt would probably never let my spirit rest.
I couldn't sleep all night. I felt bad that my ex got all jealous of my friend coming over the other night. It's not my fault because I didn't do anything wrong. I should be allowed to have friends over. Such a rare occasion that it is anyway... My friend lives like two blocks away from here and I keep thinking that it's crazy that I didn't meet him sooner because he lives so close to here and I've been living here for 8 years.
We just have quite a bit in common. We have the same kind of interests and sense of humor. I'm teaching him about computers and helped him set up a facebook account the other night. We are supposed to hang out again tonight. Only we are going to check out his buddy's place since he is house-sitting. It'll be a nice change to go somewhere new. I'm kind of excited about it.
Tomorrow, I'm taking my son trick-or-treating and then I have to go to work, all night long... From 11pm to 6:30 am.... That's pretty much the time I got to bed at last night. 6:30 am... I don't get to sleep as much as I need to so I end up being cranky and grumpy, tired all the time.
I just wish that my ex would stop trying to make me feel bad for trying to have a social life. I never had much of one when he and I were dating because of how I knew he'd act about it. He told me he acts like that because he's like a 'guard dog who barks his head off if anyone comes to the door' That is his analogy, not mine.
I was single for 5 years before I started dating last year. I wasn't really ready. Neither was he. It didn't work. If he can handle being just friends, then he can still be in my life. Only I don't think he can handle being just friends. He wants what he can't have. What no guy can have from me. I just don't feel those feelings anymore or want to. All my relationships have been far more complicated that they needed to be. I don't feel like I should have to explain myself to everyone anymore. Or ask permission to do anything from anyone anymore. It's like asking permission to 'go outside to play' or something... I'm not a kid anymore. My ex is not my guardian so I shouldn't have to ask him for permission to go see my friends or for my friends to see me.
I couldn't sleep all night. I felt bad that my ex got all jealous of my friend coming over the other night. It's not my fault because I didn't do anything wrong. I should be allowed to have friends over. Such a rare occasion that it is anyway... My friend lives like two blocks away from here and I keep thinking that it's crazy that I didn't meet him sooner because he lives so close to here and I've been living here for 8 years.
We just have quite a bit in common. We have the same kind of interests and sense of humor. I'm teaching him about computers and helped him set up a facebook account the other night. We are supposed to hang out again tonight. Only we are going to check out his buddy's place since he is house-sitting. It'll be a nice change to go somewhere new. I'm kind of excited about it.
Tomorrow, I'm taking my son trick-or-treating and then I have to go to work, all night long... From 11pm to 6:30 am.... That's pretty much the time I got to bed at last night. 6:30 am... I don't get to sleep as much as I need to so I end up being cranky and grumpy, tired all the time.
I just wish that my ex would stop trying to make me feel bad for trying to have a social life. I never had much of one when he and I were dating because of how I knew he'd act about it. He told me he acts like that because he's like a 'guard dog who barks his head off if anyone comes to the door' That is his analogy, not mine.
I was single for 5 years before I started dating last year. I wasn't really ready. Neither was he. It didn't work. If he can handle being just friends, then he can still be in my life. Only I don't think he can handle being just friends. He wants what he can't have. What no guy can have from me. I just don't feel those feelings anymore or want to. All my relationships have been far more complicated that they needed to be. I don't feel like I should have to explain myself to everyone anymore. Or ask permission to do anything from anyone anymore. It's like asking permission to 'go outside to play' or something... I'm not a kid anymore. My ex is not my guardian so I shouldn't have to ask him for permission to go see my friends or for my friends to see me.
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