I know I haven't written in a while (on here). Just there wasn't anything going on here. On Monday, my step father's father passed away. I'm going to his funeral tomorrow. Yesterday was a visitation thingy. Today there is one too, but it's hard to see how sad they are. They loved him so much! He really was a nice guy. He had lung cancer. I know it might seem weird, but I'm kind of happy for him because he's not suffering anymore. He's in a better place. I guess I look at death a bit differently since Roger died. I had a hard time with it. I really did because he was pretty much the only friend who ever invited me to go out and do things. Since he passed away, his ex girlfriend has been trying to get me out, doing things. She used to live upstairs from me.
One of the guys Roger and I worked with is getting married this weekend. I only got invited last night so I'm not exactly prepared to go, even though I really want to. Even though my cousins have all been getting married, I'm never invited. The last wedding I went to was at least 6 years ago. I've only been to 4 weddings in my life and one of those was my Mother's wedding in 1999.
I've been kind of depressed lately. Not working has driven me past crazy because it's so hard to do anything on such a low budget. I have to admit that I have to start eating more often and more in quantity than just snack sized meals. Just now that my stomach has shrunk, I get full pretty quickly. I know that's not healthy. I HATE grocery shopping, too. I never know what to get and there are so many options that it seems to get overwhelming for me. I know a lot of people go in, just get what they need, and get out quick, but it takes me a while to find stuff and then I want to try to get the better price and have to tell myself things like "I'll get (suchandsuch an item) next time." When next time comes around, I completely forget. I always end up forgetting something anyway.
I really want this weekend to be over with because it's a long weekend. I know people are like: Yay! Long Weekend! Kind of makes for a shorter week next week, I guess. The grocery stores will be busy tomorrow because they won't be open on Monday. It's crazy how expensive everything is getting and it doesn't end. It just gets more and more until nobody can afford anything. I can see another Depression Era coming up in my lifetime. I'll give it another 20 years at the most. Everything has almost or more than doubled from 10 years ago.
I was talking to someone last night from B.C and we were talking about the HST (Harmonized Sales Tax for you Americans or people who live abroad). In B.C, they voted against it for some dumb reasons. HST replaced the GST and PST. The GST is the Goods and Services Tax, and PST is Provincial Sales Tax.
Speaking about food before... Gets me thinking about how I read something about the price of food going up 4% next year. I know it's because the price of diesel went up and the price of corn (that they feed livestock). I find that food is already pretty expensive. It's crazy. Gas of course will most likely keep rising in price. That won't change until it's not as sought after a commodity. I'm happy that I have no car to fill up with gas. I know having a car can be helpful and it gives you a sense of freedom because of the convenience of having the ability to just drive anywhere you want to (especially when the buses go on strike). But having these commodities like cars and houses... They are nice to have in theory, but they have their pitfalls like insurance, repairs, gas (or hydro for houses). Sometimes I think that one day I'd like to live in a house, but right now, I can't even picture it. I know it costs way more than I think I can earn. I wish I could say: "One day I WILL have the life of my dreams..." I've been in this rut for several years. I WANT TO and WISH TO do BETTER in life... Not because people look down on me for being out of work or being so broke all the time... Or not meeting their 'standards'. But... I'd like to feel like I've accomplished something that I can put in place for my son's future as well as teach him that it is possible to make your dreams come true.
Even though, HAVING THINGS shouldn't make such a difference as to affect my happiness in life. I'd rather have GREAT EXPERIENCES and MEMORIES than THINGS.
Been watching that show called: "Hoarders" lately. If you haven't seen it, it's been fascinating to me. I've collected a lot of things over the years. Things that I know that I don't need and that are taking up space. I'd LOVE to be ORGANIZED so that I never have to get frustrated when I can't find something. One of my friends told me I should watch "Hoarders". Back a couple of years ago, I was so depressed that I wasn't functioning at full capacity. I let things go because I was struggling with day to day things that are so easy for a lot of people. My place is a lot cleaner now than it was then... Also, my son was making a lot of messes when he lived here with me. We both made lots of messes. He'd wear me out and I'd lose all motivation/ambition to clean up. I'd always be exhausted, plus I was taking these stupid pills the doctors were giving me (for depression and anxiety) that just made me so lethargic. I kept trying to tell them that the pills were holding me back, but they weren't listening to me (sometimes I wonder if anyone does).
They say that a cluttered house is a sign of a cluttered mind. I can see why they say that. It's been a long time since I've had any clarity. I don't even know what having clarity feels like. Which is kind of sad. There's always been stress that makes my mind wander (and even creates more stress for me, having a wandering mind). I don't know if it's ADD or something else... I know it's hard to just sit down and do something. I keep thinking of things, then forgetting about them, then remembering again... Then thinking about it again, then forgetting about them all over again! That cycle just keeps going and going.
All I know if that I don't want to end up like those Hoarders on that show. I can see myself with those tendencies already. Some people say that experiencing loses in life bring those tendencies out more and that it can be hereditary. My Grandfather collected a lot of stuff. Almost 80 years worth of stuff. He kept pretty much everything. I've only had a small amount of stability in my life so I think that is why I keep things. The need for stability makes me feel sentimental. It's not the only reason I feel sentimental, but it's a good part of why I feel that way.
Anyways, I think I'm going to rest while I can because tomorrow is going to be a REALLY BUSY day for me and this weekend will probably be busy, too.
One of the guys Roger and I worked with is getting married this weekend. I only got invited last night so I'm not exactly prepared to go, even though I really want to. Even though my cousins have all been getting married, I'm never invited. The last wedding I went to was at least 6 years ago. I've only been to 4 weddings in my life and one of those was my Mother's wedding in 1999.
I've been kind of depressed lately. Not working has driven me past crazy because it's so hard to do anything on such a low budget. I have to admit that I have to start eating more often and more in quantity than just snack sized meals. Just now that my stomach has shrunk, I get full pretty quickly. I know that's not healthy. I HATE grocery shopping, too. I never know what to get and there are so many options that it seems to get overwhelming for me. I know a lot of people go in, just get what they need, and get out quick, but it takes me a while to find stuff and then I want to try to get the better price and have to tell myself things like "I'll get (suchandsuch an item) next time." When next time comes around, I completely forget. I always end up forgetting something anyway.
I really want this weekend to be over with because it's a long weekend. I know people are like: Yay! Long Weekend! Kind of makes for a shorter week next week, I guess. The grocery stores will be busy tomorrow because they won't be open on Monday. It's crazy how expensive everything is getting and it doesn't end. It just gets more and more until nobody can afford anything. I can see another Depression Era coming up in my lifetime. I'll give it another 20 years at the most. Everything has almost or more than doubled from 10 years ago.
I was talking to someone last night from B.C and we were talking about the HST (Harmonized Sales Tax for you Americans or people who live abroad). In B.C, they voted against it for some dumb reasons. HST replaced the GST and PST. The GST is the Goods and Services Tax, and PST is Provincial Sales Tax.
Speaking about food before... Gets me thinking about how I read something about the price of food going up 4% next year. I know it's because the price of diesel went up and the price of corn (that they feed livestock). I find that food is already pretty expensive. It's crazy. Gas of course will most likely keep rising in price. That won't change until it's not as sought after a commodity. I'm happy that I have no car to fill up with gas. I know having a car can be helpful and it gives you a sense of freedom because of the convenience of having the ability to just drive anywhere you want to (especially when the buses go on strike). But having these commodities like cars and houses... They are nice to have in theory, but they have their pitfalls like insurance, repairs, gas (or hydro for houses). Sometimes I think that one day I'd like to live in a house, but right now, I can't even picture it. I know it costs way more than I think I can earn. I wish I could say: "One day I WILL have the life of my dreams..." I've been in this rut for several years. I WANT TO and WISH TO do BETTER in life... Not because people look down on me for being out of work or being so broke all the time... Or not meeting their 'standards'. But... I'd like to feel like I've accomplished something that I can put in place for my son's future as well as teach him that it is possible to make your dreams come true.
Even though, HAVING THINGS shouldn't make such a difference as to affect my happiness in life. I'd rather have GREAT EXPERIENCES and MEMORIES than THINGS.
Been watching that show called: "Hoarders" lately. If you haven't seen it, it's been fascinating to me. I've collected a lot of things over the years. Things that I know that I don't need and that are taking up space. I'd LOVE to be ORGANIZED so that I never have to get frustrated when I can't find something. One of my friends told me I should watch "Hoarders". Back a couple of years ago, I was so depressed that I wasn't functioning at full capacity. I let things go because I was struggling with day to day things that are so easy for a lot of people. My place is a lot cleaner now than it was then... Also, my son was making a lot of messes when he lived here with me. We both made lots of messes. He'd wear me out and I'd lose all motivation/ambition to clean up. I'd always be exhausted, plus I was taking these stupid pills the doctors were giving me (for depression and anxiety) that just made me so lethargic. I kept trying to tell them that the pills were holding me back, but they weren't listening to me (sometimes I wonder if anyone does).
They say that a cluttered house is a sign of a cluttered mind. I can see why they say that. It's been a long time since I've had any clarity. I don't even know what having clarity feels like. Which is kind of sad. There's always been stress that makes my mind wander (and even creates more stress for me, having a wandering mind). I don't know if it's ADD or something else... I know it's hard to just sit down and do something. I keep thinking of things, then forgetting about them, then remembering again... Then thinking about it again, then forgetting about them all over again! That cycle just keeps going and going.
All I know if that I don't want to end up like those Hoarders on that show. I can see myself with those tendencies already. Some people say that experiencing loses in life bring those tendencies out more and that it can be hereditary. My Grandfather collected a lot of stuff. Almost 80 years worth of stuff. He kept pretty much everything. I've only had a small amount of stability in my life so I think that is why I keep things. The need for stability makes me feel sentimental. It's not the only reason I feel sentimental, but it's a good part of why I feel that way.
Anyways, I think I'm going to rest while I can because tomorrow is going to be a REALLY BUSY day for me and this weekend will probably be busy, too.
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